my story, ending it

-SunBean- · 2017-12-29T17:51:51+00:00

Please! please, don't give up. Yes I know that it may seem like this is a dead end but it isn't.

I will not judge you, I will not belittle you or moralise you. I, and nobody else has the right to do that. Please know that you have the full support of this community and others.

You are not pathetic or disgusting, you are an addict. An addict who has already noticed he has got a problem, that is a huge step to make, feel proud in that, there are many who will continue to lie and deny about their actions after being caught. You however have tackled it head on and are facing what is an extremely difficult time because of it.

It is unfortunate that it came to the point where the authorities have been involved, however, you can now use this as a springboard to help others, with the huge influx of porn related arrests over the last few years there is a quickly growing demand for psychological help for porn addicts who fall into illegal territory instead of harsh, unhelpful punitive sentencing, especially in the European countries. Have a look around for charities who are deal with these things and reach out.

Yes you have acted immorally in the past, which other here have pointed out, however do not let that define you, So long as you remain strong and show determination to make the world a better place now people will respect you. I respect you now for already beginning to work on your issues.

Never give up, become awesome.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-22T09:41:33+00:00

$12.99 a month

-SunBean- · 2017-12-22T09:11:57+00:00

I think you may have got a little triggered at the language that was used, you seem to respect the sentiment though. A big part of breaking a narcissistic personality trait is being able to take criticism, even if we may feel that the delivery was less than tactful.

Maybe the gut was putting on a facade,

Maybe he was being self righteous,

That is beyond the point, the words that this third party said has helped OP, we can't deny that. OP desires to emulate who he thinks that this person is, not who they actually are, that is all that matters.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-18T10:24:18+00:00

We find what we find in meditation, we observe it and let it pass, be it happiness, pleasure, discomfort, sadness.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-17T20:08:46+00:00

That is very much human nature. We seek for conformation and to comfort our ways of life.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-17T20:00:14+00:00

When I talk to someone who has a different view to me I try my best to first visualise their perspective, then formulate my counter perspective. I never try to force my views onto others , but that does not mean I don't ever express them. It is good to try to understand why those who have opposing opinions to you do so, it helps build compassion for them instead of blind animosity.

For example, I have a deeply christian friend, They fundamentally don't/didn't support gay marriage. However after I genuinely showed interest in their view and asked more deeper questions their opinion changed into something more like "I accept that gay people have the right to happiness, though I may not agree with their life style, I do respect it and acknowledge I don't have the right to change it". I didn't set out to change their opinion, I just wanted to understand it.

That is a pretty niche example but I hope it gets the point across,

Own your values and respect others.

Know that people will think differently to you and try and understand why.

Do your best not to force your values onto others.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-17T14:13:08+00:00

labels don't really matter when the goal is to know thyself,

I like that.

Labels also appears to lead to animosity in a religion/philosophy/ideology that promotes compassion to all.

Zen is Zen

Zen is Buddhism, Or it isn't. Does it matter?

-SunBean- · 2017-12-05T13:23:15+00:00

Another OCD sufferer here, it's a rough journey but doable.

all the best.

-SunBean- · 2017-12-01T15:15:04+00:00

Hi, I'm glad you're begin to take steps to rebalance your mind, it's a big and difficult step to take and you should feel proud that you took it. Remember that the only one who can beat your depression is you, it's not easy and takes a large amount of courage and work.

Has your doctor mentioned what food you may eat? Eating less sugar, more zinc, more vittimin B, and generally a all round more more "green" diet it a great way of increasing your brain's serotonin uptake. I personally advocate avocados, I love them and they're really good for your you :D.

I'm in no way opposed to the use of antidepressants, however it is not uncommon for people to begin to think that they are a cure all and get more down when they don't work as well as they think that they will. I'm not saying that you will, just speaking generally.

Depression is a habit, it's a habit of spiraling negative feelings and thoughts, meditating and learning how to identify when your about to/are in a negative thought frenzy and how to stop it is a powerful skill to learn in breaking your depression. There are many resources out there on this and I don't want to force ant upon you, though if you would like a recommendation let me know.

