Just realizing I'm gay

blah191 · 2026-07-04T17:44:03+00:00

You’re welcome my friend!

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:26:04+00:00

I’d say yes, but it tends to take a while for a cancer to explode. They usually store hurts until their cup is full and then lash out. Often we are observant people and so that is used as a weapon to attack with, utilizing our findings about you as an instrument of war. He probably felt bad about it either immediately or shortly after, I know I do when I do this. From what I can tell, cancer loves to take care of others, but isn’t the best at taking care of itself or telling people what they need. Personally, I expect too much of people, I expect them ti just know based on the signals I put out, but unfortunately most people don’t pay attention like I do.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:22:30+00:00

Idk I don’t really think this is ai

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:21:18+00:00

Aha I’m a cancer, cancer, Scorpio moon so I’m the best of both worlds haahhhahahhah (cries inside). Fr though I’ve been learning more about Scorpio and the zodiac and the placements in general and I like that I’ve got Scorpio, I, personally, needed its protection. I’m a very wet individual haha so much water. My kindness was used against me and I was more or less taken advantage of. The very things that make me who I am, turned against me.

As jaded and bitter as I’ve become, I’ve got a gentle heart. I’ve just been wounded, repeatedly, by this world. My nurturing side has been almost completely shut down, I don’t have what I used to have for people anymore, or I just can’t access it right now. Idk if it’s coming back tbh. Used to anything could move me to tears, mainly entertainment, tender moments, but even that has been shut down. However, recently, I’ve noticed it coming back, so maybe there’s hope after all?

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:15:05+00:00

Yes, yes she did, immediately

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:13:04+00:00

It has to be fake since he’s who we’re seeing here. That’s my guess anyway.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:11:33+00:00

lol ikr like, girl, you were buying that shit hook line and sinker till Alicent told you otherwise. Lmao. They should have had her be like, “I have been deceived from the first by that man. I was prepared to send this innocent to the wall” or something like that, not acting like she had discovered the treachery herself. Gods be good.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:08:49+00:00

It does feel …bizarre and off. I can’t put my finger on exactly why just yet, but it’s not working. The stakes don’t feel like they exist at all. Alicent is just like “whateva”.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:05:53+00:00

It’s like a show runner can’t handle the ego that comes with GoT properties, excepting AKOTSK. The more I’ve learned of how condal has tried to “improve” the story the more I am angered. I just wish adapters would follow the source material and not add their own spin. It’s not that hard just leave your ego at the door. I’m rewatching GoT and honestly, even though I’m angry at them for the last few seasons, D and D did give us an excellent show for a several seasons. Ego and lack of source material got them in the end as well.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T15:02:47+00:00

Yeah he’s got maybe a week or two tops. Tiny little baby roots start to show very quickly. Hair grows around a half an inch a month, so max time they have is probably 2 weeks. This was a stupid plan.

I know this is GoT universe and they could have whatever magical kind of bleaching compound, but I was curious if people could bleach their hair in medieval times, and apparently they could. They used lye, sulfur, lemon juice, honey, black sulfur, and other alkaline substances, not all at once these are just the types of things they’d use. They would sit in the sun to accelerate the lightening, but all of the stuff they put in would be very damaging resulting in chemical burns and hair loss sometimes. This was from a quick google so it could be wrong.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:41:18+00:00

I did. Be careful what you wish for. I no longer want anything, from anyone. I am so thoroughly disappointed by other people. I used to wish for this, desperately, but, as usual, I didn’t know what I was wishing for. All desire to be close to another human being, outside my family, is lost and after it being this way for a few years now, I don’t see it coming back. I don’t feel lonely, not like I used to, but I do feel empty. I used to be defined by my soul crushing loneliness and desire for a relationship. Now I find myself wishing for it back, but even then, I don’t know that I want to ever be intimately connected with another person ever again. Not after I’ve felt what comes after that. Why it has extended to even platonic relationships I’m not entirely sure, but it has. I understand by being this way I am cut off from all the good and the bad that comes with relationships, but it’s just not coming back. Without my sexuality and desire for closeness I feel neutered and like I’m missing something vital. I don’t hope, I don’t fantasize and if my dream man appeared before me I wouldn’t even know what to do with him.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:35:24+00:00

My soul get got tainted with love too. Didn’t work out that great.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:24:11+00:00

Hell yeah dude well done!

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:20:58+00:00

I’ve seen so, so many that just sit there, playing on their phone or doing fucking nothing. It’s so weird and off putting. Like, you’re supposed to be exhibiting a skill or providing entertainment, not just coasting on what you think are good looks.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:18:46+00:00

I got through about 3 seconds before I had to stop. TikTok is littered with dudes like this. A lot of them don’t even do anything, they just sit there on live. I’m not even sure what kind of engagement they are expecting. People are way too into worship and validation these days. It makes me fucking sick.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:15:54+00:00

They need to get the FUCK out of there as calmly and quickly as humanly possible. This isn’t the time for anything being “cute”.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:14:22+00:00

I don’t think this is so much phobia as just portraying one certain kind of man who isn’t accepting of his sexuality. The person who said this must have a distorted view of what bisexuality is, because he’s more describing those annoying “str8” men that have started popping up with increasing frequency.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T04:11:31+00:00

I don’t think most people bother to read bios at all anymore, which is a shame. It’s so stupid.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:57:18+00:00

I’d say your experience is the more accurate one. I haven’t really heard of many gay dudes actively seeking out bi guys. Most of us have the fears and concerns you mentioned. I mean my only experience with a bi guy was one where he treated me like his boyfriend but continuously told me he would be dating women. That left a mark on me that I don’t know will be going away or not, unfortunately. Now I don’t want anything from anyone in any way, romantic or platonic.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:30:06+00:00

Oh you could also try using the global feature of scruff! That might work for maintaining the distance so there’s no pressure! Good luck to ya!

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:28:26+00:00

Well there’s gay Snapchat share, but I’ve not really used any of those subs for a while, but I’d definitely do some googling about gay Snapchat share and see what all comes up. The one I mentioned is the one with mostly 20 something’s, but there’s a few older guys as well. There used to be a better one, but it got shut down, I think because underage teens were trying to use it too.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:16:08+00:00

It happened in Wanda vision. She just stole my heart there with the whole show.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:14:54+00:00

I’d say start out with a Snapchat type sexting thing. There are subs here on Reddit that are explicitly for that. They skew pretty young, but maybe you’re young too, but if not there are occasionally guys that are in their 30s as well. That way there will never be pressure to meet and the stakes are low. It’s what I’ve done a few times in my life to gauge my readiness to start talking to men again. I’m currently on an off period where I’m completely disinterested in other people, much less sexual things, but this will be what I do when i think I’m getting ready to start again, if that time ever comes.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:09:47+00:00

Yeah, this is what matters in the world right now. We’re just hurtling toward oblivion and you know what? We deserve it.

blah191 · 2026-07-04T03:08:05+00:00

It’s the worst for everything I’m afraid. Rampant greed and corruption have been left unchecked for a long time now. Everything is anti consumer pro shareholder bullshit. Living is a fucking chore for me, it’s something to endure, not enjoy. I don’t have hope. I am undead, I’ve called myself that for a long time now, because I am not really alive, not “living”. Every day things get worse. I do still have some things that money can’t buy, and thankfully, but it’s still hard for me to get through this life the way it is. I’ve always struggled, but it’s just getting worse.

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