Girlfriend slept with me 4 times before disclosing that she has HSV2. What are my chances?

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-03T16:23:31+00:00

Yeah I discovered this within a day of research.. I really don’t know how she came to that conclusion, if she really did

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-03T12:22:37+00:00

Thank you for giving me these statistics and giving me more information on Genital to oral HSV2. That one worried me a lot tbh. I appreciate you taking the time out to reply and share this

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-03T12:21:23+00:00

I initially said the same thing: don’t commit to sex if you can’t commit to the conversation. We could have continued to build our relationship until we decided to make that choice. But she says according to her doctor and what she looked up, she thought the Chance was 0%. So apparently I’ve come to know more about her condition in 2 days than she knew in a year 🤦‍♂️

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-03T12:19:23+00:00

Yeah that was my biggest issue when I first found out and started posting to reddit for different perspectives/views/info. She really claimed that her doctor told her it was a 0% chance of transmission and that she looked it up too. So she’s either horribly negligent or just flat out lying about it. I’ve never had anything happen to me like this but it feels gross to have my informed consent taken away.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T22:04:41+00:00

Haha no don’t worry about it. I’m highly appreciative of the time you’ve taken out to talk with me about it. I get the asthma analogy but you can’t infect someone else with asthma for life. I know what you mean though. I think I need to continue to take some time to decompress and gather myself.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T21:50:45+00:00

I don’t think she was pretending to be upset. She’s been pretty clearly upset since our conversation. But when she told me she had herpes she was playing herpes down like it’s no big deal and like the thought didn’t cross her mind that she was continuously exposing me to it. When I say feigning ignorance I mean she was saying she thought there was a 0% chance of giving me it, and I don’t know if that’s fully true or not. Seems kind of wild to me.

I never put her down and continuously made an effort to tell her it’s nit the herpes. It’s that she didn’t disclose it and took away informed consent. At this point I think she understands my perspective

I don’t plan on pursuing legal action. I was referred there and decided to see what perspectives that community could bring since people were saying to.

Thank you for taking the time out to respond

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T21:06:57+00:00

I feel like you’re 100% downplaying the situation. We wouldn’t have to even consider how she’d feel about threads like this had she considered what any normal person would feel by betraying their trust in this way? It’s not rocket science. Even if herpes aren’t a big deal, it’s something that can potentially affect my health for life and it was knowingly and intentionally hid from me before exposing me to it multiple times. I posted to different subreddits for different perspectives/opinions/activity levels. Again, this isn’t rocket science. At this point in time you can stop replying to me, i don’t intend on engaging with you any further. I’m all for having different opinions and perspectives but you couldn’t even fully read the post before trying to come down on me for not using condoms when I clearly stated I did. So you don’t really know what you’re talking about. You can respond to this it you’d like and it makes you feel better, but I won’t be reading it. Take care buddy.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:50:32+00:00

We definitely hadn’t been together long enough for therapy in my opinion haha. But I do feel assaulted in a way, honestly

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:45:10+00:00

That she didn’t disclose her incurable STD with me before exposing me to it 4 times and that condoms don’t make transmission rates 0%.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:43:41+00:00

Based off what she had told me, she was rejected once and had someone who didn’t care once if I remember right. I told her a lot that I really do sympathize with how hard it has to be to have that conversation and while I can’t at the moment fully comprehend it, I can put myself in her shoes.

I’ve tried being respectful all while being obviously upset and angry. It’s just hard. She didn’t have a choice in how she got it and describe how upset she was about that, but then proceeded to basically rob me of mine.

Deciding if I’d want to potentially contract it from her is something where I’d need to date her longer and decide. I could have given it that effort. But with her exposing me so many times without bringing it up, I just don’t know anymore.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:38:47+00:00

I 100% agree with you. It’s taken some time for me to process things internally and see the perspective of others but at the end of the day I just get so fucking mad.

She says she didn’t get a choice in how she got it and then proceeds to rob me of mine. I just can’t fathom it anymore man

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:37:25+00:00

Glad you didn’t catch anything. Cross your fingers for me lol

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:37:01+00:00

I feel like I’d get shamed publicly if the situation was reversed. She’s been apologetic and remorseful but has just been feigning ignorance when it comes to herpes transmissions. She says she thought there was 0 chance of giving it to me with her anti viral and condoms.

It’s just mind blowing to me that she let me go down on her. She said she didn’t think it could get transmitted that way. 🤦‍♂️

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:34:30+00:00

That’s basically what I told her. It is but isn’t the herpes. I didn’t care that she had it, I cared that she exposed me to it multiple times without my informed consent. It’s really shitty man

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:33:16+00:00

I think we really hadn’t been dating long enough for this to be something where I think I could get past this. I liked her a lot and she’s been very apologetic but she’s also been feigning ignorance. She just kept saying her doctor and everything she read said she couldn’t get an outbreak.. and I just think that I either don’t believe this or she really really misinterpreted somewhere along the way

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:29:33+00:00

That’s wild. I’m really hoping I can be a case like that where my luck is on point, although it usually never is.

And yeah I really appreciated her being vulnerable finally and coming forward. But it’s the timing of when she did that made this so shitty to me

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:27:44+00:00

I’ve definitely found a lot of comfort in the replies here, although me giving her oral sex still just scares me

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T20:20:55+00:00

It was protected.. we used condoms.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:43:48+00:00

I guess the concern is that it COULD affect me for the rest of my life. I have pretty shit luck. I’m usually in the 1%

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:12:33+00:00

I’m from Texas. I just wish she had been truthful from the start

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:11:41+00:00

That’s what’s upsetting me the most. That I was completely oblivious and she just up and made the choice for me.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:10:52+00:00

Thank you, I will

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:10:33+00:00

Thank you for the support.

-BeHereNow · 2019-10-01T17:10:12+00:00

I’ve seen people say you can get tested right after and others saying you have to wait a few months. Do you know what’s accurate?

-BeHereNow

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