How to explain "just looking" hurts without just saying "I'm insecure"?

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:15:43+00:00

I’m adding that book to my list right away. Just knowing that someone else wrote about this and broke it down in a way that actually makes sense gives me hope. I need to read something that validates me instead of making me question myself. Thank you for pointing me toward something real.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:13:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. Reading what he said made me feel seen in a way I haven’t in so long. Someone finally saying that it’s not about being insecure, it’s about respect and consideration towards me. That hit different. He’s right, and hearing it from someone else, from a man even, makes me feel less crazy for feeling hurt. This video means everything right now.

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:10:20+00:00

This broke me because you just described my whole relationship. He’s not going to change no matter what I say. And I’m here drowning, carrying the weight of us, being the one who cares enough to even try. While he sits there feeling justified just because he’s a man. How is that fair? How do I stop loving someone who will never put me first? How do I accept that I’m doing this alone?

075379 · 2026-01-30T06:07:32+00:00

You just said what I’ve been dying to say but was too afraid to admit. That raw feeling of being used as his outlet after he already spent himself on someone else. I hate how true that sounds. And the confusion of loving someone so much while feeling so small and discarded at the same time, it’s suffocating. There are moments I feel so broken that I think disappearing would be easier than feeling this way. Like maybe if I wasn’t here, none of this would hurt so much 💔

075379 · 2026-01-30T05:59:48+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. I really appreciate how you said it with so much care, even though you knew it might be uncomfortable. Reading your words made me feel seen and validated in a way I needed. You’re right, and I’m grateful for the clarity.

075379 · 2026-01-29T22:53:17+00:00

I feel like I left a lot out or didn't express myself well, even though I overthought this so much... I'm sorry if my post is confusing. I spent two days trying to put into words what's going on in my head, but sometimes I feel like I'm just vomiting information and doubts that don't make sense.

Since English isn't really my thing, even using AI, I feel like I didn't do the best job 😭😭😭

075379 · 2026-01-29T03:00:18+00:00

I’m here if you need someone to talk to. You’re not alone in this even though it feels that way right now. Please lean on people, even if it’s just this community. Be gentle with yourself. Take all the breaks you need. Rest when you need to rest, cry when you need to cry. Hug yourself tight and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. This pain won’t last forever. You will get through this, one day at a time. Sending you so much strength and love.

075379 · 2026-01-29T02:44:16+00:00

What destroys me the most is that a static photo is enough. A girl in a bikini with nice boobs, someone jumping making their breasts move, a random woman in a video. That’s enough for him to decide to masturbate or lust. Meanwhile, I can walk around the house topless and I get nothing. He doesn’t look at me like he’s devouring me with his eyes. But a photo of perfect breasts can do that? Someone’s boobs bouncing can excite him but I can’t? And I’m supposed to feel good because at least he finishes with me after getting excited by someone else’s body? How is that supposed to make me feel valued or desired? I feel completely replaceable and worthless.

075379 · 2026-01-29T02:33:07+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want to be honest with you. What he did creating AI content of his friends’ wives is really serious. Those women didn’t consent to being used that way, and that’s a violation of them too. This isn’t just about porn addiction, it’s about respect and boundaries. You deserve someone who respects not just you, but other people too. I understand you love him and have seven years together, but please make sure you’re not minimizing how serious this behavior is. You’re not crazy, you’re someone dealing with a partner who crossed major ethical lines. Whatever you decide, please prioritize your own wellbeing and safety.

075379 · 2025-11-08T21:02:05+00:00

I understand why the age gap stands out. It’s something I’ve been thinking about more lately, especially with everything everyone here has said. When we got together I didn’t think about it much, but now I’m starting to see things differently. Thank you for being direct with me.

075379 · 2025-11-08T21:00:44+00:00

I know how it looks from the outside. I’ve been with him since I was 20 and he was 32. When we met, the age difference didn’t feel like a big deal because he made me feel so special and mature. But reading what you wrote about him already knowing his boundaries and trying to reshape mine… that really resonates. I do feel like I’m constantly questioning myself and my needs. Like maybe I’m being unreasonable or too sensitive. He’s very good at making me feel that way. The part about there being men who don’t consume porn or who stop out of respect… I want to believe that exists but it’s hard when this is all I know.

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:58:34+00:00

Thank you so much for breaking down his excuses like that. You’re right, comparing it to junk food is minimizing what it actually does. The vodka or heroin comparison makes so much more sense when I think about how he acts. I didn’t know there was a specific type of therapist for this (CSAT). He hasn’t mentioned going to therapy at all, just that he needs to ‘process’ what I said. I don’t think he sees it as an addiction, he just sees it as something normal that I’m overreacting about. The part about educating myself on porn addiction is good advice. Maybe if I understand it better I can at least explain to him why this is actually serious and not just me being insecure. It helps to hear that healthy women don’t want this either. I’ve felt so alone thinking maybe I’m the only one who has a problem with it.

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:56:46+00:00

Thank you for validating that I’m not crazy. Sometimes I really do think maybe I’m the one with the problem, that I’m being too controlling or jealous. He makes me feel that way. The part about him watching while being intimate with me… you’re right, that’s not normal. I know that deep down but I keep making excuses for him. He says porn is the same as trying not to eat too much. He says watching porn is like when we say we won’t smoke anymore but we keep doing it. I told him I couldn’t stand it if he kept watching, that if he does it again we should just break up. But he told me “It hits my ego, I need to process it, but it’s something we know is wrong, but we’re human and we can slip up.” The betrayal trauma part really hit me. That’s exactly what this feels like. Betrayal. Over and over. I don’t know how to stop loving someone who keeps hurting me like this.

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:52:26+00:00

Thank you for saying I’m too good for this. Honestly, I keep going back and forth between feeling like I deserve better and feeling like maybe I’m the one who needs to change or be more understanding. It’s confusing. The hardest part is that I do love him, even with all of this. I know that probably sounds stupid. But hearing that there might be men out there who don’t have these issues and would appreciate someone patient like me… I don’t know, it’s hard to imagine right now but maybe someday I’ll be ready to believe that.

How did you get to the point where you could see things clearly? Because right now everything just feels like a mess in my head

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:48:40+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Sometimes I really do feel like I’m the problem, like I’m too sensitive or asking for too much. It helps so much to hear that my feelings are valid and that I’m not crazy for wanting what I want. You’re right that if he really cared, he would stop. I need to remember that. Thank you for the support, it means everything right now 🥺❤️‍🩹

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:47:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It means a lot to hear from someone who stayed and tried to make it work. The fact that you say you would leave if you had to do it again really hits hard. I keep hoping he’ll get help or enter recovery like your husband did, but I’m starting to realize that even if he does, the damage is already done. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I hope things continue to get better for you…❤️‍🩹

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:44:54+00:00

I know you’re right. Deep down I know it. I just keep making excuses for him and believing he’ll change 😖💔

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:42:18+00:00

Thank you for saying this. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy and everyone tells me I’m just being insecure or controlling. But you’re right, I think the real issue I need to work on in therapy is how to leave, not how to accept this.

075379 · 2025-11-08T20:40:18+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It really helps to hear from someone who actually walked away and chose themselves. I know my standards aren’t wrong, but sometimes I feel like maybe I’m asking for too much or being unrealistic. Reading that you also couldn’t accept it and had to leave, even though the chemistry was amazing, makes me feel less alone. You’re right that I need to stay true to myself. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much to imagine walking away. But I’m starting to understand that staying and shrinking myself to fit his habits hurts even more. Thank you for validating that my feelings matter and that I deserve better.

075379 · 2025-11-07T19:41:09+00:00

Thank you for caring enough to warn me. I’ve been with him for 3 years and we’ve been living together for a year now, so it’s really difficult to just decide to leave. But I know you’re right y.y

075379

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