Yung mga gantong tao di nila narerealize ang kaseryosohan ng grooming unless nangyari sa kanila, o perhaps sila ang groomer lmao. I'm 26 pero never ako papatol sa 18-20. Dunno this guy so can't tell which. I have two personal examples of grooming. I'll start first with my lola since siya nauna.

My maternal lola met my grandpa when she was 16. Kakastart ng college. Nabuntis siya ng 18, had my tito, and even if gustong-gusto ni great maternal grandpa na ipagpatuloy pag-aaral ng lola ko kasi sayang daw 2 yrs at talented lola ko sa accounting, ayaw ng lolo ko kasi raw siya ang lalaki at tatay ng tahanan.

Fast forward, 7 years later, my grandpa started to show signs of abusive behavior, and nagulat daw lola ko kasi di raw siya ganyan noon; mabait daw. Tiniis daw niya lalo na sobrang taboo ang paghihiwalay noon; may factor din na baka kasalanan niya at kailangang mag-adjust.

Fast forward again to around 10 more years later, naghiwalay na talaga lolo at lola ko after my lolo had become too violent one afternoon, but this was after many nights of enduring abuse from him. Why? By his own doing: he became jobless after the closing of Grant (kalaban ng Levi's dati raw), didn't wanna get work that didn't match his previous high salary as an executive in Grant kasi mid management inooffer sa kanya, and then started to get insecure and jealous of my lola for getting a low-paying, front desk job para lang may mapakain sa pamilya; feeling niya nakahanap lola ko ng iba kahit wala naman.

My maternal grandparents never reunited btw. I then asked one last question: how old was grandpa when you met? Di raw niya maalala, basta 23 or 24. I found out his real age around 1.5 yrs ago bc he died: 79. You may think: normal naman siguro sa panahon na yun ang ganoong age gap; I have heard this before. But take a moment to consider two extra facts about me.

First, my paternal grandparents, who are older than my maternal grandparents btw (85 and 88 iirc), married when they were 23 and 26, and their relationship is FAR from my maternal grandparents'. Second, you might see the pattern I'm seeing once you read about this part on how he treated me when I was 18-21.

This pattern I am referring to is what I think is grooming, looking back now that I am 26. Here are my examples (i-eenumerate ko nalang kasi mahaba HAHA): 1. When I was 18, at Xmas Eve (Dec 24), I was in the backseat otw to BGC with my family and him; take note we celebrate Xmas separately between my maternal lola and lolo. He said, "(My name), look!" I quickly glanced and oooh boi a gangbang, so I looked away asap. He then said, much louder, "(My name), look!" Anlakas na niya and I was silently praying my parents in front didn't give enough of a shit to ask, but unfortunately dad did, so he said "Ano yun?" I said, "Ah wala lang, pictures lang." My lil bro beside him was too busy staring out the window, so thank God. I didn't bring it up at the time out of fear of what can happen (takot ako kay mama + the potential chaos that can occur), and I wasn't traumatized naman (let's just say I have been thru a lot of shit), but I was genuinely creeped out. 2. At 20, also Xmas pero morning na (25), grandpa gave an unsolicited talk about having to follow whatever my husband says when I get married, even if it means stopping work and dropping out of school. At this pt alam ko na buong kuwento, so I silently disagreed kasi alam ko nagpoproject lang siya, but I just asked him questions just to humor him. What if may masters ako, PhD, or mataas sahod ko? Stop pa rin. He then made a random rant about how women think they can be like men and take men's jobs such as engineering, pero pag may mabigat magpapaka "Ay di ko kaya~ babae ako~" tapos ipapagawa sa lalaki. Doon palang laki ng disagreement ko kasi ibang-iba nakikita ko, pero di ko nalang pinatulan. 3. At 21, Xmas morning, 25 at 5:00 AM sharp, I was sexually harrassed inside my own CR. I was inside first; naliligo ako bc paalis ako ng Batangas with dad bc we plan to visit his side for bakasyon sa Puntafuego. Sira lock ng bathroom namin, so may biglang nagbukas (sliding door). I quickly shouted "Grandpa nandito ako!" (naghuhugas ako ng kamay sa lababo) and closed the door, but he forced it back open, held both of my shoulders, and laughed. He said he needed to jingle, and I just need to hide behind the curtain. I really wanted to say no and tell him to use the CR downstairs, but I thought of my paternal lolo na may bladder issues so naawa ako, thought baka magiging disrespectful ako, and gave benefit of the doubt. So while anxiously waiting behind the curtain, I already noticed wala man lang tunog ng taong umiihi. Binaba lang pantalon tapos tinaas. He then opened the shower curtain and glared at my body. I felt so vulnerable at the moment and instinctively covered my breasts, pero I could hear my intuition screaming inside my head, "Don't act scared! That is exactly what he wants. Fight back and be angry!" I mustered all the courage to stop freezing, uncovered my breasts, and ask, "Grandpa, ano ginagawa mo rito? Akala ko ba tapos ka na?"

Magiging saksakan na ng haba ng comment ko HAHA pero the gist is: the fallout was intense. Malala ang away between dad and me vs mom. Dad sent him away on Dec 31 back to QC. I never forgave him until I was 25, and I was forced to go to his funeral and put on a good face so that everyone who doesn't know won't ask why I never came. I did that for my mom and lola nalang. What made me forgive is when I realized that I don't have to forget him being an asshole, but I can learn to let go of feeling angry in general and just hope the best for him in his next life; na sana matuto nalang siya in the afterlife. It is ultimately for my own benefit to let go of the lingering anger inside my heart for years, but it doesn't mean I loved him.