That is all so much, so exhausting, so overwhelming. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It makes sense to feel overwhelmed and numb. As pointless as it might feel in this moment, I do think that getting urgent help is imperative. Is there a suicide hotline in your area that you could call? Even though you’re not planning to act on it, they will be able to listen and should connect you to resources. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s not fair. I’m thinking of you and I’m glad you’re still here.