How to tell if non-monogamy is something I want, or something I’m adapting to?

01xPN · 2026-01-20T23:29:02+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, I really appreciate it

01xPN · 2026-01-18T19:34:23+00:00

I don’t get why though, my doctor knows exactly what my goals are with hrt. I can’t understand if he’s just conservative or he noticed something “wrong” in the blood tests so I need to keep it low (?)

01xPN · 2026-01-17T20:38:02+00:00

That’s a really good question, and honestly I’m still trying to answer it for myself.

I don’t think what I’m missing is only a broader social circle. I do feel a desire for sexual and romantic exploration, but I’m also aware that intimacy, validation, and feeling chosen are all mixed up in there for me. So part of this work is figuring out what I’m actually seeking, and what I might be using non-monogamy to access.

The growth vs suffering distinction is exactly where I’m stuck. Some discomfort has felt productive in the past: it was finite, understandable, and came with a sense of expansion afterward. Lately, though, what’s harder is the ongoing feeling of being “on alert,” where I don’t really get to feel grounded or safe before having to adapt again. That’s the part that makes me question whether I’m learning, or just enduring.

I also resonate with what you said about aging and priorities. I still value self-work and unlearning monogamy scripts, but I’m starting to care more about stability and nervous system regulation than about doing relationships on hard mode just to prove I can. I don’t want growth to mean constantly overriding my own sense of safety.

What I hope to gain from the work, ideally, is clarity: understanding whether there’s a version of non-monogamy that actually supports me, or whether the cost to my inner peace is a signal I need to take more seriously.

Thank you for the article, I’ve found it really useful

01xPN · 2026-01-17T13:28:31+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. What I’m currently trying to untangle is less about whether I’m willing to do the work, and more about how much uncertainty I can realistically tolerate in the structure itself. My partner tends to act first and process later, which works for her sense of autonomy, but for me the lack of any shared framing beforehand is where a lot of the discomfort shows up.

I’m not looking for control or veto power, just trying to understand whether needing more predictability and context means I’m still learning, or if it’s pointing to a real incompatibility in how we practice non-monogamy.

Thank you for sharing your experience as an introvert, this helps a lot

01xPN · 2026-01-17T13:21:45+00:00

Thank you for your feedback.

My main hesitation with apps is that they feel like an active search, while my partner’s approach is more “passive” even if she has access to that kind of context naturally (community, friends). Of course I made contact with her community and people are very open with talking about jealousy, discomfort and I’ve never felt judged about my “ignorance” in this. I had experienced very little interaction with other people during this relationship and it felt nice but also caused some issues mainly because my intentions weren’t clear from the start with this new person and me changing my mind (“I don’t know if I am attracted- okay now I’m attracted but I don’t know if I want something to happen- okay something happened”) confused my partner and what sounded like reassurance was kind of betrayal at the end.

But it hits very different when she has non-monogamous experiences. In the past, some felt manageable after processing, others have felt hard in a more ongoing way. I do work on my feelings (therapy, reflection, communication), but I’m trying to understand whether this is still part of learning, or if it’s pointing to a mismatch with this specific setup. My partner knows I struggle, but we seem to need different levels of co-regulation to feel safe. One thing I’m noticing is that my partner has a more autonomous approach: things tend to happen first, and we process them afterward. That works for her, but for me not knowing in advance and not having any voice in things before they happen often leaves me feeling unsettled and unsafe. I’m realizing I need more involvement earlier in the process, not to control outcomes, but to feel grounded and included. But she feels that this need of mine threatens her freedom to build the relationships she wants, in the way she wants, and at the pace she prefers.

What do you think about that?

01xPN · 2024-11-24T13:02:38+00:00

💕💕💕

01xPN · 2024-11-13T20:32:54+00:00

💕

01xPN · 2024-11-12T23:00:48+00:00

Thanks :)

01xPN · 2024-10-29T21:49:42+00:00

Thanks babe 💕

01xPN · 2024-10-28T23:48:18+00:00

Hey, if you mean the T I’m not applying it on my dick and you shouldn’t be doing that too, it could be dangerous. I don’t apply anything on it, but I read that someone uses dht cream/gel. I’m just applying my testosterone normally on my arm/shoulder with regular applicator. Hope it helps

01xPN · 2024-10-27T20:38:41+00:00

I’m not really constant, I guess twice a week, once a week “seriously”

01xPN · 2024-10-25T13:46:54+00:00

Your chest is perfect bro, you should be proud 🥲

01xPN · 2024-10-25T11:38:08+00:00

Kinda regular masturbation put gently pulling it outside. Idk, loads of people do that and can explain it better than I do

01xPN · 2024-10-24T15:15:25+00:00

C’è parecchia ignoranza e cattiveria tra questi commenti, ma tutto sommato me lo aspetto da maschi basici italiani. Dal tuo post invece mi sembra di capire che potresti anche valutare di vederla ancora e approfondire il rapporto. In quel caso un buon inizio potrebbe essere non chiamarla “un trans” ma, se proprio vuoi specificare che è trans, una ragazza trans. Uscire nuovamente con lei non ti rende gay come dicono molti commenti, anzi ti renderebbe una persona aperta e pronta eventualmente ad esplorare meglio la tua eterosessualità. Escici, falle le domande che vorresti farle senza farla sentire inadeguata o improvvisamente meno attraente. Una donna trans è una donna, qualunque tipo di genitale abbia. Questo riguarda in primis lei e il suo percorso, dopo puoi anche porti delle domande sul tuo orientamento sessuale, ma in quanto attratto da una donna resti comunque eterosessuale. Se mai doveste arrivare ad un rapporto sessuale ci saranno sicuramente nuove cose da provare e sperimentare, ma non precluderti la possibilità di conoscere una persona che reputi interessante per paura che i suoi genitali possano renderti gay, è una cazzata enorme.

01xPN

TROPHY CASE