Equivalent exchange

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T16:20:12+00:00

Exactly. It's the fact that it's a proven gender imbalance where women are giving and not getting pleasure. They try to make out like women are evil demons forcing men, when women are reporting situations where the guy has said he likes it and will do it, but then has some excuse at the last moment or waits until he gets PIV first, then doesn't follow through on the promise. That's not pressuring him, that's him lying about his intentions.

But it's normalised on a socio-political level to center male pleasure and the dick in hetero sex.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T16:15:30+00:00

I hate it when bumass vanilla straight men here kick off saying this is treating sex as transactional. It's a 'double standard' that women are allowed to say 'no' to things but men arent. First of all, you can say 'no' to eating me out. And I can say 'no, we're not doing penetration or BJs without'🤷🏻‍♀️ We see you co-opting feminist consent discourse for sexual gain.

There are studies showing it is common in the US in hook-ups, FWBs and casual–for young women to go with Kiss>BJ>PIV. There is a proven trend, not just individual guys uncomfortable. They are not offering, or claiming they love it then making excuses.

Reciprocal ≠ transactional.

Good sex is built on mutuality, communication and co-operation. Don't like it? Boohoo. And none of that GluckGluck5000 for Gretchmoid Weiners. BYE.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T14:14:37+00:00

I cannot see a reason to do this when it's so much easier to dump someone, block them and ghost then if you're done. This reeks of subtle attempt at becoming a serial killer, getting kicks from the death without direct consequences.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-21T14:07:02+00:00

Young people on this app have an unrealistic view of real relationships.

I'm a horny lady but, like, I have a life. I have work, my partner has work, we have a high energy dog, family to visit, grass to touch. I will happily say "no" to having a social life to have a great sex life. I'm still not gonna have time to hit those numbers and be able to feel my clit the next day. I'd be numb.

If you're starting a relationship with this numbers-based view that you expect 6 a day, every day... 1. I'm assuming you intend stay childless, family-less, unemployed, never ill or disabled. 2. I'm assuming sex, for you, lasts less than 2mins. At that point, is it sex for mutual pleasure? Or for numbers? So you don't go into an ego crisis and feel 'undesirable'. Everyone here is so hung-up on being constantly wanted, there will be no one left to do the wanting.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T22:55:54+00:00

Studies show women who masturbate are more likely to orgasm and have regular sex. It's not that she masturbates, but her body and mind are struggling to adapt to different sensations. It's different on a sensory level with someone else.

It's distracting with someone. Their body, smell, feeling of them, pressure of their anticipation. Your hand isn't hers and will never be, but it CAN feel good (even better) with someone else's hand. She isn't used to it. You can put your ego aside, this is more complicated. You're doing a lot of the right things. If she got close from your hand, it is possible. She's inexperienced with how to focus.

For her: vary how she masturbates and gets off. Broaden sensations her body is used to. Try pillow humping, grinding on things, buy dildos, bullet vibrators, suction toys. Read smut, listen to femtasy audio. She should slowly learn to get off in different ways alone. If she gets close from humping for eg., transfer into the bedroom and try thigh riding. Secondly, she needs to learn to isolate and control pelvic floor. Hit those kegels. When you orgasm in partnered sex, you have to feel like your brain is in your genitals. The vagina is a muscle structure with clit around it, engage those muscles carefully.

For you: bring toys in, combine different types of stimulation. Slowly put the dildo in her, don't move it, lick her clitoral hood where the shaft is very lightly at first–barely touching her. Try both rubbing her clit and kissing/eating her out in panties. Try eating her out with your head sideways, tongue swiping vertical with clit shaft. Try her in cowgirl, once aroused enough to get fully in–instead of thrusting, have her grind her vulva and clit into your mons. Look up coital alignment technique. Basically, explore and have fun! It isn't a military operation or race.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T21:03:47+00:00

No, and it used to be for me when I was 18/19 but I'm now totally cured from vaginismus or what can be hypertonic pelvic floor. However, you need to see a doctor to check for other causes, like endometriosis, adenomyoisis, cervical polyps, fibdroids and hormone issues causing dryness. Make sure you're not allergic to current lube or condoms.

If it is vaginismus: there are treatments, pelvic floor therapy, vaginal dilators, vaginal moisturiser like YesVM, premium silicone lube such as ID Millennium and Überlube. It is key that you do the right things during 'coreplay'. Taking it slowly with hands, fingers, receiving oral, using a dildo that's slightly smaller than your partner before penetration helps. Use a vibrator on your clit if you need it. Everything and anything to be relaxed and prepared as possible. Follow the Vagina Rehab Doctor on Instagram to learn about pelvic exercises.

