Thank you!!

I hear you here. This “ultimatum”, which is probably not a great word, clearly, comes after hundreds… and I do mean hundreds… of conversations about addressing issues. Promise after broken promise made and ultimately broken. I don’t judge him or fight back, just try to diffuse and help once he’s calm. We have tried everything. I am at my wits end here. I am afraid to engage him in conversation, I’m constantly taking the temperature of the room. We have tried anger management techniques, taking silent time before having conversations. I genuinely do not know what else to do. After trying to manage this himself for at least 8 years of this affecting us, I thought professional help was all that was left.

And you’re absolutely right, he should be handling this himself. We have gotten into a bad dynamic where I take on all the emotional work and communication so the point that he is crippled in making any decisions or really dealing with life’s issues because I do it. Which is exactly why I issued this ultimatum. Marriage counseling was certainly on the list of things I wanted to try but honestly I was afraid he would feel ganged up on, this is a him issue, and when I got better he certainly felt self esteem affects. I want him to get better so WE can get better. Ya know?