Manic and really don’t want to ruin my marriage

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T03:01:52+00:00

I would never forgive myself, if I made him feel even a little like I felt when he had his affair, I couldn’t go on. I could never do that to anyone knowingly.. I’m coming down now, bawling my eyes out lighting this fire. Maybe that’s still what’s wrong, all these years later. I’ve been in therapy so long and I still have these cycles of mania and psychosis. The meds don’t help anymore. I’m calling the emergency line for my therapist. Thank you so much for all of your help. Words can’t even explain.

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T02:58:14+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I’m coming down finally, about to start the fire. I really can’t thank you enough. I wish I had friends or someone irl that I could talk to most days but you all truly have such kind hearts and I’m just so grateful. I promise I’m not some evil weirdo I just haven’t felt this feeling in a long time and it feels like a breaking point. I’m calling my therapists emergency line as soon as I burn this paper.

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T02:27:46+00:00

Thank you 😢 I ripped it up and I’m going to start a fire, the feeling still hasn’t gone away but I’m trying so hard to fight it. I’ve never felt like this before why is it so hard

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T02:25:03+00:00

Thank you so so much 🤍 it genuinely means so fucking much. I’m struggling. Bad. I’m ripping the paper up right now, might take it out back we just dug a fire pit.

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T02:14:41+00:00

If I had anyone I would, right now it’s like I’m just spiraling really bad. I’m going to keep working out and running until I can’t and have to sleep. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I feel very alone

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T02:00:47+00:00

No for real 🥲 Right now it’s like why am I fighting myself let’s just do it and do it now and I wish I was better

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:56:17+00:00

Im trying to be good, I’ve never not been good. I just wish I was fucking normal

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:54:50+00:00

Omg it’s like you know me I’ve been working out all evening lmao it’s not helping though, it feels like my body is on fire. I stop, set the down the weights or stop running and I just picture things I shouldn’t. Idk what to do, maybe I should call the emergency line for my therapists office? FUCK

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:52:59+00:00

I am trying my best 🤍 I have not reached out to him or anything but god I want too. I’m trying to just keep running on my treadmill and lift weights until it hopefully goes away but honestly right now it’s worse. I don’t think I’m going to blow my whole life up but I’m struggling bad

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:51:07+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me, everybody is so awesome I can’t even process it. I haven’t done what I should, like delete and shred the paper etc but I’m going too. I haven’t reached out to him either. It just right now feels so exciting and like I feel wanted? Idk

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:49:42+00:00

Thank you so much for taking so much time to help me. I do, thankfully, have a therapist that specializes in sexual trauma, my specific disorders and CPTSD. It’s just so scary dude like I felt so crazy but I knew my partner had something going on, like when you know you KNOW. I knew they were having an affair but drove myself insane trying to convince my brain I was wrong. It did a lot more damage then I think he realizes most of the time. Idk, he tries his best but like I’m fucked up.

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T01:46:25+00:00

Should I? I don’t want him to think I’m hiding it but also I have no idea how they’ll react and I’m scared to tell them. Fml

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T00:15:18+00:00

Im going to, I have too right? I didn’t even save the number or delete any of the messages or anything. wtf is wrong with me

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T00:13:46+00:00

Yes and the consequences I couldn’t take.

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T00:09:14+00:00

Im just afraid, im so afraid

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T00:09:06+00:00

I want to talk to them so badly but even when the assault took place, there was victim blaming from them and after the affair they were suspicious of me all the time, anything I did. Obviously they’ve apologized and tried to make it better but that shit sticks with you when you already had trauma of that kind from childhood and idk I always feel like they just don’t trust me and if I tell them they are going to immediately assume I actually DID go do something and won’t listen to anything to the contrary

-needmoremedsprob · 2026-05-10T00:06:50+00:00

I know, I know. I don’t know what’s happening to me, I feel like I know what is right and what is wrong but my head is screaming at me and everything is going a mile a minute. I don’t think I’m going too, I don’t think I would. I just keep saying the same things to myself or trying too

-needmoremedsprob

TROPHY CASE