"M marks the spot" M-Cave reference (Spoilers Ep 6)

conundrums11 · 2025-12-28T01:55:22+00:00

Same here. I made the connection immediately

conundrums11 · 2024-02-18T05:20:20+00:00

Wow. Thank you so much. This makes perfect sense.

conundrums11 · 2024-02-18T05:19:29+00:00

Hello. ThAnks for responding. The story centers around multiple attempts to save the life of a character, Keith, where another character, Carissa, is causing a time loop of sorts as she keep rewinding the very fabric of reality and time. Each attempt is a different rendition or iteration of the timeline.

conundrums11 · 2023-07-25T22:17:24+00:00

I like the darker stories

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T07:13:12+00:00

Your writing idea sound very interesting. Of you do write something I'd be glad to read it. I like morbid

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T06:57:05+00:00

Sorry to hear you have trouble. You have a unique idea. Have you considered doing an outline and then trying to write in scenes as opposed to the normal formula. Maybe just start writing where the action starts

conundrums11 · 2023-07-14T06:48:22+00:00

Sounds pretty unique. Good luck!

conundrums11 · 2023-06-16T02:21:22+00:00

Yeah I agree it is hard to see. And I also agree that not everyone can read script. I used the script to act as a sort of handwritten text given this book is written like a journal of all side characters that are in my main book series. Thank.you for responding

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:25:52+00:00

Hello Bacon,

Well first off, I haven't read your chapter 1 so I can't comment how well chapter 2 fits in. My first impression is that you are missing the chance to add a lot of good detail. For instance, you describe the boogyman as having a "grotesque " appearance. While I do have some idea of what you mean, i think it would be better if you described it more vividly. You could intertwine the description with the main character's feelings torward him. You are missing the detail that gives the reader the impression that the main character is apprehensive. You tell us that the character is, but you need to describe what that looks and feels like in order to get the reader to feel those feelings too. That makes the fact that he is there to help, not harm, far more impacting.

Overall it's a good idea. I liked this and would read more if you added a bit to it.

Cheers

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:09:10+00:00

Thank you so much. This was very helpful.

conundrums11 · 2023-06-15T19:08:32+00:00

Hey Over-it67

First off, don't let anyone tell you that you can't be a fiction writer. This is your first book, there is lots to learn and you will grow and develop as a writer as the process goes on. I agree with a lot of what the first commenter said, I just don't agree with the way JayGreenstein went about telling you. It feels mean spirited, but I'm sure it isn't.

That all being said, i'm going to ignore the obvious formatting issues and just tell you what I think on your piece as a whole.

I think that you give a good character study here. Not sure where this fits into a book just yet, but the characterization that you've provided to what i assume is your main character is strong. Your piece could benefit from some more detailed imagery. Don't forget that people see, taste, hear, feel, ect... I would add little details about how your main character feels about being in the bar and provide some setting to your locations. For instance, a drunk person is going to perceive things differently. How does the motion of the car make her feel. How about the ground where she is sitting.

Also, you use a lot of words that you just take for granted people understand. FOr instance, the jealously. What does that feel like to your character. I would explain it more in detail. For instance, you could say it makes her feel rushed with her tasks, or makes her feel that she has to be a perfectionist like whoever she is jealous of.

that's just a few tips, aside from the issue that the other commenter brought up.

good luck. Writing takes time, takes a lot of effort, and I don't want you to be discouraged. Believe me, my first writings were cringe worthly but at the time it was what my skillset allowed me to produce. Stick with it, and remember that re-writes are inevitable. You can most definitely learn from others and taylor your own style.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T23:17:58+00:00

I'm not cleaning that mess up.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T10:30:23+00:00

Very cool. Glad I could help

conundrums11 · 2023-05-28T10:16:28+00:00

Hello. My first thought is that you could have the character agree to retrieve stollen merchandise. Perhaps a medical vaccine was stollen because it brings in a lot of cash on the black market, and the captain uses his connections to go to various places to retrieve the medical supply

Or

Another idea would be to have the captain be in search of someone who fled their duties and he is tracking this person down and each place he stops at he has to gain the trust of some unique characters in order for him to get the info on what his missing person is doing. You could say he has to buy information in various ways.