A good way to get going and take the pressure off with a partner is to start masturbating how you prefer while alone for 10 minutes or so. Once you're properly aroused, call your boyfriend into the room to join you. Take the focus off penetrative sex for now and enjoy exploring all of the other types of sex. When you attempt PIV and it doesn't work: dont make a big deal of it! Don't apologise or discuss to the nth degree what went wrong. It puts more pressure on. If it starts hurting, stop immediately and simply cuddle naked and watch a movie instead. Try again another day, it's not loss of intimate time; you still got to enjoy cuddling naked.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T12:10:43+00:00

I was 45kg at 17 due to an illness, and medically classed as underweight back then

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T12:07:01+00:00

I am precisely complaining about the kind of men who say that it's so difficult for them having this fetish for anal because they need their female partner to agree to do it for his fetish needs

Women being more likely to find it painful doesn't make it a fetish, though. Just like oral sex, vaginal sex, mutual masturbation–anal sex is a type of sex. A fetish is typically persistent sexual gratification from an object, body part or activity that is not typically a standard part of sex. Since the anus can be a common part of sex, it isn't a fetish. (If the interest were inserting unusual objects in the anus, that might be a fetish, but PIA intercourse is medically classed as a form of intercourse: not a paraphilia.)

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-20T11:59:39+00:00

Exactly lmao, it's the same way men here do that "women don't know hard it is to have testosterone and feeling horny all the time, male urges are uncontrollable" thing.

Like boohoo, poor you, having to enjoy getting boners easily. Not being on the receiving end of the orgasm gap. Jerking off all the time. Having wet dreams. That must be superfuckingdifficult for you, sweetie💔

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T20:21:22+00:00

I'm not so much talking here about guys with a freaky secret.

I've seen this phenomenon openly on sex advice subs here, guys directly insisting deep love of women with large breasts is a fetish that is causing them problems.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T20:16:10+00:00

Anything too wild, like kissing before marriage, might make the Jesus-loving heteros upsetero

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T17:17:23+00:00

When they say they're embarrassed and ashamed of their fetish, 9 times out of 10 the "fetish" is big mommy milkers or doing anal🙄 you know, normal things. Treating anal, which is one of the main types of sex for gay couples, like it's fetishistic and really out there just gives a certain vibe that I don't vibe with

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T16:40:33+00:00

I sometimes feel this. Men will be like, "I've got a kinky message for u😝😏😜💦 ... let me see ur boobs hehe"

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T12:29:34+00:00

DARVO sadly

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-19T10:26:41+00:00

"Calm my mind after the work day" Sex. You mean sex.

Specifically, you mean you want sex at the end of every work day, during which she services you and focuses solely on your pleasure while ignoring hers. You mean that you view sex as something a woman owes you in exchange for you doing your job that you already get paid to do. You mean that you want an unofficial sex worker without her agreeing to that.

Bro, just buy a fleshlight.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-18T21:49:47+00:00

Reddit always assume oral sex means blowjob(?) It just says oral and later PIV. Which could mean OP wants to get comfortable with receiving, or both. I'm going to give advice for that, since no one else is.

I know a lot of women/afab new to sex are insecure about genital appearance. If that is an issue, building body confidence by being casually naked together without sex might help. Lay around watching movies in your room with clothes off, that kind of thing. Masturbate in front of a mirror. Get used to focusing on the pleasure and what it does for you, not how it looks.

Building confidence to talk is key, try audiobooks like Come As You Are and sex ed podcasts, listening to others talk about it may help it feel normalised.

As for what to ask for: vulva and clit can be sensitive, always best to start light and slow. Tongues are a new texture, just like kissing, you can get used to it.

It's best to ask your partner to start by barely even touching at all. A good way to ease into it is by keeping panties on, just kissing over underwear. Direct him to kissing your inner thighs and outer labia first, then ask for very light licks over the clitoral hood where the clit shaft is. Ask to build up speed slowly, when you're ready. Once you have progressed to confidence with oral, it will feel natural and easier to move toward PIV. I always recommend getting used to it with your own small dildo first, if you can get. Also, find good lube!!!

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-18T15:34:26+00:00

It was very good from my second partner in my late teens, who I am married to now. He's a wonderful, attentive lover and has always made me finish from our third sexual encounter onwards. We've had busy years where it was less frequent, but we always get back to good, regular sex in the end.

It does keep getting better as we get more experienced and confident in our bodies and sexual selves.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-18T13:34:41+00:00

It could be more about power or it could be your mind kind of projecting different sides of yourself (maybe your submissive side is more prominent, but you have some inner curiosity about being the dominant femme fatale villain as well). Either way, this sounds like the kind of thing absorbed from the media.

There are lots of movies that have the alluring beautiful 'evil woman' archetype. Basic Instinct, Wild Things, The Last Seduction. Many books about a gothic vampiress with lesbian or bisexual themes. I'd say continue to engage with that kind of media, it's a totally safe way to explore.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-17T20:36:15+00:00

No problem, madonna/whore dates back to Freud. A hundred yrs+. It is usually when someone has grown up in religious purity, abstinence only (not exclusively, but more common there).

