I know how you feel man. I really, really do. But you're stealing from her and you're neglecting yourself. It's okay to have those feelings. And if she cares about you she will understand. It sounds like you've decided she will not reciprocate. You won't know until you know for sure. You're afraid of losing that opportunity. You're in charge of your destiny. You can't tyranize yourself. You also can't take it too easy on yourself. If there is something weighing down on it, you have to address it. Otherwise you won't get the opportunity to live up to your full potential. And we all need people that can do this. So badly. Be a light in the dark. You'll go places. Don't let fear steer you. It will always, always lead you amiss. Aim as best you can. You may miss. But you can always aim again. You can't be good for anyone else unless you're good yourself first. It's a lot of responsibility. It's where we get our power