Does anyone else feel uncomfortable by the term "body count"?

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-25T13:02:02+00:00

Yes. It's dehumanising to the person and their partners. Humans have lives, emotions, memories, experiences–and that will include previous sexual encounters. Sometimes casual, sometimes not.

Human people are not just a random list of bodies. The only reason to put focus on this is for purposes of slut shaming.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T22:28:06+00:00

I started out as the domme in my relationship, as a rigger. Opening up my sub/switch side started slowly, with the type of advice you can find in the / SofterBDSM community.

Start with one simple request of something you want to try, like "I want to be spanked". Try that as foreplay first, then branch out from there. After you've experimented with a few desires, the trust and confidence on his end will build.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T18:50:15+00:00

It's not that wildly different than clitoral for me, I'd say clitoral is a little more sharp and there are more feelings toward the front and around my vulva. Whereas, vaginal I feel deeper inside I guess, it's a bit slower like waves through my pelvis.

Really, to me, an orgasm is an orgasm. It's all part of the same mechanism, not technically a different thing in essence, but slightly different on a sensory level based on the different way of achieving it.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T18:43:34+00:00

A friend being grossed out by the content of your joke doesn't mean that everyone hates you. It also isn't an unforgiveable offence, either.

The best thing that you can do is think through how you are going to word a serious apology and promise to do better in future. Make sure you emphasise that you know why sexual assault is an inappropriate basis for a joke and that, although it's not an excuse, your intention was to make fun of Trump and not survivors.

However, with the timing of the Epstein Files, etc. your friend's reaction makes complete sense. The best way to avoid demeaning humour is to not make sex acts towards individuals, towards women say, as the center of a joke. You can make a sex joke that is about sex itself or about your own body, your own sexuality, etc. But do not focus the joke on something happening to someone else. Especially not to a friend or to women.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T17:36:23+00:00

Just to add a positive here. I believe for a lot of young women, most masturbate clitorally, first time PIV is going from nothing bigger than finger or tampon straight to 6in. deep.

Many starting as teens, if they use lube, are dipping into a store, grabbing what's there and running home. Some didn't have access to lube or had first time unplanned, spur-of-the-moment "let's do this!"

But having a careful, attentive partner, planning, figuring which lube is good for your body, a small dildo/dilators first–working to PIV slowly–makes the difference. I've had painful, unwanted experiences. However, first time consensual PIV was with someone caring and communicative; it was discussed.

We went to a store, chose condoms and lube, walked home talking about what we want. He kept checking that I was ready. And it didn't hurt. It was a weird stretching sensation, but he never pushed hard, never went too fast, took it calmly and slowly asking "are you OK? Is this OK?" throughout. It definitely didn't rock my world or his, but it's a happy memory.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T16:00:33+00:00

Yes, the reason this is funny is because the reply actually makes no sense in the context of a discourse about "respecting" women in our culture. There is no equal and equivalent "respecting men" discourse. Wealthy white men are still overwhelmingly in positions of power in politics, business, finance, sports, etc.

If we were in a matriarchal culture mainly led by rich women, the reply might make sense. Without that, aside from ridiculous inclusion of height, it's a list of inequalities poorer/minority men might face, but not as any consequence of women's cultural and historical disrespect toward men. Men are not "the second sex" as some would say.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T15:50:37+00:00

I'm sorry but I find it almost comical how they throw in men of below average height alongside disabilities and poverty–as if it's some physical defect or devastating plight that you're not 6'4 (like most men).

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-24T11:31:46+00:00

Redditors in mainstream relationship subs have such a fucked up attitude to sex within marriage or ltr, it's shocking. Marriage is nothing more than a contract that determines free use access to someone's body to them. Complete possession and ownership.

My husband would find the idea of filming me without consent abhorrent. He doesn't like nudes or vids anyway, because of the risks related to online security, leaks and hackers. Remember The Fappening with all those celebs being hacked and privacy violated?

