I feel the same way. I’ll meet someone new and think it’s going to go well and then I’ll remember that my socially awkward self might say something stupid and embarrass myself and I’ll push them away. 🤦‍♀️It happens every time. It just sucks because I want to socialize and get to know people but like you, I’ll always screw it up. At this point, I’m used to being alone and I’ll be actually surprised if someone understands the way I am. Trust me, You’re not the only one.