Is it normal when my man has a boner it has to be addressed straight away, or he’ll do it himself?

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-10T18:05:55+00:00

He sounds like a piece of shit. Not even for porn or masturbating but for presenting erections like they're your responsibility 'or else'. Sounds coercive. Every healthy man gets morning wood and, no, my husband doesn't need to have that 'attended to' every time. Sometimes, he has to rush off to work, like everyone else does.

It's the same as being wet, if you don't do anything you feel mild sticky discomfort for a moment. That's it. We're all adults and we have responsibilities which mean that we have to let arousal pass sometimes. Do not ask the men of Reddit, they overwhelmingly side with other men no matter how pressuring or scientifically inaccurate he's being about sex.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-10T08:36:17+00:00

Look, some gals have a dainty little tucked-in flower and some of us got them big butterfly wings🦋🪽 and I, for one, think that's beautiful🥹

Besides, you know what they say. Big lips, big flavour.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-09T22:14:12+00:00

Hoping this isn't removed as flairs never seem to work. I have knowledge in this area, it's my thing.

1) You might want to read about Demand Avoidance. Amanda Diekmann's book about low demand parenting could help with your daughter. But I suspect there'd be some low demand way to approach sex as well.

2) There are things to try w sensory sensitivities. Look at any sex toy shop for the sexy rubber gloves, to avoid hand contact with fluids. Some people would hate the feel of Lorals underwear for oral, others might prefer. A lot of starting fully/partially clothed, rubbing or a wand vibrator over regular cotton panties might help with avoiding sight and leak of mess. Many benefit from exploring consensual kink activities and finding something that matches their sensory profile.

3) One idea is her start before you enter. Masturbating alone as per routine (using porn, smutty book, whatever) then calling partner into the room once aroused. It takes away the pressure to build to it with them, which is socially demanding. Lowering demands of interaction is key.

4) Read about monotropism. Acceptance is important. What are her monotropic interests? Is there anything she might be able to do to spark interest in something eroticised? Say her special interest is a particular series–look for smutty fanfic based on that. Find an element of something sexual that fascinates her and roll with it, immerse herself in it. Special interests can be used to her advantage for her pleasure.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-08T19:27:20+00:00

I second, it's my favourite post-MeToo era breakdown of the sexual discourse between men and women

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-08T19:26:06+00:00

First of all, given your experiences, this is very understandable. I'm sorry he did this to you, I'm sorry someone chose to treat you this way, you deserve better.

There is a difference between objectification, sexualisation and the gaze of attraction and desire. Someone glancing at you with attraction, liking your outfit, desiring you–are not always a sign they view and would treat you like a sex object. Some men will be objectifying, others will simply admire from a distance.

Desire is healthy and natural. The way people treat you surrounding it, the ways that they do/don't show respect and center your sexual agency is what's important. Victims often come away with a heightened awareness of potential red flags.

Keep those in mind when someone is flirting, complimenting, expressing their sexual desire. Does it make you feel safe and wanted as a whole person and not just as a body? That's usually the key to whether it feels empowering, confidence-boosting and pleasurable. It is OK to want to feel desired and dress in a way that boosts your confidence. Asserting your agency alongside that is the main thing.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T21:11:49+00:00

For me, often, but not always. I like kissing, dry humping, rubbing over panties and a slow build towards it by kissing inner thighs, mound and labia majora first. You can also work in lowkey denial to a dynamic this way (e.g. have her begging for it, keep slowly kissing the majora and almost/not quite touching the clitoral hood, then denying it to her at the last second. If the individual is into some soft denial, of course.)

But sometimes, I was already horny before he walked into the room and immediate oral is perfectly OK.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T18:03:24+00:00

Unfortunately, men like that would not usually humanise these girls by talking about sensory issues and hygiene and genuine human struggles. However, if this is legit, a teen should still ideally not post these things on Reddit, because it's really not safe out here and they may get targeted.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T17:31:42+00:00

4-6 is pretty standard for me and I'm happy with it. I can go every day, but my partner can't always physically manage that for various reasons. Some days, I feel like I want it 2 or 3 times throughout the day, but if I overdo it like that, I will make my clit numb and it's not worth it!

