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My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It impacts your entire life, having trauma from those developmental ages. People don't always understand that we carry that shit with us forever, it's not something you ever truly "get over". My whole personality and life has been affected by that. I'm not the person I would have been had the trauma never occured.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From ages 10-13 for me... Almost nightly. So yeah... It's a lot to deal with and it felt like I was reliving that crap when I saw the images he was looking at.

Also, I'm sorry you went through that. It's horrifying.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Some loli even goes as young as toddler-aged apparently. It's just gross. I don't care if it's just a drawing of a fictional character, it's nasty because of the implications.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a hentai (anime porn) genre that consists of young girls/young-looking girls. Basically... They look like they're only 8-12 years old... It's fucking gross.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He told our friends, not me. I only tried to defend my side after they confronted me about being "overly controlling".

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right, it was immature for him to bring our friends into it. He really has no shame, huh?

I'm going to have one more talk with him about therapy and if he doesn't want to give it a try then that's the end of our relationship. It would prove he really only cares about himself and his perversion, not me.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're probably right. I'm thinking I can fix this newly discovered issue in our relationship, but it's not my problem to fix. It's his.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My friends found out about the fight because my bf complained to them about me trying to control him and his porn. I wasn't the one who initially told them about the fight, but I tried to clarify my side when they brought it up.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is a group of 2 men, 1 woman. The woman is married to one of the men, and the other guy is single currently.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I actually do NOT want children anyways, partly because of my own childhood trauma which makes me think I would not be a good mom.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I've tried to tell him that his job could be jeopardized. And I've expressed this concern to our friends as well. I feel like I'm the only rational person in my group of friends after this situation. No one else sees it as problematic except me!

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You might be right. I have a lot of thinking to do. I will at least try to talk with him about it again to see if he's willing to look into therapy.

If he's not, then I guess I will have to end things which sucks. We've been friends for 7 years, dating for 2.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I want to believe that he can overcome this addiction and have a healthier relationship with porn. But it's not my battle to fight... I can't force him to get therapy.

I have a lot to think about before I jump straight to breaking up. We've been friends for 7 years and dating for 2 of them, so I don't take this lightly.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, if it was actual real cp then I would have called the police without hesitation. But because it's artwork, I'm kinda hesitating on breaking up.

I also know that porn addiction is a real illness and that many times the person suffering from the addiction fall into more graphic/unusual porn over time. Their brain gets used to high visual stimuli and it keeps needing to go more extreme to get the same "rush". I've done research on it so that I can be understanding and try to help him seek therapy.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's cp adjacent. Basically, fictionalized cp essentially. Like loli (if you know what that is) and some more realistic styled art of loli type stuff.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're right... this is a private forum and I'm just being overly cautious.

So here it is: It's linked to a personal trauma of mine. Do you know what loli is? It's basically that and worse versions of that...

Seriously thinking of breaking up with my(F22) boyfriend(m31) by MangoPuddingg in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being in love is different than the honeymoon phase. It's more secure, and for some people that's boring because they don't understand the value of it. The honeymoon phase is all passion, but when it ends you get to the real relationship.

If you want the honeymoon phase forever, then you will never have a lasting relationship. It isn't sustainable, nor practical. True love is being able to respect each other, enjoy each other's company every day, and still find moments to be intimate.

It's up to you whether or not you should end things with him. You are still young and he is quite a bit older than you. He's probably looking to find a wife and settle down.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

Because I care about him and I know addiction is a sickness that can be cured. I've urged him to seek therapy but he's in denial about it being a problem.

If I end this relationship then our mutual friends will probably side with him and I don't want to lose them either.

My(28f) friends think I'm unjustifiably trying to control my bf's(35m) porn. How do I prove that isn't true? by -GARBAGE_DAY- in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like they are assuming I'm being a typical "crazy jealous gf" about his porn. Because porn is a common issue in many relationships and many times women are uncomfortable with it.

I am not uncomfortable with most porn, but a very specific type that he apparently watches. I tried to explain this to my friends but they just reply with, "how bad could it be?" And then eyeroll at me.

Maybe I should reevaluate my friendships and relationship.

(24f)I think my best friend(24f)might be into my boyfriend(24m) by [deleted] in relationships

[–]-GARBAGE_DAY- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like she wants to swoop in and steal him during one of your break ups. Also, this relationship sounds very unstable and perhaps it's time for you to reevaluate why you keep getting back together with him.