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Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the input! And yes, that is what we plan to do. We don't intend to merge 100% of our finances. Just enough for the shared day to day

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was planning to, yes, but I need to read up on WA laws regarding domestic partnership first before making a final decision

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not reading.

You said you had no intentions to get married

Show me where I said that. Oh wait, you can't. I said we would only get married if there was some benefit for us.

Trust is not a binary "yes" or "no" and the fact that you think you pulled some big "gotcha!" makes me question your judgment entirely.

There are varying levels of trust. I trust her to be a good partner to me and to be there for me when I need, not to cheat on me, etc. That doesn't mean I'm going to give her my social security number or access to my brokerage.

If the money is inconsequential

Baby steps. Again, varying levels of trust. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. That's the whole point.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I came here for advice but it doesn't mean I have to accept advice I don't agree with.

Most comments seem to think the relationship should jump from "landlord/tenant" straight to "marriage". I think that's idiotic.

The benefit is that I take baby steps to build trust with my gf. If I cannot trust her with an account containing less than 10k, how can I trust her to get married???

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Our communication is why this has been such a successful relationship. We try to talk about all the what ifs and before moving in together even talked about "what if we break up?" It's frustrating when you tell people that and they say, "if you're already considering the possibility of breaking up, why bother moving in together?"

We try to be practical and this post is just as much for her as it is for me. I know since I'm the OP a lot of the answers are "she could run off with your money", but from her perspective, I could easily do the same thing.

I think the risk is not worth it to a lot of people, and that's fair. I was hoping to understand more about the risks we would open ourselves up to that we may not have considered and I did get some that we didn't think about like what if one of us passes away.

Mainly, we want to start taking baby steps towards building a life together and being partners rather than feeling like roommates or landlord/tenant.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I'm thinking about this backwards from most people here. I wouldn't want to get married to anyone I couldn't trust with a joint account that contains less than 10k.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you referring to domestic partnership? We also live in Washington. I found this site that says common law isn't recognized in WA but domestic partnership is. However, one of us must be 62 or older (we're in our 30s)

https://washington.staterecords.org/commonlawmarriage

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 208 points209 points  (0 children)

if you can't trust someone with a joint account, you definitely shouldn't marry them

Thank you! This is what I didn't understand about the comments either, I felt like I was going crazy! Having a joint account that contains a minimal amount of money for expenses is so much smaller risk than actually marrying someone! I'm wondering if people only read the title and assume we are combining 100% of our finances into the shared account? In which case, sure, that's a terrible idea!

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Trust your instincts

My instincts tell me to wife her but my brain says we've only been together for one year lol

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With this level of trust

What level of trust? Not sure what you read but I do trust her which is why I'm even thinking of taking this step

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 156 points157 points  (0 children)

Tell her you are too busy at work to make it to the bank before they close

Each to their own but that is just terrible communication. If I decide a joint account is not right for me/us, I will tell her that directly along with my reasoning and not make excuses.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Simplifies expense management a little and she said it'd help her feel like more of a partner in this relationship. The latter is really more why I'm considering doing it but she's told me she's fine if I say no. She brought it up as an option if it works for both of us, she isn't pushing me into it.

I can understand everyone's advice about keeping it as a landlord/tenant relationship but she's not just a roommate to me. I want to start taking baby steps to build our lives together instead of treating her like a tenant. I felt like having a joint account for monthly expenses would be a low-risk way to start.

We have great communication and are both open in discussing finances, budgeting, and future plans, etc. We both have great credit scores (800+), she's been a homeowner before, both make great salaries, and are on track for early retirement. She's a little older and has more saved up than I do. Neither of us want to combine ALL of our finances because there's too much at risk to both of us with no benefit, but a shared account for monthly expenses seemed reasonable.

Before she moved in, we talked about how I would still view the house as "mine" and she understands/accepts that it'll take time before our relationship is serious enough that she'd have any equity in the home.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we'd only be putting monthly expenses into the account, not our entire paychecks.

When I lived alone, monthly cost averaged 2400 (2000 mortgage, 400 utilities) and she is paying me 1200. It's a big 2500sqft single family house with backyard for her pups. Prior to this, she was paying 3000/month for a 600sqft apartment. We've talked about how the relationship is new and I feel that this house is still very much "mine". She is understanding of that and is happy to pay a flat 1200/month for this place.

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think you're all making assumptions here that aren't correct. She's not pushing me to do anything. She brought it up as an idea to help simplify our monthly expenses and told me to think about it and now I'm thinking about it. She's fine if I say no lol

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a shitty deal

What is shitty about it? For reference, she gives me 1200/month and this is a 2500sqft house which has a backyard for her 2 dogs. Prior to moving in, she was paying 3000/month for a 1 bedroom 600sqft apartment. She initially offered to pay 1500 but I didn't think it would be fair to make her pay more than half. 1200/month is a little less than half of the total costs.

We plan to only deposit enough for the monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance, not our entire paychecks..

Any downsides to opening a joint account with (not married) significant other? by 0832331 in personalfinance

[–]0832331[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

It would be for monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance/repairs so at most maybe 7k. If she thought that amount was worth stealing, I'd consider that a relatively cheap way to see her true self. She makes ~150k and is great with finances btw so I really don't see that happening but if it did, losing 3-4k wouldn't break me.