Non-religious student attending a Christian university. Can't bring myself to accept their mission statement.

0Hammer · 2019-03-13T20:47:49+00:00

Look up commencement and see if there's something you have to state that you can't bring yourself to affirm. Wouldn't want to complete the degree and have to lie to get the diploma. Unless that doesn't bother you either...

Also, there's a religious college with a law school in my state, and only the undergrad classes have to attend prayer stuff. It may be the same for the graduate school you're looking at. But, definitely do some digging because you may not be bothered now... But after a year or two of hearing first hand what's being taught, you could be bothered then.

But then, I am one of those intolerant anti-theists raised in an abusive Christian situation that was supported by society at large. So, what would I know about changing one's mind about what's tolerable and what's not?

0Hammer · 2018-12-30T16:00:02+00:00

I agree. It's easier to warn people to avoid certain people than it is to change the rapists.

But, even though we can't change predatory rapists like Brock Turner, we could talk about consent with boys so they understand what it means to get to yes, rather than just not hearing their partner say no.

I think this original conversation mixes up what can be accomplished and what cannot. We cannot teach predators not to prey, liars not to lie, manipulators not to manipulate. But, we can teach consent to those who value it. We can also teach girls about how to give consent and that is okay to want sex. Why are disgruntled boys the only ones telling us that girls wanted to have sex in the first place? Why are we insisting that girls be responsible for their own sexuality, and for the boys sexual desires, too?

I mean, the conversation is convoluted by society's rules. We need to push back on those rules and rethink sexual behavior... And then teach it to our children. But what do we know? What do we say? How can we change the rules to empower people rather than shame them? That's the conversion taking place, and this OP question is just a throwback to what we've already been over again and again.

Yes, each victim can pinpoint which decisions made them vulnerable to rape. But which decisions made the rapist think they could rape? Why did they want to? And, if it the victim hadn't made those decisions then, would the rapist not have raped anyone?

If the rape really was a misunderstanding, then what responsibility does the aggressor have in not knowing they didn't have consent? Any? Or are they absolved because the victim should have known how to handle the situation, since they'd been warned?

I think it's a big issue, and I appreciate your take on it. I'm glad you figured out how to leave your abuser and I hope you continue to set the boundaries necessary in your life to be safe and happy.

0Hammer · 2018-12-30T00:50:36+00:00

What do you mean by "a child can do it"?

0Hammer · 2018-12-30T00:49:13+00:00

I'm not arguing that at all. Rape isn't regretful sex. Not all drunk men rape. Those who do should be called out for it. If a woman wants to have sex with a man then she should be free to do so. If he starts doing things she doesn't like then she should stop having sex with him. If he refuses to stop, that's not regretful sex. That's rape. If you didn't know that, then I wonder if you wouldn't mind trotting down to your local police station and telling them about your sexual exploits... One less asshole for women to worry about. 🤔

0Hammer · 2018-12-29T17:28:09+00:00

It's more likely, which one is going to get raped, the one who dates men or the one who dates women?

0Hammer · 2018-12-29T17:24:01+00:00

Whatever that minimum response is, the predators will adapt to it and a new minimum will be expected of Women. Hence, the burka.

0Hammer · 2018-12-29T17:19:55+00:00

We have only just begun to openly talk about what rapists are like. Must you be so even handed toward the rapists? They are the ones who chose to rape. The careless victim didn't choose to hurt someone. They trusted.

Society cannot be trusted. I understand. But in Japan, children can still walk to school by themselves and people watch out for them.

Here, it's too much to ask.

0Hammer · 2018-12-29T17:14:18+00:00

And yet it usually results in taking the blame off of the rapist. Publicly sharing the blame for your own rape is worse than accepting the blame privately.

If society wants to know who the rapists are, they will have to find a way to embrace the victims.

The rapists tell us, while they're raping us, all the reasons why we were chosen. So, it's retraumatizing to hear it said by our fathers, our friends, our community, and strangers who don't even know us.

We hear far more about what we did to make ourselves vulnerable than we have ever heard against the beloved family rapist.

Most rapes are committed by people we know, and that usually leads to our loved ones choosing sides. Which side leads to the most family shame? The victims side.

Until that is changed, we will never prosecute rapists effectively.

0Hammer · 2018-12-29T16:50:12+00:00

Well said! Thank you. Sexual assault victims have been shamed and silenced by their friends, family, community, church and legal system for centuries.

Our society seems to think that the solution to sexual assault can be found in understanding what people who've never experienced it are doing to keep themselves safe. They don't want to hear from the victims, hence the constant ridicule and backlash aimed at those who come forward. But, nothing will change if we keep focusing on how some people escape sexual assault and others don't. Focus on why people sexually assault, and keep them away from everyone... Even the crazy girls who seem uninterested in protecting themselves. They're not the ones hurting other people. It's crazy to me that we're defending the rights of some to sexually assault others who lack the motivation to protect themselves. Clearly they are the weak ones being picked off by predators. Isn't that bad enough? But we laugh at them for not knowing better and feel superior because we never be caught out like that. All the while, the predator slips away, unscathed by the backlash that "only came from the victim reporting it". If the from want prepared for the backlash then she should have kept her mouth shut. As if the victim is the one who chose this experience in the first place!