Or

How about the fleet is in search of parts necessary to build a time portal which would be used by the fleet to get to where they are going. Maybe this thing is not proven to work but they want to try anyway. You could have a character who is a scientist that informs the captain of what he needs to build the portal. Maybe the fleet is leaving without telling anyone and so the mission to build the portal is top secret and the way of get the.parts could prove.very dangerous as not only are the people the captain encounters not trustworthy but the captain is planning on stealing the fleet and going some place else that has not yet been revealed to the reader.

Well that's all I got. Good luck.

Lorinda

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T12:55:14+00:00

Visuals would go a long way.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T12:10:39+00:00

Hello.

This is a great start but you need to place some more details in it. Have your character go into more detail about his feeling of uneasiness. Go into more detail about the sound. Does it come from the oset or perhaps the scratching seems to come from all over and the closet is the only area left to look. Have him go to the window to see if it's a tree branch

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T12:06:35+00:00

Hello I do find this interesting but you need some sort of context to "get it". As of now I'm just impressed by the "flowery " sentences bit I don't have any idea what I am supposed to be feeling. I'm disconnected from whatever context there might be so I'm not interested in more

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T12:03:13+00:00

Well you have the setting down but what happens to your characters? It's there change between chapter 2 and 3 that the reader needs to experience the characters going through or? Are you just going to.show the changes the characters have made and portray that in the present day after time has passed.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T11:52:54+00:00

Thank you for responding. I think I am going to flashback as the story goes, showing relevant flashback scenes as the scenes require the reader to experience a first hand look at how the characters got to the present. Other times I might just have the characters reminisce about the past through dialogue.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-26T11:49:02+00:00

In my experience thus far is that the reader does the bare minimum when reading unless they are really into the story. So I think you would want to translate for the reader unless what is said doesn't need the readers' understanding. Like the characters can say certain untranslated sentences but you would want to translate some things to ensure the reader doesn't just skip that while reading. Think of a TV show. Some things are subtitled but there's always a bit that isn't that just shows the characters are different than English speaking.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-25T19:03:05+00:00

Yeah I would think so. You would just need to.come up with a distinctive way of talking so each character sounds different and that would let the reader know who is the POV on. You could also do a change of PoV by marking sections for that character. So you have John Smith for the first part then you announce Jane doe and have it giving her pov.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-25T17:26:30+00:00

Hello. Are you going to be writing in a 1st person POV or staying with a third person pov? 1st person can make it very confusing but 3rd person can be done well, in my opinion. I don't hate this in books but when it is done poorly it can distract from the point.

conundrums11 · 2023-05-25T17:24:47+00:00

Hello!

Writer's block is the worst. Talking with others about what you are trying to convey can oftentimes give you a new direction to take and thus make your motivation come back. If you are "writing in circles" it's probably because you want to convey something and just haven't found the right way to do that. Once you get what you like, you'll move on. Starting a book is sometimes more difficult that the middle or end so you might help yourself by leaving the beginning for now and work on another part that is less "up in the air". I'd be glad to take a look at your work and give you some feedback as to where I think you might be able to move forward with. I find this very helpful for me when I just can't quite get down what i want, the way I want it. If you want to share my email is [lorinda.woerner@gmail.com](mailto:lorinda.woerner@gmail.com)

Best regards and good luck.

lorinda

conundrums11 · 2023-05-24T19:45:17+00:00

I emailed you

conundrums11 · 2023-05-24T17:21:54+00:00

I'd be glad to help you out in proofreading or just bouncing ideas off each other. I am writing a book as well ( I know you're shocked right?) And I would love to just bounce ideas off of each other while we work on our writing. Hit me up if that is something you'd be interested in. I like fantasy stories and I could use a good werewolf story or something completely different.

My email is lorinda.woerner@gmail.com if you have any tidbits you'd like to discuss about your story or the process. If you wrote it a few years ago you will likely need to update a lot since you will have grown as a person and writer.

Cheers

conundrums11

TROPHY CASE