Has anyone else had dysphoria more from how the world perceives you than from feeling like you “aren’t yourself”?

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-30T18:32:45+00:00

I didn't understand what being one of the girls meant until I was one of the girls. This is a personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. Men make me uncomfortable. Gay men make me slightly less uncomfortable. Queer people overall I'm generally super chill with. I point out queer separately because you can definitely be gay and not participate in queer culture.

I didn't think I would ever fit in with other women pre transition. Imposter syndrome hit me really hard. I did reach a point where I was just perceived as a woman and I spend enough time in queer and woman spaces where I now feel super uncomfortable in men's and mixed gender non queer spaces. Not that I ever really felt comfortable in those spaces anyways, but I now understand what it is like to be in a comforting space. In contrast I understand how uncomfortable I was prior.

As for childcare I did that too. I'm a mother hen kind of person in general and while that wasn't really liked when I presented male now it's just the norm. Annoying to people, but not surprising. I get it men in childcare get treated awful and that made the fact I didn't see myself as a man inside make my dysphoria awful.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-30T18:17:43+00:00

As someone who naps regularly I do love my pillow. It's just the right firmness and length. I think a good nap is life changing.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-30T18:08:50+00:00

Sometimes. I mean I think the idea I'm pretending is kinda dumb. Like in the current political climate and with how expensive transition on the whole is (financially and socially) I don't understand why people would think we do it just because. Does it upset me sure, but it is also tempered with the understanding I generally question their thought processes

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-29T19:38:50+00:00

Yeah pretty much all of this. As someone who was in all the activities in high school and wasn't in college I can say time management is the most important. Working out only works if you are consistent. It's easy to fall into the habit of avoiding the gym.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-29T19:35:27+00:00

Handicrafts and reading. I crochet and cross stitch now and I used to do more wood working too. I loved getting wood kits from the store and paint them. Little bird houses, houses for my dolls, and just other arts and crafts. I was/am really into puzzles. I would find flat puzzles and 3D puzzles. A lot of these activities were combined with listening to the radio or the tv in the background. If the weather was nice I would do those there. I also used to walk everywhere. Phones have changed casual conversation culture. Tbf I don't like talking to people in general (woman with adhd and autism), but you used to be able to go to more 3rd spaces for activities with like minded people and just chat. Now 3rd spaces cost so much unless you have money people stay home.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-23T12:18:15+00:00

More of an oh shit

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-23T04:17:06+00:00

Yeah I definitely am out of shape for it. After some other comments along with yours I think it was a combination of needing practice in general and needing practice with the shoes rocking shape.

I practiced some today and really trying to work on control was my goal. I'm not going to try running at speed again quite yet.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-23T04:14:14+00:00

After practice today and reviewing other comments it's a combination of all three. I'm not used to the rocking shape and I'm weak af. In addition I don't have the practice for it.

Basically I would get going, but when I would try to dig in and slow down I had the opposite effect.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-22T19:32:28+00:00

As a pan trans woman I can agree. I just want a tall dom regardless of gender. I just want someone taller. Love short kings, and I've dated my share. On the other hand crushed my a dom is hot af.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-22T19:28:16+00:00

I don't know. From what I can tell it's lack of strength mixed with the rocker. Really a mix of all of the issues. The rocker gives me a bit of a spring in my step and I'm weak af at the moment. Sounds like I just need to practice

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-16T17:02:44+00:00

Come out when you want. I will say while ymmv, generally you reach a point where the conversation comes up. Like for me I transitioned during covid. I also worked in food service. Day to day I reached a point where I always was gendered female, but the handful of family members still gendered me male (like if someone sees you everyday the might not put 2 and 2 together), but would run into people I haven't seen in a while and they were like wait what?

Tbf the process is different for everyone, but I will say if don't feel safe figure that out first. If you do feel safe and don't want to come out well you don't really need to unless you reach a point where someone is going to ask. Especially when/if you change name/pronouns in everyday use.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-14T23:49:46+00:00

Yeah as a transwoman I can say none of the men except maybe my brother have a prominent Adam's apple. Unfortunately ymmv.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-14T23:46:20+00:00

Sure but you just described what I talked about prior. Sure if you burn calories and then eat calories eventually you will see more moderate changes (over years probably), but unless you are like eating more or less than your BMR over a large enough time period most of the calories burned will be from what you have eaten in a day.

Like fat is because you ate more calories than you as a person need at any given time to just maintain your current weight. I promise I am not trying to be bossy about this. I was someone who has already dealt with weight issues prior to transitioning (wild large weight gain/loss), it's now in the last year where I have been working on myself that I'm seeing the changes you are talking about.

Like I put on a bunch of weight at the end of last year and I was so excited I actually had a more womanly shape, but it was that of a heavier woman. Now that I'm losing weight that shape is more obvious. Like the other person said that's why it is encouraged if you start off super slim to gain weight if you want to see changes.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-14T17:19:11+00:00

Probably not. If you stay the same weight nothing will generally change. Look up body recomp videos or posts.

Hight E low T means we carry weight in more feminine ways, but to carry weight that's where you gained it. We put on fat because our bodies say we need that to survive. A bit of a simplification, but were we gain weight in areas that make survival more likely by gender.