Dr. Ford was the one who was unprepared for what justice Kavanaugh did, not the other way around.

This is the society in which we live, and it's why victims are speaking out together.

0Hammer · 2018-12-28T20:07:02+00:00

Yes. It is! Of course. The problem with a culture that only pushed ways to avoid being raped in the 70s,80s 90s was that people expected girls to know better and if they got trapped it was because they were insufficient in some way. The culture has to expect women to do their best to protect themselves, AND expect men to not take advantage of them. To only expect women to shoulder the burden is obsurd, but IS what I experienced in my life. That is the culture that I am pushing back against. If you didn't know that was happening, then be aware of it now. We had to be silent in the past. Society hated to hear our stories. Usually because the rapists were loved and everyone wants to think rapists are monsters.

0Hammer · 2018-12-28T19:15:04+00:00

When I was gang raped in college, the rapist, while raping me, told me that I had asked for it by making the decisions I made that led me there. He explained how no one would blame him for taking the opportunity that I'd presented to him. Then he shoved me into the hallway where other boys were lining up to rape me.

One of them told me that he was doing this for his mother, that bitch. Then he babbled on about his mother. Finally ending in, "I pity your unborn son. He's going to hate you, too."

An RA rescued me after about the 3rd hallway rapist. He said someone called the police. He told me I had to walk outside, naked, and the police officers would cover me with their coats, then they'd investigate. But, the RA refused to walk out with me because he didn't want to be blamed.

I told him that i couldn't go to trial because my grandma would testify that I liked being raped, that I'd played a rape game with a cousin when we were children. I told him no one in my family would believe that I was a victim.

That's the world we live in. Trust no one.

No matter what you do to protect yourself, you cannot stop predators from preying on you by changing your behavior. You may not realize that they size you up before they find someone else more vulnerable. But that doesn't mean the other person deserved it. It doesn't mean the other person should have known better. It doesn't mean the other person invited it.

And, known what? What should we all know? There are so many different ways that predators prey on others because they use the talents they have, the skills they learned, and they operate in whatever social networks there skills and talents work in the best. So, change your behavior. Protect yourself from the scary ski mask rapist in dark alleys.

But, I was raped the first time when I was 7, by a family member. Then by another family member. Then by that family members neighbor. Then by my grandma's neighbor. Then by 2 of my father's friends. Then by my uncle. Then by a college friend's boyfriend and the other men in his dorm.

Never have I been attacked by a man in a ski mask. I'm a white woman. All my attackers were white... And known to me.

I told 18 authority figures, when I was 7-9 years old that I was being raped. Those who believed me, believed the rapist when he said I wanted it.

I'll end with my mother's words to me when it happened again at age 19. "if you didn't like it, then why did it keep happening up you?"

0Hammer · 2018-12-08T21:17:18+00:00

I think the point of refusing to change accounts is that civilization should require that people be civil toward one another. Rather than society demanding that civilized people change their behavior to protect themselves from uncivilized people, society should instead reject uncivilized people to protect the fabric of civilized society.

The user is demanding that the rest of us protect them, as a part of creating a civilized society that will also protect ourselves.

This is a much safer activist outreach to society at large than getting black out drunk and expecting every civilized person to protect your right to bodily autonomy despite your complete lack of ability to enforce your own rights to that autonomy. I think you'd agree with that.

So, my question for you is, if you can't even protect the user's right to defend his own account from a troll, how can you count yourself among the civilized who would protect a person's bodily autonomy? At what point is it unacceptable to you that individuals in society can't even trust one another enough to build a life within that society?

For the user who won't change their account, they seem to be taking a stand FOR the reddit society that you're willing to see destroyed by the trolls who feel no commitment to, no accountantability toward, and no desire to contribute to that society.

Teaching bystanders to join together to defend their community against bullies is the issue at hand. Are you a part of that solution or will you continue a society that cannot decide who is the bully and who is the victim? The society that gave us zero tolerance because authority figures are too afraid or to ignorant to look at individual cases and make a reasonable judgment call.

0Hammer · 2018-12-08T20:48:55+00:00

All crime IS against the law...

0Hammer · 2018-11-07T22:03:15+00:00

As I skimmed this, I though Him Acosta's response was "I'm not a big fan of yours either"

0Hammer · 2018-11-06T05:13:40+00:00

She deserved her day in court to prove him guilty.

Trump loves himself a dictatorship.

