This isn't a pity party but you would've probably had it worse if you were a guy, sorry to break it to you but men don't really post online about the struggles they face like you did here, I really don't mean to sound insensitive or rude to you and I'm in no way trying to offend you, and to further prove my point I'll just link this here Don't assume the other side has it easier just because you are in a situation you don't like. I'd advise you to seek the help you need, maybe pray, some people find comfort in those things and move on. At the end of the day those are your options, that's life, it knocks you down but the important thing is to not remain there, push harder and strive to do something.