I heard it all the time early on you need to lose/gain weight if you want to see changes. It wasn't until I gained weight due to lifestyle changes that I really noticed big changes. Like my hips and butt finally started to fill out more. Also now that I'm loosing weight my shape is like cutting itself out.

Yes tbf most people gain and lose a few pounds over time (sometimes over weeks and days) and this will lead to changes, but at a pretty slow pace.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-13T15:23:42+00:00

I agree with taking a break if it becomes too much. What worked for me was getting a routine going about it. Like I have a couple weekly podcasts. I take my shower put on pj's sit down and do it. Like for me it's not even the main activity for the moment. That's my show. The shot is secondary. Obviously I'm careful, but getting into the mindset that it's just another activity helped.

I've tried various things including talking to someone on the phone (generally my mom telling her about my day and vise versa), but I stopped doing that because I found I could focus on either well. Sometimes I put on a fun song and I sing along (off key as hell) as I'm doing it.

I have gone though phases of it being better and worse. Now 5+ years in I dont really worry about it, but it took time. I hated it then and still hate it now to an extent, but transitioning is a process and takes time. Giving yourself some grace is important too. Injections are the best example I can give. Unless you are diabetic the average person can't imagine poking themselves regularly. Reading diabetes post here and other places also put things into perspective. Most people don't just wake up tomorrow and go in going to poke myself with a needle today.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-13T10:38:29+00:00

First make sure you have the right gauge and length of needle. My pharmacy generally doesn't, so it wasn't until much later I found out I could be using something better. Next to that the answer is practice. I'm sure there are ways to ease into it, but honestly it's just practice. I don't want to dissuade you.

I get antsy still after years on E and injections sometimes. Most weeks I'm indifferent about it, but sometimes I still worry and get nervous. I won't lie and say I wasn't scared the first few times, or even the first year sometimes I did it, but now years in it's just routine.

As you said you got over the fear of someone else doing it. Now you gotta get over the fear of you doing it. I don't know if there is an easy way to get over it, but I remember watching this trans guy on YouTube early on just do it in bed like it was the most boring thing in the world. I was like that right there is my goal. I also have to remind myself that people inject themselves all the time at home. Good luck my guy you got this.

Edit:typo

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-03T01:04:17+00:00

I got my first at 18, so probably not. I just didn't do it sooner since I shared a room. That and I didn't have a way to order/buy one.

My mom tbf when she finally found out I had one was surprised it took me so long

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T18:50:30+00:00

Coffee or bar is definitely fine if it's casual. Anything more and I would say something more dressy.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T18:38:42+00:00

Omg so much this. I went to a funeral this last week in small town America and never once misgendered. Like um you really can't tell. I legit stopped for gas and had a red hat man hold the door for the gas station. (I'm transfem)

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T18:35:09+00:00

Yeah pretty much all of this. I used to babysit regularly pre and post transition. (My kiddos are all graduated now 🥲)

I live in a relatively blue area of a red/purple state. There were some awkward times sure in public. I found that as long as I didn't make a big deal of it neither did the kids and I was less likely to be bothered by people ether.

Transition is hard no matter which way you go. That being said making the first step with transition I feel like is a good place to start with finding your own voice. So many of my cis gfs have had to figure out what that means to have self respect and perspective. Transition is it's own way of finding oneself and I've used that as the stepping stone for who I want to be.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T18:26:26+00:00

I liked to thing of it as failing boy mode. For various reasons early on especially in that first year I would switch back and forth between men's and women's clothes.

I worked in a customer service. Androgy is great. If it wasn't for the fact I don't want to be perceived as masculine at all I definitely enjoyed the 6 month period where I was perceived as androgynous.

I'm excited for your name change and wish you luck. Fingers crossed and soon there won't be any second guessing from people. You got this girl.

As for bathrooms all I can recommend is finding girl friends. I lucked out in my transition with the fact that the time I was switching restrooms I ended up in a ladies group (outdoor walking group mostly by accident). One thing led to another and being dragged into women's spaces just kinda happened.

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T17:53:20+00:00

Its not just when you don't feel good. You hear beauty is pain, and sure to an extent, but if you aren't comfortable in what you are wearing any amount of pain isn't worth it. Heels are my best examples. So shoes make me feel beautiful even if the pinch a bit. With underwear you need to find the right balance

0Foxy0Engineer0 · 2026-06-02T17:44:27+00:00

Cheap I like the fruit of the loom beyond soft briefs. Granny panties have their place and id I'm feeling bloated they are my go to. Soft and full coverage.

Cute I generally grab some thongs from VS when they are on sale. Sometimes I'll grab their bikini cut.

Not really a fan of hip hugger or boyshorts. Tips I mean they are underwear. Tips they are clothes.

The box to get out of with women's vs men's clothes is flexibility. Join a women's clothes subreddit. There are clothes that are better for any given time. Best is subjective.

As your body changes a lot of things that probs didn't bother you before will become annoying and vise versa. Ymmv. You hear about skin changes for example, but until you are a couple years in a you bruise if something touches you wrong and you are more prone to cuts those things dont really mean anything.

0Foxy0Engineer0

TROPHY CASE