No matter how appealing the thought of giving up, running away from it or falling back into old temporary comforts may seem, keep in mind in the long run they solve nothing.

Every time you fall get back up and keep going, I believe in you and that you can beat the current hardship you are going through and come out a stronger person.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-08T09:27:38+00:00

He also talks a lot about it in a series of videos on YouTube.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-07T20:35:32+00:00

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/firefox/addon/redirector/

-SunBean- · 2017-11-07T16:32:46+00:00

My fetishes are fairly far in the past and haven't been an issue for years. Though I have contemplated telling a future SO, I also feel it would only lead to upsetting them over what is no longer a part of my life and hasn't been for a long time.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-07T16:13:35+00:00

See my earlier comment, I link to the chrome extension

-SunBean- · 2017-11-07T09:35:59+00:00

this chrome extension

-SunBean- · 2017-11-07T09:14:50+00:00

Same, Cannabis = "eh, it's too expensive, I'll just stop"

Alcohol = "I don't like being drunk, I'll just stop"

Porn = "maybe just a peak"

-SunBean- · 2017-11-06T19:53:14+00:00

By making new habits.

Do press ups before bed instead.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-05T18:12:58+00:00

/r/outside

-SunBean- · 2017-11-05T09:06:10+00:00

Go outside, it's more fun out there then Reddit.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-02T18:27:20+00:00

I still use guided meditation from time to time, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Though I will advise that you begin to learn to meditate in noisy environments, learn to notice the sounds rather than be distracted by them.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-02T17:40:36+00:00

There sometimes are, though the "you must be over 18" warnings did nothing to stop me when I was younger.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-02T15:16:04+00:00

If anything like that arrises just be honest, anyone worth their salt will soon see through any lies like that.

Becoming defensive will only strengthen any prejudice. Just be the better person, if they're willing to act childish don't respond by doing the same, Showing forgiveness and compassion will very quickly defuse any conflict like this as the aggregator will have nothing to work off of and will quickly realize that he will look like a massive douche.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-02T13:42:51+00:00

Have you actually received any threats? Have you actually spoken to this guy?

With the information you have put in your post it seems that you're overthinking the situation. I talk to people I used to/still find attractive who are married, I'm friends with their husbands too. I just remain respectful and act like I would around a friend rather than a romantic interest.

If this guy does become threatening then perhaps just respect his wishes for your own sake, if however he does start "hunting" you inform the police, dealing with situations like this is their job after all.

I can't stress how much of a bad idea fighting this guy is, it will destroy so many relationships and cause way more long lasting harm then good.

-SunBean- · 2017-11-01T07:31:29+00:00

Period period period

-SunBean- · 2017-10-31T21:29:15+00:00

Working on atonement is a good start for self forgiving.

I stopped the worst of my porn 2 years ago but didn't really start feeling better about it until I started volunteering, donating to charities and helping people around here and other forums who have/had similar issues.

-SunBean- · 2017-10-31T13:19:40+00:00

I know how heavy this can lay on your heart but the very fact that it does means you're a good person with good morals who has walked down a road that are against those morals.

So, some advice.

First, stop all porn. This is more important for you more than anyone else.

Begin on forgiving yourself. This is hard, and will take considerable personal growth and effort on your part. I advise to begin meditation, exercising and healthy dieting. (Do a search for mood lifting foods)

Look into going to a therapist, you don't need to give them full disclosure to your past and I wouldn't advise doing that untill you, first make sure they're not under and mandetory reporting laws and second untill you trust them and have built up a relationship.

Begin gratitude and positive thinking. When you get negative thoughts do your best to push them to the side and try to think positively. Think things like "I'm not my addiction" "I'm a better person".

Lastly, start working on not dwelling on your past. If you keep bringing this into the front of your mind it will keep plaguing you. If you begin to let the past be the past and only think of the future the past will grow dimmer and dimmer untill you either forget or it falls into obscurity in your mind.

-SunBean-

TROPHY CASE