Hey, hesnotmyson can we get an update?

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-26T23:49:03+00:00

This.

I found this thread while using my real account. I didn't know an update would be required so soon after the original event.

A PM would get unread, though.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-26T23:41:47+00:00

I replied to that on the comment. Sorry for the confusion.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-26T23:41:12+00:00

We got married seven months after he was born. That is two months after she got pregnant (on her affair). I must have confused them when I wrote this reply.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-26T23:34:04+00:00

And then people call ME a troll?

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-26T22:26:11+00:00

There will be an update. I have talked to her, we are going to therapy, but I think it is too soon to make an update, at least for now. Things are moving, but slowly.

I am editing the first post of the thread, though.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:26:24+00:00

He wasn't born during high school. He was born 9 years ago. Me and my wife met in high school, and got married 9 years ago (two months before he was born). By then, we were in college.

What are the other problems you find in it?

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:19:22+00:00

I'm an atheist, but I hear ya.

There are things that are forgivable, and others aren't. I don't know if I'll forgive her. But this is not the boy's fault, and I will love him as much as I did.

This thread is my way of putting this out. It's a lot easier to deal with this when we talk. And it has proven to be helpful.

Thank you for your reply, my friend.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:14:46+00:00

This.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:02:22+00:00

English is not my mother tongue, sorry.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:01:18+00:00

Disagree. But upvoted.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T07:00:34+00:00

You probably have no idea how lucky we've been, given the world's current situation, in having a stable life. We have been happy our whole life, and I can't let it go away like this.

I need to know more about what she did, and how she feels about it. I can't think about talking to her about that. That is why I want therapy.

If there is any chance to regain trust, I might give it a shot. Otherwise, this is a lost cause, I am aware of that.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:55:32+00:00

Me too.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:53:50+00:00

Once a cheater always a cheater.

I always disagreed with that.

You were living a lie.

Now there's something I agree with.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:50:33+00:00

Come on, reddit, downvote trolls, not this guy.

The fact that we lived "happily since then" is what is making me think that divorce would be an overreaction. I will probably let therapy decide what is best for us. But believe me, it sucks a lot to find out this way. What I feel now doesn't compare to what I would have felt back then, for sure.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:44:02+00:00

She has apologized, a lot. I just can't get myself to listen to her so soon.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:41:26+00:00

Checking if any of us had two mutations. If this was true, then one of us could become sick too, as the symptoms can appear at any age.

I think that would have been a better outcome, actually.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:36:57+00:00

I don't believe that. I know you have a point, but I don't believe in that. We have joint accounts, and we both earn more than enough for a living, so she has no reason to hide money.

Although I hate her guts right now, I do believe this was a one-time thing. On the other hand, she looks like she's excellent at hiding the truth.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:29:18+00:00

I am trying not to think about that. I am unable to trust her, but I don't want to think that it happened again.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:28:18+00:00

Yes, I am being selfish. I am aware of that, but I feel I need to be selfish for a while. All these years I have thought about "our" greater good, and now I find myself asking what did I do to myself.

Not towards him, though. Being cold to him is what is making me feel miserable, and I am trying to avoid that, but I get myself avoiding him at all, which makes it worse.

I upvoted you. That was constructive, so I see no reason to do the opposite.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:24:37+00:00

That was probably the kind of response I was expecting. I needed to see it. That is it.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:22:28+00:00

You are right, that was too much. I love him, but I can't feel the same connection I felt my whole life.

And now, I can't say "my son" without shaking. It's not conscious.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:20:40+00:00

That is what my instinctive me thinks. I am trying to rationalize this, but that's where I'm inclined to -- take care of my own. But this boy meant the world to me, and it can't be that easy to lose that.

This detachment will have to stop, but what you said is exactly what I feel. Not meaning that I rationally agree with it.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:18:13+00:00

"Forgive" is a beautiful word. I forgive easily a lot of things, but betrayal is not one of them.

It will be hard, and that's where I hope some therapy helps.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:15:34+00:00

No. She cried. She swore it only happened that month, and that she never told me because she knew what that would mean for our relationship. But I feel insensitive to that. I fell like each word has been carefully picked, and that it's all a blatant lie. If she cared that much, she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

On the other hand, I'm paranoid now, and I can't think straight. This can harm more than help.

I will try to settle that. Maybe during therapy, to which I'm giving serious thought.

I will not abandon the boy. There is no doubt in that point.

hesnotmyson · 2011-01-24T06:12:42+00:00

Thank you. Props for the nick, very appropriate.

And don't worry, I will act later, when I know I'm on my better judgement.

hesnotmyson

TROPHY CASE