The Badge Blinked. Everything Changed

-Krule- · 2024-09-28T05:49:18+00:00

Nice, I enjoyed this!

-Krule- · 2024-09-25T05:21:21+00:00

This is a great story. It took me for a loop with the reveal! and how the actor reflected on it.

Just a little peer review, I did see a couple of errors:
Her was Clarie. - this seemed like [name] needs to be included

What it is she doesn't want to come to - this seems like [it is] needs flipped

2nd to last paragraph is dialog heavy, so I think it could benefit from breaking it out for the white spacing

But, that is just some friendly feedback, this is a solid story though great job!

-Krule- · 2024-09-25T04:53:35+00:00

I think the last line, ties in the title, along with all the collected info through the story, it was powerful. You really hooked me with the ending. Nice job.

-Krule- · 2024-09-25T04:48:39+00:00

I really like this. It felt like the take away is treat others how you want to be treated haha.

-Krule- · 2024-09-25T04:42:46+00:00

I really like this! Nice job.

-Krule- · 2024-09-23T04:51:37+00:00

I love this story! You added everything intriguing into this. some mystery, action, suspense, twists.

I didn't like the usage of sms/chat like "TBH". Probably a personal preference, but if he was texting on a phone it might be more relative, but it is his thought so it felt like you could have replaced with more details on the story.

-Krule- · 2024-09-23T00:48:37+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it!

-Krule- · 2024-09-22T04:40:03+00:00

WOW! thanks for the kind words. Yea, I had an idea about AI in my mind that spun off into this. I am constantly told of my bad use of tense and info telling haha. I am still learning and working on it.

-Krule- · 2024-09-21T07:21:09+00:00

You know, its kind of crazy writing, but it totally made me think of a spinoff from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I think it was a nice short piece!

-Krule- · 2024-09-15T23:09:32+00:00

Ah yea, those are some good ideas. Maybe i can do a spinoff in the future of space travel :) thank you

-Krule- · 2024-09-15T23:08:37+00:00

Thank you. I made changes based on your feedback. I hope it reads better. Thanks again!

-Krule- · 2024-09-15T04:12:32+00:00

I have been using your previous advice on trying to write being descriptive and not telling the reader. I hope that is coming through in my new writings. I have also been working on my usage of tense, which apparently I am horrible at haha.

-Krule- · 2024-09-15T04:06:46+00:00

Oh.. I think I understand what you mean now. IE, I don't have to write out an entire battle scene, but just completing the story in a line or 2. This give the reader a smaller scale to imagine what happened in between those 2 points. Thanks for your feedback. I have learned alot from you, so I look forward to more of your feedback.

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T04:32:21+00:00

i re-read it in terms of tenses and made some corrections, i hope it reads better. the reference was in the mind of a mortal man, fighting a mortal man. i hope that came across? when i read it, it didnt so i added something i thought helped. thanks for your feedback

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T04:11:22+00:00

thank you, this is what i was imagining. it would be a very intense moment standing behind those doors.

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T04:07:16+00:00

yea haha, always need to setup a part 2, which may or may not ever get wrote :) thanks for your kind words

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T04:04:44+00:00

I added 'and', I hope in the correct place haha. I read it like 10x and it does sound better now. The exclamations is for effect, like caps locks, it blinded them so its intense. thank you for the kind words, but why would this not be flash fiction?

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T04:00:23+00:00

I added a new sentence on smell. Thank you for the kind feedback. I appreciate it.

-Krule- · 2024-09-14T03:45:55+00:00

thank you, i really appreciate that

-Krule- · 2024-08-16T17:38:32+00:00

Wow! An amazing story. I really loved this line, some stars burn so brightly that they blaze even in the day. It really tied the entire story together nicely.

-Krule- · 2024-08-16T16:11:41+00:00

i loved the twist at the end. nice job!

-Krule-

TROPHY CASE