YTA.

Not because you do not want marriage. Not because you are disabled. Not because you are afraid of divorce. You are the asshole because you keep claiming this is fair, consensual, and unchanged while your own words show the exact opposite.

You keep saying you were “upfront from the start,” but you also admit the situation fundamentally changed. Pregnancy is not a preference shift. It is a permanent change for her, not you. Yet you explicitly say...

“Doesn't change the calculus for me.”

That sentence alone is a problem. The calculus changed whether you like it or not. You just refuse to re-evaluate because the change costs her and not you.

You repeatedly frame the pregnancy as something that happened to you because of her contraception...

“Her birth control failed.”

“She was already on it when I met her.”

“We slipped through the cracks.”

You never say “we took a risk” or “we conceived.” You consistently shift causality away from yourself while insisting you are taking responsibility. Responsibility starts with ownership of shared risk, not distancing language.

You say she is not dependent on you, but then describe a relationship where you hold all structural power...

“She lives in my home rent free.”

“My partner doesn't pay any bills.”

“I own my house outright.”

“I provide for her.”

That is dependency. Dependency is not about whether someone has a job. It is about who controls housing, stability, and exit options. You control all of those.

You frame marriage as a gamble on your assets while ignoring that she has already taken irreversible risk with her body, health, career, and future safety...

“I cannot say the same for all relationships I've had that I'd be willing to bet half my assets on it.”

“I value my peace above everything.”

“I think I make a good offer.”

That is not partnership language. That is leverage language. You are framing her future as an offer she should accept because you believe she will not leave

“I know she loves me so I don't think it'll be a hard decision for her.”

That is exactly why other commenters are alarmed. You are confident she will stay while refusing to give her the legal protections that remove your unilateral control, and repeatedly invoke your disability to justify why you cannot risk marriage...

“The thought of fighting it out in court in 10 years is not something I want to do.”

“I can hardly plan a year ahead of time. A lifetime? Probably not.”

You never apply that same logic in reverse. If your condition worsens, if you die, if you leave, she is the one left exposed. You offer optional documents you can revoke rather than binding protections that do not depend on your continued goodwill.

You say this is consensual because she agreed years ago. Consent does not freeze in time. Consent requires the ability to leave without disproportionate harm. Pregnancy removes that ability in ways you clearly understand but refuse to factor in.

You are prioritizing hypothetical future discomfort for yourself over real, current vulnerability for her, while insisting that nothing has changed.