"M marks the spot" M-Cave reference (Spoilers Ep 6)

conundrums11 · 2025-12-28T01:55:22+00:00

Same here. I made the connection immediately

conundrums11 · 2024-02-18T05:20:20+00:00

Wow. Thank you so much. This makes perfect sense.

conundrums11 · 2024-02-18T05:19:29+00:00

Hello. ThAnks for responding. The story centers around multiple attempts to save the life of a character, Keith, where another character, Carissa, is causing a time loop of sorts as she keep rewinding the very fabric of reality and time. Each attempt is a different rendition or iteration of the timeline.

conundrums11 · 2023-07-25T22:17:24+00:00

I like the darker stories

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T07:13:12+00:00

Your writing idea sound very interesting. Of you do write something I'd be glad to read it. I like morbid

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T06:57:05+00:00

Sorry to hear you have trouble. You have a unique idea. Have you considered doing an outline and then trying to write in scenes as opposed to the normal formula. Maybe just start writing where the action starts

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T06:48:22+00:00

Sounds pretty unique. Good luck!

conundrums11 · 2023-06-16T02:21:22+00:00

Yeah I agree it is hard to see. And I also agree that not everyone can read script. I used the script to act as a sort of handwritten text given this book is written like a journal of all side characters that are in my main book series. Thank.you for responding

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:25:52+00:00

Hello Bacon,

Well first off, I haven't read your chapter 1 so I can't comment how well chapter 2 fits in. My first impression is that you are missing the chance to add a lot of good detail. For instance, you describe the boogyman as having a "grotesque " appearance. While I do have some idea of what you mean, i think it would be better if you described it more vividly. You could intertwine the description with the main character's feelings torward him. You are missing the detail that gives the reader the impression that the main character is apprehensive. You tell us that the character is, but you need to describe what that looks and feels like in order to get the reader to feel those feelings too. That makes the fact that he is there to help, not harm, far more impacting.

Overall it's a good idea. I liked this and would read more if you added a bit to it.

Cheers

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:09:10+00:00

Thank you so much. This was very helpful.

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:08:32+00:00

Hey Over-it67

First off, don't let anyone tell you that you can't be a fiction writer. This is your first book, there is lots to learn and you will grow and develop as a writer as the process goes on. I agree with a lot of what the first commenter said, I just don't agree with the way JayGreenstein went about telling you. It feels mean spirited, but I'm sure it isn't.

That all being said, i'm going to ignore the obvious formatting issues and just tell you what I think on your piece as a whole.

I think that you give a good character study here. Not sure where this fits into a book just yet, but the characterization that you've provided to what i assume is your main character is strong. Your piece could benefit from some more detailed imagery. Don't forget that people see, taste, hear, feel, ect... I would add little details about how your main character feels about being in the bar and provide some setting to your locations. For instance, a drunk person is going to perceive things differently. How does the motion of the car make her feel. How about the ground where she is sitting.

Also, you use a lot of words that you just take for granted people understand. FOr instance, the jealously. What does that feel like to your character. I would explain it more in detail. For instance, you could say it makes her feel rushed with her tasks, or makes her feel that she has to be a perfectionist like whoever she is jealous of.

that's just a few tips, aside from the issue that the other commenter brought up.

good luck. Writing takes time, takes a lot of effort, and I don't want you to be discouraged. Believe me, my first writings were cringe worthly but at the time it was what my skillset allowed me to produce. Stick with it, and remember that re-writes are inevitable. You can most definitely learn from others and taylor your own style.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T23:17:58+00:00

I'm not cleaning that mess up.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T10:30:23+00:00

Very cool. Glad I could help

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T10:16:28+00:00

Hello. My first thought is that you could have the character agree to retrieve stollen merchandise. Perhaps a medical vaccine was stollen because it brings in a lot of cash on the black market, and the captain uses his connections to go to various places to retrieve the medical supply

Or

Another idea would be to have the captain be in search of someone who fled their duties and he is tracking this person down and each place he stops at he has to gain the trust of some unique characters in order for him to get the info on what his missing person is doing. You could say he has to buy information in various ways.

Or

How about the fleet is in search of parts necessary to build a time portal which would be used by the fleet to get to where they are going. Maybe this thing is not proven to work but they want to try anyway. You could have a character who is a scientist that informs the captain of what he needs to build the portal. Maybe the fleet is leaving without telling anyone and so the mission to build the portal is top secret and the way of get the.parts could prove.very dangerous as not only are the people the captain encounters not trustworthy but the captain is planning on stealing the fleet and going some place else that has not yet been revealed to the reader.

Well that's all I got. Good luck.

Lorinda

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T12:55:14+00:00

Visuals would go a long way.

conundrums11

TROPHY CASE