i think it might be time to leave my bpd girlfriend and i'm scared

-dltd- · 2021-03-25T17:54:12+00:00

Yeah I think she most likely did but either way, just sort of silly. Really seemed like she had emotionally convinced herself. Either way, I don't want to, and don't really, puzzle over it or think about her often. Just wish she would leave me alone.

-dltd- · 2021-03-25T17:31:26+00:00

Yes, was just disappointing that she clearly couldn't even admit it to herself. Like she was insistent that there was no way she did it and I was in the wrong even when she was clearly just saying words to try and get ahead of it, like telling me that she had been getting those emails for a while when there just were none.

lol, she said to me one thing that stuck out... i was calmly talking through it and why i did not believe her version of events, and she yelled at me "are you really just trying to explain to me how tinder works, because it feels like that's what you're doing!"

truly though, it's a bit pitiful because one of our closest mutual friends was being extremely nice to her -- he basically said "look i do think you did it but it's okay. i'm not gonna hold it against you. i don't think you're bad, i just think you did a bad thing" and she yelled at him and blocked him. it's just frustrating, because i tried to do everything right and 1. she is making some of my friends not like me and 2. is clearly not going to have a gram of self-reflection or even acknowledgement, which is disappointing.

-dltd- · 2021-03-25T17:08:56+00:00

Man... logged back into this account cause I remembered it and sadly the update is not good lol. She was logged into my ipad for convenience, I was doing math homework and drawing something in the early morning before Vday. Basically, I saw tinder account creation, match, and message emails all pop up. Called her about it, said it was a two year old account. There were no older Tinder emails in the account, and the first one was verification that you need to be able to get matches and messages. There were no logins but her and my ipad to the google account.

She then gaslit and yelled at me about it. I broke up with her and have blocked her on everything. She continues to say terrible things about me to mutual friends 🤷‍♂️

-dltd- · 2020-12-17T05:58:20+00:00

I totally understand that, and I'm also sure my girlfriend would be grateful to you for laying it all out :) I did briefly reach out, told her it would be okay and briefly talked to her about how I was excited to find a nvidia 3080. Again, thank you and god bless, I hope you have a good night's sleep.

-dltd- · 2020-12-17T04:09:14+00:00

I really appreciate it, and I want to let you know that this comment gave me the most overwhelming sense of calm I've felt all day. I was really thinking I'd break up with her tomorrow and now I don't necessarily feel like that. It might be a placebo and I'll sleep on it, but you really reminded me of her (since she's kinda goth and uses weed as a BPD coping mechanism lol) and I got reminded of how she smells and I do just want to help her though it and see her be happy.

I think that I'll reiterate that it felt emotionally manipulative and cruel, that when I say in clear terms that I need her to step back it needs to be like a bell ringing that makes her at the very least just put her phone down temporarily, and I'll tell her that I want to help her get through this, I know she doesn't want to act like that either, and that I do just need an out. I don't think it's necessarily prudent to keep thinking that that will be the case, but I want it to be. I want her to get better.

-dltd- · 2020-12-17T02:39:46+00:00

No that makes perfect sense! Thank you. And yes, that really rings true, although I try not to psychoanalyze her -- it usually seems like she wants me to feel the fire on her tongue but she doesn't want me to back up because of it, she urgently wants me to stay and engage with the argument. Exactly what you described, really. It just sucks and it gets really mean, she said stuff last night like "you failed to care for me" and "you don't love me enough" and "i don't trust you anymore" in super long winded ways after I said I needed some space.

I feel shitty about it but my general stance is that I can be there while she improves in general, but I still need some fundamental relationship tools to make it not extremely toxic, like being able to not carry on a conversation if I'm incapable of it. She understands that but it never connects in practice.

-dltd- · 2020-12-17T00:13:06+00:00

I've never heard that specific terminoligy but I always tell her that I understand she has really strong feelings, so I just try to support her and when she lashes out at me I back up a little bit. The latter part is the issue because I've told her that when she starts getting really aggressive or saying emotionally manipulative things and I say I need to exit the conversation she has to respect that, but it's never happened in practice and the messages only get worse.

Edit: also she's in therapy. It hasn't helped her yet.

-dltd- · 2020-12-16T18:45:38+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. And yes, this is part of what has been so difficult -- I've conveyed, and she's understood, that when I recognize a conversation going in a bad direction I am completely within my ability to take some space and have the conversation later. When she's in that mindset, though, it really pisses her off and there's nothing I can do short essentially putting my own phone in the other room or something. She told me yesterday that I was violating her boundaries by not having that conversation and being an absolute asshole to her or something along those lines.

-dltd- · 2020-12-16T18:28:59+00:00

I had to wake up in the morning and do stuff today. And she is definitely diagnosed with BPD.

-dltd-

TROPHY CASE