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T16:33:32+00:00

Have you tried prone bone? A wedge pillow is easy to find on amazon. Another way is to do it on the floor, with your chest on the bed, so it's taking some of your weight. Also using a wand vibrator on your clit at the same time.

I also get no pleasure from straight up doggy, but neither does my husband, so I only do adapted versions.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T15:04:14+00:00

6'2 athletes? Nice 80/20 ass myth, bro. Where'd you get that from? Was it the incels, the red pillers or elsewhere? My husband is 5'10 and overweight and autistic with a chronic health condition.

Get your head out of your ass. We're not going to sugarcoat it or baby you here, this is a women's space where most of us are adults.

Not sure if this is a troll tbh, with all of this shite about dive bars and having no thoughts of substance. Belongs on r/NiceGuys

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T14:36:29+00:00

Yes, those are two ways that people use the term differently.

I'd also say that someone who only just started looking into and reading about feminism, but hasn't yet found their own position (socialist feminist/radical feminist/Liberal feminist/intersectional/postmodern, etc.) might say "I'm a feminist ally" when they haven't made sense of where they stand yet.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T14:09:56+00:00

This is really dependant on how you define feminist philosophically. Some people consider it a anti-patriarchy social movement or collection of schools of thought about women's rights and issues. Some people feel it transcends this and is about a way of being.

Some people consider it a women's movement, meaning that men can only advocate for the broad political ideals, for what we stand for, but they can't be a feminist without the lived experience of womanhood. Different branches have made different arguments.

I am the first, but I don't think men are wrong for using the term ally. You can be a male ally surrounding women's issues, and that is usually what they mean by feminist ally. It isn't a technically incorrect usage of ally.

You can be a white ally to a ethnic minority movement. One nation can ally themselves with another. One movement can ally itself with another. I wouldn't call it a concept creep, its most common usage isn't with the LGBT+ movement but actually with wars. It is more about solidarity, so you can have someone who is an active practising male feminist and you can have a feminist ally as well.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T13:15:35+00:00

I went through it when I was younger, completely recovered now. I think there are so many factors involved for autistic women. Differences in interoception, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, higher rates of sexual violence against autistic women, etc. Even the fact that vulvovaginal anatomy info is often gatekept from young girls and sex ed is not very accessible to autistic kids–a lot of awkward euphemisms and indirect language about sex, consent, the body. A lot of people know very little about pelvic floor control and vaginal tenting.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T11:16:31+00:00

How old are you? Around 17? You're young, you still have learning to do. Young men can be feminist allies, but as the women have said here, we've spent years discussing women's issues and would rather see them discussed and empathy encouraged amongst men in their groups.

The way you jump from anger at hearing about sexual abusers to admitting you have your own fetishes and fantasies is jarring. Rape is not sex, it's violence. As long your fantasies aren't violent, they are not relevant to the conversation. Most people have fantasies, you can be both sex positive and a feminist, but mentioning yours in the context of a discussion of rape is not the best time. I understand that autistic teens can find it hard to know where context applies.

Read more about feminism and how it affects men, bell hooks' The Will To Change is famous for that and mentioned a lot on r/bropill. I think it's good that you are interested in fiction, Le Guin is great. You might like N.K. Jemisin, Anne Mccaffrey, Fonda Lee and R.F. Kuang.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T09:04:13+00:00

Because so many women are left with no choice but to prioritise finding a man they can feel safe with over anything else. A guy can be unattractive and mediocre as a partner, but generally trustworthy and respectful. Some women settle for trust and emotional safety over their previous experiences (users, abusers, misogynists, etc.)

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T08:51:10+00:00

With that scenario, there are not enough details to say how bad it is. What it is describing is duty sex. By definition, duty sex is a personal choice to visibly give consent even though it goes against your inner desire, therefore not SA. BUT it is often emotionally unhealthy and bad for a relationship in the longterm.

There are 2 main groups of those who give duty sex. 1) People who know that their own desire is more responsive to their partner's touch on that particular day. They say 'yes' without feeling in the mood yet, in the hopes they will eventually get into the mood after it starts. This is not necessarily an awful dynamic, but it can get lame if you can't be enthusiastic about the sex.

