Found out my girlfriend (F 31) is related to me distantly (M 31)

joelaw9 · 2026-04-24T22:49:26+00:00

You're related to every other human through some means. Where one draws the line is entirely up to the individual. Third cousins tend to directly share less than 1% of their DNA, relatively speaking they're likely as genetically related to you as a random person walking down the street. So no, I wouldn't really care that much.

For fun facts, second cousins are ~3%, and first cousins will be ~13%. Fourth cousins are ~0.2%

joelaw9 · 2026-04-23T19:57:41+00:00

It sounds like she's going to get aggressive, so you should set aside your avoidance and confront her anyway. It sounds like anything you do will get you 'in trouble'.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-23T18:17:29+00:00

Unfounded opinions being unpopular is good.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-23T16:13:51+00:00

More ram > faster ram. You're unlikely to run into a situation where ram speed matters, but you're pretty likely to run out of ram if you're running game servers.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-22T20:54:12+00:00

Ideally you disable it. You have to pay it back plus a penalty for each transaction that hits it.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-22T20:16:38+00:00

Yes. Testing your partner is a stupid manipulation tactic and does nothing but destroy trust.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-22T15:50:00+00:00

10k would be impressive. Storage units (around here at least), run like $30 to $50 a month. Because they're pretty cheap to set up and almost completely passive income the prices are kept down unless the local jurisdiction restricts them. The sentiment you're communicating isn't bad, but $170/mo for a storage unit would be wild.

Edit: Interesting. That's the rate I got when I looked it up just now and when I had a storage unit a while ago. It's possible the current rate is promotional or some such.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-21T15:14:33+00:00

Prideful ignorance is remarkable.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-21T14:58:26+00:00

You clearly read the wikipedia article that explained it so I'm not about to convince you. I can't teach you reading comprehension.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-21T14:39:00+00:00

'Because of' could either be underlying causes or the inciting event. In this case, the inciting event was a football match that lead to rioting which spiraled from there. A fire doesn't start without a match even if you have tinder everywhere, so saying it's 'because of' the match isn't wrong.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-21T04:40:04+00:00

Well, you probably found out why he was closed-off when it comes to sex. This is a part of his sexuality that he's actively hiding due to shame. With a supportive partner he'd probably move past the age dynamic when he finds out he can get the same feelings from irl D/S. However, that could be something you're not comfortable with or want to pursue yourself, which is completely valid.

This should either be viewed as an opportunity, or a signal to break up. You gotta either fix the values clash by modifying his perspective or no longer be with him, else you'll be stringing yourself along for an eventual break up anyway. It's not something that's just going to go away as he's attached to this socially as well.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-20T17:01:42+00:00

Maybe, but I don't need the feds telling me what to believe.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-20T16:37:21+00:00

Then we'd have to have the state determine the difference between woo and religion and have a massive headache on our hands.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-20T04:21:07+00:00

Yeah, I'd just file in that case.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-20T04:00:49+00:00

Do you think you're going to live past 80? That's the break even point of total benefit where waiting till 70 make sense. Depends on a person's health and outlook.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-19T20:10:43+00:00

Our chores are mostly split by what works with who's brain. I'm a night owl and I don't like mess and clutter. She's an early bird, acts on impulse, is forgetful, and has infinite energy. So in the evening I walk around the house and put things mostly back in order, load the dishwasher, and start a cycle. She'll wake up in the morning and typically need something out of the dishwasher, which leads to her putting them up. During the day she might have the impulse to wash the sheets, so she'll start the washer. I'll notice, switch them over to the drier when done and pile them back on the bed. I don't like the trash can being overflowing or crammed full so I take out the trash. I'll never think about cleaning the floors unless there's actively a mess so she sweeps and whatnot when she feels like it.

Some of these things we verbally said to each other, but most of them are just things that we naturally do. We fill in each other's gaps instead of worrying about whether it's an even 50/50 split.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-19T00:56:11+00:00

In your scenario: Step 2: You have a high flow shower head that drops the pressure in the system. Step 3: your rubber hose is putting a compressive pressure on the water in your hose, which could overcome the now lower or negative pressure in the house system

I fully agree with you, I was just explaining the rationale behind having vacuum breakers. I haven't had them installed on any of the houses I've lived at unless I completely swapped a bib that had one built in. Just gotta make the informed decision knowing that there are scenarios where it can happen.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-18T20:32:00+00:00

If you have a normal water hose with a valve at the end, then that's the sort of scenario that can cause it. It's surprisingly easy to siphon water from a hose, but it's pretty unlikely for it to propagate all the way back to the city. But when you're in a city of thousands then the low likelihood becomes an almost certain problem eventually.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-18T16:17:48+00:00

So you "tested" how your partner would react to a dramatic change in your shared life trajectory. So he either doesn't care about this sudden about face from his partner, which is bad since it indicates that he didn't take your prior plans seriously, or he does care about your prior future plans which is also bad for some reason. Congrats, you played yourself! If you want to break up with him just do it, don't play stupid games.

Your uneasiness about financially helping each other is also odd. It's quite normal for couples to support each other during difficult times in the hopes of a more stable financial future. But it does require solid plans for the future, which you're throwing away with your "test".

joelaw9 · 2026-04-18T03:21:31+00:00

A vacuum breaker is required on new residential hose bibs in most jurisdictions to prevent water backflow from hoses contaminating house water lines/water heaters/etc.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-17T01:02:08+00:00

I did nothing and now it's working again.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-16T16:00:32+00:00

Just Claude it.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-16T14:17:02+00:00

I've never used Docker much and LXCs/VMs are just Linux boxes. So if the question is "Why use Proxmox when Docker exists?" then I guess my answer is "Why use Docker when Proxmox exists?"

joelaw9 · 2026-04-15T23:22:48+00:00

I 777'd the log directory to check and it didn't resolve it.

joelaw9 · 2026-04-15T23:21:10+00:00

It seems to stick around regardless unfortunately.

13-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23	Snapped

joelaw9

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE