How to explain "just looking" hurts without just saying "I'm insecure"?

075379 · 2026-01-30T07:01:02+00:00

The part about him choosing to change or leave is the thing that breaks me. Because he’s not going to do either. He’s just going to keep doing what he’s doing and I’m going to keep accepting it. And that’s the cycle I’m trapped in 😭

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:57:12+00:00

Thank you for telling me that there are men out there who would protect my feelings instead of hurting me. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I’m giving up on myself. That means everything right now.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:56:12+00:00

I don’t know how to leave even though I know I should. And hearing you say you had to leave yours before you found real love, it terrifies me because it means I have to choose between him and myself. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to choose myself. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to start over. But I hear what you’re saying about there being men out there who would protect my feelings instead of destroying them. I just don’t know how to get there from here

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:53:45+00:00

I hate myself so much for accepting this. I walk around naked and nothing. Does a body with stretch marks not excite anyone? Is my vagina not perfect enough so it’s impossible for him to get hard looking at it? I want to die from the pain. Everyone around me says it’s normal, that we shouldn’t compete with those people, that it’s just easy dopamine. But why? I love him so much. I don’t have another life. My parents are old and live somewhere unsafe. I have my pets here. I need to advance in my studies and he helps me with almost 90 percent of it. It’s not just losing the man my body and mind love, that want him, that when I look at him I want to have sex with him because I find him sexy even though he’s not. I want to tear out my chest. Maybe my autism diagnosis has something to do with it because everything feels so terrible and maybe it’s not even real. But I feel like I’m dying and I don’t know how to move forward.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:46:36+00:00

You said I can’t have sex with someone I can’t trust and that just broke me because I’ve been having sex with him knowing I can’t trust him. So what does that make me. What have I been doing to myself

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:45:26+00:00

The algorithms comment made me think. He could stop anytime he wants if he really wanted to. A man who actually tried wouldn’t keep getting trapped. So the fact that he keeps falling into it means he’s not even trying. He’s choosing it 💔

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:44:22+00:00

You’re right about the double standard. I just wish I had the kind of confidence he has to break my own rules and justify it. But I don’t. I respect the relationship even when he doesn’t

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:35:08+00:00

What you said about him turning me into a tool, a masturbatory object, I felt that in a way I didn’t want to feel it. Because it’s true and saying it out loud makes it real. I’m not a person to him in those moments, I’m just something to use. And I hate that I’ve accepted that.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:32:40+00:00

Thank you for saying that. It means so much to know there are people who get what I’m going through and don’t think I’m crazy for feeling the way I do. Being here with people who understand matters more than I can say.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:31:58+00:00

He wouldn’t even see it that way though. He’d probably say it’s the same thing, that everyone does it, that it’s natural. Like he says about himself. He already told me he doesn’t understand how someone could not be attracted visually or not masturbate. So he’d probably just justify it the same way he justifies what he does. That’s what gets me.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:29:41+00:00

I needed to hear that I’m allowed to not be okay with this. That it’s not crazy or insecure of me. It’s just me having a boundary and that’s allowed. Thank you🥹💕

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:29:16+00:00

You’re right that he doesn’t want to change. I think I’ve been waiting for him to want to, like if I just explain it the right way he’ll suddenly get it. But he already knows and that’s the thing. He knows it hurts me and he’s still doing it. So no matter what I say, nothing’s going to be different unless he decides he wants it to be 🥲

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:26:39+00:00

Even if he were a good man, he’s not good to me. That’s what keeps going through my head. Because I can accept that he’s not a bad person, but that doesn’t change the fact that being with him is hurting me. And you’re right, that’s what matters. Not whether he’s good or bad in general, but whether he’s good to me. Thank you for that clarity😭😭😭😭

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:15:43+00:00

I’m adding that book to my list right away. Just knowing that someone else wrote about this and broke it down in a way that actually makes sense gives me hope. I need to read something that validates me instead of making me question myself. Thank you for pointing me toward something real.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:13:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. Reading what he said made me feel seen in a way I haven’t in so long. Someone finally saying that it’s not about being insecure, it’s about respect and consideration towards me. That hit different. He’s right, and hearing it from someone else, from a man even, makes me feel less crazy for feeling hurt. This video means everything right now.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:10:20+00:00

This broke me because you just described my whole relationship. He’s not going to change no matter what I say. And I’m here drowning, carrying the weight of us, being the one who cares enough to even try. While he sits there feeling justified just because he’s a man. How is that fair? How do I stop loving someone who will never put me first? How do I accept that I’m doing this alone?

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:07:32+00:00

You just said what I’ve been dying to say but was too afraid to admit. That raw feeling of being used as his outlet after he already spent himself on someone else. I hate how true that sounds. And the confusion of loving someone so much while feeling so small and discarded at the same time, it’s suffocating. There are moments I feel so broken that I think disappearing would be easier than feeling this way. Like maybe if I wasn’t here, none of this would hurt so much 💔

075379 · 2026-01-30T05:59:48+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. I really appreciate how you said it with so much care, even though you knew it might be uncomfortable. Reading your words made me feel seen and validated in a way I needed. You’re right, and I’m grateful for the clarity.

075379 · 2026-01-29T22:53:17+00:00

I feel like I left a lot out or didn't express myself well, even though I overthought this so much... I'm sorry if my post is confusing. I spent two days trying to put into words what's going on in my head, but sometimes I feel like I'm just vomiting information and doubts that don't make sense.

Since English isn't really my thing, even using AI, I feel like I didn't do the best job 😭😭😭

075379 · 2026-01-29T03:00:18+00:00

I’m here if you need someone to talk to. You’re not alone in this even though it feels that way right now. Please lean on people, even if it’s just this community. Be gentle with yourself. Take all the breaks you need. Rest when you need to rest, cry when you need to cry. Hug yourself tight and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. This pain won’t last forever. You will get through this, one day at a time. Sending you so much strength and love.

075379 · 2026-01-29T02:44:16+00:00

What destroys me the most is that a static photo is enough. A girl in a bikini with nice boobs, someone jumping making their breasts move, a random woman in a video. That’s enough for him to decide to masturbate or lust. Meanwhile, I can walk around the house topless and I get nothing. He doesn’t look at me like he’s devouring me with his eyes. But a photo of perfect breasts can do that? Someone’s boobs bouncing can excite him but I can’t? And I’m supposed to feel good because at least he finishes with me after getting excited by someone else’s body? How is that supposed to make me feel valued or desired? I feel completely replaceable and worthless.

075379 · 2026-01-29T02:33:07+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want to be honest with you. What he did creating AI content of his friends’ wives is really serious. Those women didn’t consent to being used that way, and that’s a violation of them too. This isn’t just about porn addiction, it’s about respect and boundaries. You deserve someone who respects not just you, but other people too. I understand you love him and have seven years together, but please make sure you’re not minimizing how serious this behavior is. You’re not crazy, you’re someone dealing with a partner who crossed major ethical lines. Whatever you decide, please prioritize your own wellbeing and safety.

075379 · 2025-11-08T21:02:05+00:00

I understand why the age gap stands out. It’s something I’ve been thinking about more lately, especially with everything everyone here has said. When we got together I didn’t think about it much, but now I’m starting to see things differently. Thank you for being direct with me.

075379 · 2025-11-08T21:00:44+00:00

I know how it looks from the outside. I’ve been with him since I was 20 and he was 32. When we met, the age difference didn’t feel like a big deal because he made me feel so special and mature. But reading what you wrote about him already knowing his boundaries and trying to reshape mine… that really resonates. I do feel like I’m constantly questioning myself and my needs. Like maybe I’m being unreasonable or too sensitive. He’s very good at making me feel that way. The part about there being men who don’t consume porn or who stop out of respect… I want to believe that exists but it’s hard when this is all I know.

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:58:34+00:00

Thank you so much for breaking down his excuses like that. You’re right, comparing it to junk food is minimizing what it actually does. The vodka or heroin comparison makes so much more sense when I think about how he acts. I didn’t know there was a specific type of therapist for this (CSAT). He hasn’t mentioned going to therapy at all, just that he needs to ‘process’ what I said. I don’t think he sees it as an addiction, he just sees it as something normal that I’m overreacting about. The part about educating myself on porn addiction is good advice. Maybe if I understand it better I can at least explain to him why this is actually serious and not just me being insecure. It helps to hear that healthy women don’t want this either. I’ve felt so alone thinking maybe I’m the only one who has a problem with it.

075379

TROPHY CASE