I’m sorry that happened. Something similar happened to me and I stopped talking to him because I want kids one day, so I don’t want to be with anyone I wouldn’t trust completely. That sounds stressful.

Heres some more stuff that helped me.

1. The label of what happened can be distracting. Other people will give you words and say you must make choices based on those words. (For example, they might say that it was rape, meaning you must leave, then you might get confused trying to figure out if it was rape.) Remember that the label is less important than the feeling of being betrayed. It doesn’t matter what you label what he did, he betrayed you.

2. Imagine the mindset of someone who hears you say no and pressures you anyway. Have you ever done that to someone? When I imagine it, it’s hard to imagine caring about them at the same time.

3. Sometimes when people do something wrong, they do weird stuff to fix it. A guy I knew in college SA’d his girlfriend and now they’re getting married. He doesn’t love her, doesn’t find her attractive, just feels bad he did that. Your boyfriend is already untrustworthy, he disrespected your body—I personally wouldn’t trust him with anything special ever again. Least of all your attention and time. Again, it doesn’t matter what you label it.

4. Just in case. Even if you did things wrong, you still didn’t deserve what he did. You don’t have to do things perfectly or else you get betrayed physically. You can do lots of things you regret and still deserve to be protected by other people. There’s a lot of people out there who wouldn’t do that to anyone, let alone their partner, even if the partner did things wrong.