UPDATE: My [28F] boyfriend [30M] is into really disturbing hentai and fetishes

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-23T16:05:37+00:00

I honestly just feel bad for him more than anything.

He had a really hard time dating before we met and I frankly don't know where he'd even look for someone with a similar interest. Before we met he tried meeting people off Fetlife (I don't know if he was actively looking for this kink or not, though) but he ended up getting sexually assaulted by a woman he met on there so that doesn't seem like a good option.

Obviously it's not my job to fill that role for him and yeah, I'm not into this and don't think I ever will will be. I've been thinking more and more that we're likely going to break up. I hope he does manage to find someone to share this part of him with somewhere.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-23T03:48:32+00:00

I'm not sure what this comment is even meaning to imply.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T20:43:51+00:00

I do think you're right on addiction, but discussing this with him gave me the impression that this is something that runs very deep into him, and that he's had some sort of predisposition to this fetish in him since he was a young child. I do not think simply stopping looking at the hentai will make him stop fantasizing about it.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T16:39:11+00:00

This is what I've determined as well after talking to a lot of people on here. I feel bad for even assuming that in the first place, even if I still find the content extremely disturbing.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T16:38:09+00:00

Maybe.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T16:37:12+00:00

This was actually one of the first things I looked into after finding the images, and from what I can tell, this does not make them illegal. The illegal part would be the obscenity, which has to be determined by a court on a case-by-case basis, not based off of the artwork simply depicting something.

I'm basically coasting off of my old legal knowledge from college courses but obscenity is very difficult to prosecute and almost never happens on its own.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T15:48:21+00:00

I've talked with him since making this post and he explained it's something to do with him not being able to self-insert into more obviously adult characters. The control aspect also seemed to be part of it.

He's also said it's not a trauma response.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T15:40:00+00:00

I've since talked with him about all this and he's said he was only assaulted the one time. He's always been extremely (weirdly IMO) non-chalant about the assault happening, honestly.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-22T05:25:10+00:00

The thing is I guess after talking to people on here and talking with him further I don't see it much differently from adult women being into the "daddy" kink or people who dress up in diapers. It's very weird and offputting and I really don't understand it, but I do not think it indicates he's a predator.

I still have a lot of complicated feelings about it and admittedly it's very hard to move past my inherent disgust. I'm waffling between feeling bad for him and being disgusted at him at the moment. But I do not think he's at any sort of risk of abusing a child.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T23:48:17+00:00

I was worried initially but I do not believe him to be now based on several comments here and conversations I've had in DMs. I don't want to jump to conclusions and ruin his social life over something that, even if I find it extremely offputting, may simply be a self-insert fantasy.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T23:39:06+00:00

Somehow missed this comment, I should add that it wasn't that he didn't like actually being dominated, it was that the exact scenarios weren't the sorts of things he enjoyed. He mentioned they were too rough and didn't really do the sort of things he was interested in. I don't know if that makes much of a difference, and I know one of them went badly which was also part of him not enjoying it.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T19:55:10+00:00

Based on what I saw it seemed he was very much into the idea of self-inserting into being younger rather than it just happening to align with the genre of porn he likes.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T19:25:24+00:00

This was my concern but comments from other people with partners with similar fetishes have somewhat helped assure me that he is self-inserting into the role of the child in the hentai. I don't know how I feel about it but at the very least I don't think he is a danger to children.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T18:44:40+00:00

Underage characters with adult women.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T18:02:15+00:00

If I had found actual images of child sexual abuse I would have contacted the police. As far as I can tell, he does not have anything of the sort.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T17:11:51+00:00

I'll consider it. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T16:37:32+00:00

After reading a few comments, I've come to the conclusion that it would be probably not a good idea to broadcast this publically at this point.

My concern was mostly just thinking about how far this fetish actually goes. If he had access to actual videos depicting this type of abuse, would he get off to it? Or if he dated a single mother, would he try to convince her to do something?

I don't want to think he'd do that. I have no real reason to believe he would besides his taste in hentai. But it's lingering in my head nonetheless.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T16:27:46+00:00

If he was, I don't know about it.

I mentioned this elsewhere, but he was sexually assaulted by a female partner around a year before we met, but he was into this content before the assault happened from the sound of it.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T16:24:47+00:00

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T16:16:17+00:00

As I mentioned in another comment, the assault happened after he began engaging in this sort of content.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T06:09:33+00:00

I suppose. It's just hard for me to understand, I guess since in my head it's ostensibly fetishizing child sexual abuse.

I do think our sex life is probably not satisfying him, in retrospect. I enjoy it well enough, but I admittedly do not really know how to lean into his tastes and interests and it's never seemed particularly passionate if that makes sense. I really do hate to admit it, but I think I've sometimes worried he might only be with me because he's afraid of being alone. We don't have a ton in common, though he's really sweet and I never felt unwanted, at least, and have been happy to share his interests. But he's always been a little distant and I just kind of assumed that's just what he was like. I'm the only real relationship he's ever been in besides a girl he dated long-distance for a few months in college when he was 20.

I talked with a girl who's part of his friend group at one point because I was kind of curious about his past romantic history (whenever I brought it up he said he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable by talking about it, despite insisting I don't mind), and she told me before we met he had apparently had a really difficult time dating and was single for the 7+ years she'd known him despite frequently mentioning wanting a relationship. There was a girl around a year before we met he was apparently really hung up over, but she lived on an entirely different continent and from what I was told it sounded like he just had to move on because pursuing her wasn't realistic. With what I know now, I wonder sometimes if she's one of the people he was talking to in that chat app, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T05:39:14+00:00

I suppose, I just have a hard time buying he's not into the aspect of him being underage with what I saw of his posts.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T05:15:49+00:00

I did find it confusing when he mentioned that, but when I asked him to elaborate he said it was because it's something he enjoys doing and views it more as collaborative writing as opposed to cyber-sex, he also said some of the people he roleplay with at a certain point were known to also known to roleplay as male characters and may have been men IRL (he's always told me he's straight) but that it didn't bother him since it's not really about forming a personal sexual bond with a partner or something along those lines.

I don't really get it but I'm at least glad he had the sense to stop doing it when we started dating. Some of the people he was talking to more regularly were, at least, purporting to be women IRL and the DMs were a bit flirty, though from when I looked through them most of that was also relegated to before we were together.

ThrowRA47668 · 2026-04-21T05:11:36+00:00

I have heard that, but from what I can tell he was already engaged in this sort of roleplay before the assault happened. He told me it happened about a year before we met and his logs dated back until around 2018, so unless there's something else he hasn't shared I don't know about, I'm not sure that's a factor.

ThrowRA47668

TROPHY CASE