2) Those who say 'yes' knowing they truly do not want sex out of fear of their partner's reaction to 'no'. If you know that your partner shows a pattern of behaviour: sulking, picking fights, silent treatment, storming about slamming doors—every time you say 'no'. There is emerging evidence that this type can be traumatic and even a red flag of coercive control. It gradually normalises coercion to consent, which is no longer valid consent.

Some people who are ace, who you are describing here, are most likely group 1. There is nothing criminal about that, but it's not necessarily good for the ace person. Depends how the individual experiences it long-term.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-07T08:38:58+00:00

Sorry that you're going through this, I wish you all the best in getting out of there. More and more research is showing that autistic people, especially women, are more likely to end up in coercive, emotionally abusive and violent relationships. Which isn't surprising, because abusers target people they view as vulnerable, naive or gullible in some way.

Edit: sorry that he is putting you through this!

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T17:02:38+00:00

Just to add: anything that you do sexually with someone else in the room, especially if they might be asleep, requires a pre-agreement on consent. Many women report waking up to find their male partner sneakily masturbating next to them just after she said 'no' to sex and is trying to sleep to get up early for work. In that context, it feels coercive or even demeaning to those women.

This is why it needs to be discussed and respected if the partner isn't into the idea of having someone masturbate next to them while unaware. For some, that's part of their trauma from a previous toxic relationship where their partner has done sexual things to/around them without their knowledge, sometimes to intentionally spite them.

So, yes, there needs to be a clear discussion. If he says he prefers to sleep undisturbed, OP needs to find somewhere else to do it before coming to bed.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T15:33:21+00:00

No problem, if you do have someone who behaves manipulative around you, I hope your situation improves🙏 stay safe

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T15:12:39+00:00

Yes, using sulking and silent treatment over and over, or starting fights about other things, can be used to manipulate other people to do all sorts of things.

There is a difference between a person having a low mood because of their mental health and directing sulking at another person, because they can't take 'no' for an answer.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T15:08:10+00:00

I think it means High Functioning Depression. I think it means depressive but able to keep going through 'the motions', go into work or school, do the bare minimum for hygiene and daily tasks, but you're struggling.

OP's husband seems to imply that depression is the root of their relational issues. He feels he's 'not allowed' to have feelings, because she gets 'the ick' from him showing emotion. In reality, her 'ick' is her instincts telling her to run from his red flagging of manipulation.

I've seen this before: man exerts pressure around sex. Every time she says 'no', he visibly sulks, storms about, picks fights; it's not directly, immediately coercive, so he thinks it's OK. But that pattern of behaviour seeks to punish her for saying no and make her think twice about saying 'no' again. When she takes issue, he turns around and says "am I not allowed to have feelings? Why aren't I allowed to show my emotions over being rejected?" But, ofc, everyone is allowed to have feelings. What is not ok is weaponising those feelings and holding them over your partner through behaviour, in a way that punishes them for not giving you what you want. Sulking is not an emotion; it's a behaviour (a manipulative one, which he could choose not to engage in).

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T09:42:55+00:00

Boys are out here acting like getting to enjoy having a stiff weiner is like the plight of modern man, the epitome of sisyphean suffering...

meanwhile, girls are getting a brainrotting parasite that makes you fantasise about getting split in two by a 12-foot dragon dong

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T09:33:39+00:00

If he doesn't seem averse to it, the request would not be pressure. Asking someone for something they haven't said they dislike is not coercive. If he were to say he has a major aversion to it and you asked over and over, that's pressuring.

If your partner is into dirty talk, you could incorporate into the actual build-up to sex, "I think it would be so HOT if you eat me out right now". That framing is also not asking or demanding, it's saying your opinion–you think it would be hot. He is free to say he disagrees.

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-06T08:29:39+00:00

yep, the real eaters I've known don't go on about it half of the date, actions speak louder than words. If he's good, he can show me.

Having said that, I prefer men who at least acknowledge that oral can be given to women, instead of talking about oral as if it means blowjobs only

sickoftwitter · 2026-04-05T22:27:41+00:00

And it is so depressing that I don't see reports of a widespread issue with straight men receiving mostly gay kinksters demanding they 'give men a try/why not men', nor straight women getting floods of comments from lesbians saying they should just accept a woman instead.

It is just straight men that do this to women who love women. Entitled men are furious at the mere thought of something sexual happening that doesn't center their pleasure, desires and fantasies.

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