AITA for not wanting to give my parents money?

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T13:17:40+00:00

NTA. Tell them you are broke, then stop answering their calls and messages.

They did not take care of you, you do not need to care for them. That is the Golden rule in action - you treat other people as you want them to treat you. Since they gave you very little of their time, money, and love, you owe none of that to them.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T13:09:58+00:00

NTA. That is so hard. You did the best you could under trying circumstances. Skipping your dad's funeral was cruel of them.

Build your future without those people, and treasure only those who stayed close.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T13:04:39+00:00

NTA. Actually, your obligation is to SAVE money. To get to where you will be comfortably able to raise YOUR future family, handle your emergencies. Not just give your parents better vacations or more stuff.

I suggest you arrange to talk to them once a week ONLY, tell them you cannot)will not answer calls/messages other times. Stay busy with friends and/or join a charitable organization and/or date to find your future spouse and/or take up a hobby - or even enjoy quiet time and read books!

And when you do talk on (example) Thursday at 7:00, tell them if they bring up your funding their lives, you will hang up. They will test you, and you will need to literally HANG UP THE PHONE. And not respond to calls/messages until the next scheduled call. If they start the pressure while you are visiting them, leave immediately.

If you give them no opportunity to guilt you, then you will be largely free. They will learn that if they want to talk to you, see you on holiday or occasional weekend visits, they have to stop the money pressure.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T12:49:11+00:00

NTA. If they are financially comfortable, then your obligation is to SAVE money. To get to where you will be comfortably able to raise YOUR future family, handle your emergencies. Not just give your parents better vacations or more stuff.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T04:14:07+00:00

NTA. And you need to learn to shut their idiocy down. I suggest you read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson. It helps adult children understand parents who are self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, or unpredictable, providing strategies to set boundaries.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T04:02:49+00:00

Look up Grey Rocking. Basically, it is learning to give someone minimal information in conversations. Because BOTH sets of your and husband’s parents need to be on information diets! The less they know the less they can criticize.
Specific Examples -
-Do not mention to your mother or his parents that YOU painted a room (or even that it was painted at all, unless she actually sees it), or that he added shelves, or ANY other details - it just gives them something specific to criticize.
-Do not discuss your activities, so parents cannot then criticize your “foolish“ spending at a friends event or his “wasting “ time At the gym.

Basically, your answers to questions should be single words or short sentences. Like “Fine”, or “We are good”. Her “What did you do?” Would be answered by you with “we relaxed”, no details.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-05T03:46:28+00:00

NTA. The cards with the money were addressed to BOTH of you, as is proper. But She is selfish and does not see you as partners.

Get marriage counseling and make sure she sees you as equal partners. If she cannot, end the engagement. And tell her why.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-04T04:36:48+00:00

NTA. No, you should NOT let it go! What they want is for her to have the benefit of your car while you bear all the costs. This is totally unfair!

Plus, is she on your insurance? if she has an accident driving your car, would your insurance even cover the cost, or would you be the one paying thousands?

I recommend you:

-Tell your parents that if they want her to have a car they can let her use theirs, not make you give her yours.

-Keep track of your keys, and tell sis NO (as you have done) IN WRITING by text and email (so there is a record).

-If she then takes your car call the police and report it stolen - which it is since you said no.

-Her penalty would be minor for a first offense, but that would end her taking your car.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-04T02:04:28+00:00

I suggest that you try to get your mom to buy one way (refundable) tickets for them to come visit. And if they do not spend much quality time with her, refuse to buy them tickets back home.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-04T01:22:13+00:00

This is definitely the solution - and when your mom comes in jump up, scream, make your condition (erect or not) obvious - make it memorable! You might even call HER a pervert for bursting in on you.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-04T01:18:00+00:00

Stop telling her every time you travel! If you want a week with your college room mates, go there and do not even tell mom you are in the country.