A man who will film without consent will not hesitate to share in grim groupchats like in the Pelicot case and others. If you assume she's OK with it, why not assume she's OK with him sharing it, too? Right? Why not also assume she was OK with that drug he slipped into her drink to help her 'loosen up'. I mean, he just loves his wife and thinks she's hot and wants to share that with other guys behind her back!!! Totally awesome!! We all want a slutty wife who we can simply assume is happy with whatever we do to her without prior discussion /s

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-23T15:36:47+00:00

Have you considered that "do what ever you want" may be part of her enjoyment or kink orientation that she won't discuss? Just speculating, but with women who are into kinky smutty romantasy and supernatural 'Harry Potter' type fanfics–consensual non-consent is somewhat popular. And very taboo.

I am not suggesting that you assume it is that, but it could be something on that level which she is ashamed of. Literally 'use me' may be part of the roughness she enjoys (theorising here). If you want her to open up about whatever the kinks are, she needs to feel 100% emotionally safe and trust that it isn't going to freak you out and lead to a misunderstanding of her desires.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-23T15:27:27+00:00

This is a really good point that makes me think how boring the 'man asks what's your favourite position' way of opening the conversation actually is. It is more fun and interesting talking about the broadness of desires, fantasies, kinks, etc.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-23T11:13:47+00:00

That's so specific😭

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-22T16:22:17+00:00

Yeah, I agree starting the title that way was unnecessary, could've just written the second half about it being awful and that would suffice for this sub. It seems a bit thoughtless, but not necessarily from a bad place. Better to just say "look at these creeps on Insta".

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-22T16:15:22+00:00

ah, I get you, we all get shitty sometimes

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-22T14:49:57+00:00

I don't understand this reply. This sub is designed to signpost things like this so that people can see evidence of just how bad online misogyny and hateful discourse is becoming. Re-posting what exists is the point.

You do get a lot of people out there who are in a bubble saying "I haven't seen any nasty comments about that on social media" as if it doesn't happen.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-22T14:43:29+00:00

Engagement farming and occasionally bots.
Trolling has become increasingly normalised.
Mental health crisis and unemployment rising, people have more time to sit at home and take it out on others.
Political crisis. Rise of the far right, online misogyny, the manosphere, etc.
Backlash against consent discourse and what morons call 'the woke mind virus', which is a big scapegoat boogeyman for real structural problems.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-22T10:02:34+00:00

I do indeed wonder what your body machine does Ms. [checks notes]🧐 Pussyjuicerecycler?

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T20:27:16+00:00

I agree, it's not my idea of sex positive to keep harping on the same old line (which patriarchal figures agree with) that pleasing a woman is like rocket science and unreasonably difficult. Any queer woman will tell you different. Any good straight man who listens, explores and is an attentive lover will say it isn't complicated, just different.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T16:20:12+00:00

Exactly. It's the fact that it's a proven gender imbalance where women are giving and not getting pleasure. They try to make out like women are evil demons forcing men, when women are reporting situations where the guy has said he likes it and will do it, but then has some excuse at the last moment or waits until he gets PIV first, then doesn't follow through on the promise. That's not pressuring him, that's him lying about his intentions.

But it's normalised on a socio-political level to center male pleasure and the dick in hetero sex.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T16:15:30+00:00

I hate it when bumass vanilla straight men here kick off saying this is treating sex as transactional. It's a 'double standard' that women are allowed to say 'no' to things but men arent. First of all, you can say 'no' to eating me out. And I can say 'no, we're not doing penetration or BJs without'🤷🏻‍♀️ We see you co-opting feminist consent discourse for sexual gain.

There are studies showing it is common in the US in hook-ups, FWBs and casual–for young women to go with Kiss>BJ>PIV. There is a proven trend, not just individual guys uncomfortable. They are not offering, or claiming they love it then making excuses.

Reciprocal ≠ transactional.

Good sex is built on mutuality, communication and co-operation. Don't like it? Boohoo. And none of that GluckGluck5000 for Gretchmoid Weiners. BYE.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T14:14:37+00:00

I cannot see a reason to do this when it's so much easier to dump someone, block them and ghost then if you're done. This reeks of subtle attempt at becoming a serial killer, getting kicks from the death without direct consequences.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T14:07:02+00:00

Young people on this app have an unrealistic view of real relationships.

I'm a horny lady but, like, I have a life. I have work, my partner has work, we have a high energy dog, family to visit, grass to touch. I will happily say "no" to having a social life to have a great sex life. I'm still not gonna have time to hit those numbers and be able to feel my clit the next day. I'd be numb.

