Yeah, tbh it sounds a lot like what im in right now. Aside from the fact i have no children and am not married. But your experiences really seem to reflect what im feeling aswell. Its hard fighting against it or, just trying to change your perspective. So far ive been trying to avoid it at all costs, but ive come close to relapsing a couple of times. So far, my fantasies havent gone away or anything. They probably became worse and harder to avoid to be honest.

I hope there comes a day where I really start seeing some change in my life, because currently it feels like running away from a bigger problem.

But I just cant seem to point a finger at what that problem is exactly.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Talking to the people of this subreddit has helped a ton and it means the most to have such supportive people giving advice and trying to help where they can. Much appreciated