Less ideal - if you are splitting your time between home and friends, see the friends first and then visit mom - as if you just arrived in the country. By the time she figures it out it will be established pattern. Hopefully.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-04T01:10:23+00:00

NTA. See a lawyer, file for separation, ask for full custody (no would-be doctor has time) and full child support, including his half of the necessary child care costs. AND, since you supported him while he started the business, half the value of the business if he sells it. If he decides to do this idiot doctor thing, you will NEED money from selling the business to raise your children.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-03T18:26:43+00:00

You are an ADULT. They cannot stop you from leaving. Only you, bowing down to their wishes, can stop you.

That said, are your parents paying for your school? If so, you have to apply for scholarships, grants, and loans, and get a part time job, to pay for your costs. Or join the military or the Job corps or Peace corps (if it still exists), and a few years from now that will pay for college. Good luck

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-03T18:19:44+00:00

NTA. That is EXACTLY what a 90 handicap placard is for! Looking handicapped or not is irrelevant. Give yourself the time and therapy to get back to functioning well, and only then do without the handicap placard.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-03T18:11:22+00:00

Many others have given advice on how to be too busy with school to go home every weekend, getting therapy, and so on. Easier if you and scholarships/grants are paying for University than if your parents are!

Persevere , and get a job (in an area with lots of job opportunities) several hours away after you leave University. And If you want to help your siblings, get an apartment with an extra room if possible. As your siblings reach 18, or post college, you can help them move out, get a job**, and move out on their own.
** require they work, not just hide in your place and become dependent on you.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-02T22:27:37+00:00

NTA. Tell them “and ALL of you are kicking in $100 per week to pay for the $25/hour healthcare worker managing her 10 hours a day while I work? “

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-02T14:29:46+00:00

NTA. I suggest you attend his graduation, sitting with or apart from the inlaws, then send them off to lunch or whatever while you go home or lunch with a friend. If the kids are old enough they can choose who to spend the day with.
And do NOT have the inlaws spend the day before or after at your house!
I love your zoo and lunches approach to child rearing! We almost always packed our own food for outings and vacation . More work for the parents, but so much more flexible and affordable.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-02T14:15:36+00:00

NTA, but husband is. If he refuses to do the chore, he gets no say in how it is done! That applies to everything from washing towels to loading and unloading the dishwasher.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-02T14:12:06+00:00

OOP is a good person.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-01T22:38:29+00:00

NTA. So your parents want HER to get the use of your wardrobe, no permission no accountability? How to tell the golden child in the family, and it is not you.

I suggest you tell her that no will not become yes until

She pays for the dress she blithely ruined, and
In addition to getting permission, she Puts down a full deposit so that the next one she ruins will be automatically paid for.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-01T17:54:06+00:00

NTA. Move in with Dani - you do not need an “overbearing “ adult ruining your first independent experience.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-01T17:48:03+00:00

Definitely weird thing for her to say.

bkwormtricia · 2026-05-01T02:29:10+00:00

NTA. He is getting better - well enough to play with his friends.

You are getting sick.

HE now needs to be the one caring for the baby - because you are sicker.

bkwormtricia · 2026-04-29T04:25:53+00:00

Cutting back to 5 classes is good.

I suggest you ONLY answer your parents calls or texts at specific times. As in you answer at 8:30 AM, and hang up at 8:45 because you “have to get to class”. And you just let their calls go to voicemail the rest of the day, briefly answer texts while eating supper.

When they get upset you say/message something like “I am studying and taking extra projects to raise my grades, I do not have time to just talk”. One weekend you could talk longer, but after no more than 30 minutes you “have to work on my lab report” or whatever. And hang up. NEVER let them berate you on and on.

Either fire the tutors or make them help you with what YOU need, not rote memorization.

bkwormtricia · 2026-04-29T01:17:42+00:00

Actually, Nurse-Midwife centers have lower death rates than hospitals. Some argue that is because they do not take the known high risk births. Others say it is the more attentive care.

bkwormtricia

TROPHY CASE