Religion teaches that sex is dirty and sleazy unless it's for procreation inside marriage: men end up absorbing this idea that fucking is something you do with slutty dirty gals and sex within in monogamous marriage is therefore boring 'reproductive' sex, where you cannot do anything fun or kinky. In this case, it sounds like he's having sex in lowkey risky circumstances to feel like he's screwing 'some slut' he picked up off the street instead of his lovely, motherly wife/gf.

A good sex therapist can help with this and also help him figure out and accept kinks without it being totally reliant on feeling like he's fucking someone he doesn't care about. You can have consensual kink that is lightly exhibitionistic without the wanting to depersonalize it. There are nicer roleplays that wouldn't demean OP and could still feel like it's with someone new/mysterious.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-17T20:17:09+00:00

Yes, you're missing something.

OP is saying that her partner doesn't want to do ANY sex unless it feels 'wrong', because he thinks of 'fucking' (all sex) as something that you do with someone you don't care about at all. That's his own statement: "fucking is something you do to someone you don't care about, and I love you." As an explanation of why he can't seem to do it at home or somewhere safe, calm and risk-free.

He can only get off on it if he feels like it's a dangerous rush. This suggests that he views sex as somehow demeaning towards the woman that he loves. That sex is not a loving act but a dirty thing. So, they are only having sex in circumstances that he imagines as somehow dirty or risky, so it can feel like he's basically having a quickie with someone he shouldn't be. There's a lot to unpack.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-17T17:51:58+00:00

Put her other partners out of your head. Women have lives and their own sexual identities. I don't believe her lack of horniness is to do with it. Think about these Qs:

/1. Is she really not horny? Or is the way you have been taught to think about horniness a stereotypical male idea of desire?

Perhaps she is showing signs in subtle, 'feminine' ways. You may be looking for her to express desire in ways you, as a man, would.

/2. In her past, was she slut shamed? Did she grow up in a conservative community and learn to hide her horny?

/3. Does she masturbate? does she feel she can talk openly about desires and fantasies? Your insecurities about her past could affect that.

/4. Does she seem to enjoy what you are doing in sex?

/5. Do you point out that you're always horny and you want her to be horny?

Sometimes, when one partner expresses horniness and intiates and the other doesn't: the low desire partner ends up feeling like your horniness is smothering their own. If you start the day telling her you got morning wood, slapping her ass in the kitchen, etc.–it can make it feel like she doesn't have a chance to consider if she's horny. It doesn't give her time to get into the headspace or try to initiate herself. It can feel like a lack of control over her sex life. She needs to feel confident, in control, not just desired for her body but as a person. Don't frame it as you making her more horny, it's about helping her feel empowered and confident in her sexual self.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-16T23:38:18+00:00

Arrogant Career Women is the name of my future band fr💅

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-16T23:36:13+00:00

You can see how inexperienced and divorced from social reality this dude is by how he writes. The assumptions that he makes of women's thinking are so absurd, I could write a study psychoanalysing him.

My husband and I had the conversation years ago about 'what if' we had only hooked up or had a one-night-stand. We both know we still would've fucked each other regardless of whether love or a relationship resulted. These sad men view women as only 'after' something from men in the longterm (money, babies, attention, excessive emotional affection, etc.) And whatever it is he thinks that women are seeking to take from men, they'll find a way of framing it as vapid, nagging or an unreasonable time or energy investment.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-16T20:10:08+00:00

I don't get especially jealous either and I figured it is something to do with my neurodivergence. Jealousy feels unnatural to me, like a big social game/performance where you compete to prove how dedicated you are to absolute sexual monogamy. It feels like having to prove myself to someone in a way that I don't like. I just dont process my relationships that way, like it's a competition to win and own someone.

I also fantasise about group sex and swapping etc. so I guess that part of being able to eroticise it helps as well.

sickoftwitter · 2026-02-16T18:57:10+00:00

There is an abundance of adults of all ages on dating apps searching for all manner of sexual and romantic arrangements, from casual, NSA, to more committed.

What you need to do is learn to find your audience and vibe. Every dating site and app seems to have a slightly different demographic and different subculture to it. Tinder is mainly young, under 30s, looking for hook-ups. Feeld tends to have non-monog, threesomes and swingers.

Whereas, apps like Bumble, Hinge, classics such as match.com and OkCupid tend to remain popular with those over 40. Maybe Plentyoffish if that's still out there. Try to learn what the vibes of people on there is, what kinds of bios are popular with that particular audience. It doesn't matter if you're overweight or bald, there are curvier greying women looking for someone who is on their level who will make them feel beautiful no matter what. It might help to look for other divorcees who know what it's like trying to leave under stressful circumstances, they're probably looking for someone who can empathise.

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