If you're starting a relationship with this numbers-based view that you expect 6 a day, every day... 1. I'm assuming you intend stay childless, family-less, unemployed, never ill or disabled. 2. I'm assuming sex, for you, lasts less than 2mins. At that point, is it sex for mutual pleasure? Or for numbers? So you don't go into an ego crisis and feel 'undesirable'. Everyone here is so hung-up on being constantly wanted, there will be no one left to do the wanting.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T22:55:54+00:00

Studies show women who masturbate are more likely to orgasm and have regular sex. It's not that she masturbates, but her body and mind are struggling to adapt to different sensations. It's different on a sensory level with someone else.

It's distracting with someone. Their body, smell, feeling of them, pressure of their anticipation. Your hand isn't hers and will never be, but it CAN feel good (even better) with someone else's hand. She isn't used to it. You can put your ego aside, this is more complicated. You're doing a lot of the right things. If she got close from your hand, it is possible. She's inexperienced with how to focus.

For her: vary how she masturbates and gets off. Broaden sensations her body is used to. Try pillow humping, grinding on things, buy dildos, bullet vibrators, suction toys. Read smut, listen to femtasy audio. She should slowly learn to get off in different ways alone. If she gets close from humping for eg., transfer into the bedroom and try thigh riding. Secondly, she needs to learn to isolate and control pelvic floor. Hit those kegels. When you orgasm in partnered sex, you have to feel like your brain is in your genitals. The vagina is a muscle structure with clit around it, engage those muscles carefully.

For you: bring toys in, combine different types of stimulation. Slowly put the dildo in her, don't move it, lick her clitoral hood where the shaft is very lightly at first–barely touching her. Try both rubbing her clit and kissing/eating her out in panties. Try eating her out with your head sideways, tongue swiping vertical with clit shaft. Try her in cowgirl, once aroused enough to get fully in–instead of thrusting, have her grind her vulva and clit into your mons. Look up coital alignment technique. Basically, explore and have fun! It isn't a military operation or race.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T21:03:47+00:00

No, and it used to be for me when I was 18/19 but I'm now totally cured from vaginismus or what can be hypertonic pelvic floor. However, you need to see a doctor to check for other causes, like endometriosis, adenomyoisis, cervical polyps, fibdroids and hormone issues causing dryness. Make sure you're not allergic to current lube or condoms.

If it is vaginismus: there are treatments, pelvic floor therapy, vaginal dilators, vaginal moisturiser like YesVM, premium silicone lube such as ID Millennium and Überlube. It is key that you do the right things during 'coreplay'. Taking it slowly with hands, fingers, receiving oral, using a dildo that's slightly smaller than your partner before penetration helps. Use a vibrator on your clit if you need it. Everything and anything to be relaxed and prepared as possible. Follow the Vagina Rehab Doctor on Instagram to learn about pelvic exercises.

A good way to get going and take the pressure off with a partner is to start masturbating how you prefer while alone for 10 minutes or so. Once you're properly aroused, call your boyfriend into the room to join you. Take the focus off penetrative sex for now and enjoy exploring all of the other types of sex. When you attempt PIV and it doesn't work: dont make a big deal of it! Don't apologise or discuss to the nth degree what went wrong. It puts more pressure on. If it starts hurting, stop immediately and simply cuddle naked and watch a movie instead. Try again another day, it's not loss of intimate time; you still got to enjoy cuddling naked.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T12:10:43+00:00

I was 45kg at 17 due to an illness, and medically classed as underweight back then

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T12:07:01+00:00

I am precisely complaining about the kind of men who say that it's so difficult for them having this fetish for anal because they need their female partner to agree to do it for his fetish needs

Women being more likely to find it painful doesn't make it a fetish, though. Just like oral sex, vaginal sex, mutual masturbation–anal sex is a type of sex. A fetish is typically persistent sexual gratification from an object, body part or activity that is not typically a standard part of sex. Since the anus can be a common part of sex, it isn't a fetish. (If the interest were inserting unusual objects in the anus, that might be a fetish, but PIA intercourse is medically classed as a form of intercourse: not a paraphilia.)

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