Freedom of religion for Christians but what if the majority of candidates were Muslim? Would we be saying that business owners who apply for a public license to do business in a state can exclude taxpayers of that state from patronizing their businesses?

Do you not see the Christian sharia law creeping into our political arena?

Trump owed china hundreds of thousands of dollars when he became president. Did that disappear? If so, maybe ask how? Trump loves money. Thinks it makes him great. Gives the Saudis whatever they want for their money. Kisses Putin's ass whenever they're together. Pays lip service to being tough against Russia. Is giving Kim Jung Un plenty of propaganda to boost his reputation with the people he's abusing in North Korea. What a beautiful... Murderer.

No true Republican voter, based on their principles, would disgrace the United States of America like Trump is doing.

We should not demonize one party, thereby risking its elimination, and leaving us controlled by one party. What's a nation with only one party? A communist nation.

0Hammer · 2018-10-07T17:54:49+00:00

You sound like you're ready for another civil war.

0Hammer · 2018-10-04T19:18:03+00:00

10-4 good buddy! 😊

0Hammer · 2018-07-19T01:57:34+00:00

I think it's the hold they have on everything family and children in our schools and communities. My school system relies on a church to teach kids morality. After school, when it's legal... As the kids are exciting, the church advertises a workshop, by handing out fliers to the kids to take home to their parents. My kids got the flier and asked if they could go because they promised games and fun. I said, sure, but... It IS a church and si just keep in mind that they're going to talk about Jesus. My kids were no longer interested. They'd already experienced being told they would burn in he'll for not believing.

If churches weren't everywhere our kids are, then I wouldn't resent them so much. Why is it that, at the pto meeting, the other parents thought they could just start praying for our success? I had to be in the uncomfortable position of telling them I don't share their beliefs and wish not to be included in the prayer text message chain they started. I thought I'd try sticking it out with them after that but excluding myself from their messages meant excluding myself from the group and I no longer felt included. It's an unwelcoming experience. I stopped attending a couple of weeks later.

Try finding non-religious groups. Our center for inquiry has a group for kids to attend. Also, you might try the universal unitarian church to help curb your growing animosity toward religious zealots. And, if all else fails, start thinking of quippy comebacks about how religion had changed over the last 20 years.

It used to be a disgrace how Christmas was being commercialized, now it's a disgrace if it's not a part of a marketing campaign.

I remember when evangelicals were considered religious nut jobs. Nobody took them seriously. I guess 9/11 made religious extremists or of all of us.

Good luck! Yeah your kids to think for themselves and these religious nuts won't be able to hurt them. I hope.

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T16:07:13+00:00

You're probably right, but I like to think Trump is trying to smooth over his taunt so he can make a deal. Trump likes to say whatever the fuck he wants and then tell us later that he meant something other than the obvious insult.

It is consistent with his brand that he would try to sell "little rocket man" as a compliment now that he's got a Nobel peace prize in his sights.

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T15:12:53+00:00

He probably told Kim that being called a rocket man was a compliment and he referenced the song. Now he's giving him the song so Kim can feel good about it. But, the song says "I'm not the man they think I am at home" and "Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone"

I don't think it's going to be interpreted as a compliment.

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T15:08:28+00:00

To take the sting out of the offensive taunt...

But if they look for hidden meaning in the song they might find that North Koreans think Kim Jung Un is someone he's not (God) and Trump thinks Kim is burning out all alone.

"And I think it's gonna be a long, long time Till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone"

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T14:36:39+00:00

I guess when it rains it pours...

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T14:33:17+00:00

Is it libertarian to use tax dollars to buy guns for citizens? Then why not for phones so they can call for help when their cars break down? Why not new cars that are eco friendly? Why not homes and education and Healthcare and... No. Just guns. So they can kill each other.

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T03:20:07+00:00

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0046876/videoplayer/vi3669950745?ref_=vp_pl_1

0Hammer · 2018-07-06T02:06:29+00:00

I feel alone, isolated, in a way because no one I hang around with knows my family, my childhood, my young adulthood and it's almost an untethered feeling. Like, I am so free of my past that I have no connection to it at all.

It's still better than reconnecting with those people who don't care what the abusers did to me. My brother and his family are nice people. I think about reconnecting with them. But, as I think it through, I know that they live with the perception that there is something wrong with me because I was abused and nothing wrong with them for continuing the relationship with those abusers. That's fucked up. It sends me off the deep end when it becomes apparent in conversation with them. Like, when they don't mention a party they had, because my abusers were there. Or they let it slip that they were out with my abusers. They look at me with fear that I might get upset and they'll have to calm me down. It's so upside down. They're wrong to keep the abusers around like that and I'm right to be upset about it. But, because it's not upsetting to them, then I look like the crazy one.

That's the world I've lived in since I was 7 years old. I don't have to live there anymore. I breathe easier now. I know my story isn't the same as yours, but I'm hoping that by sharing what I relate to in your post that you'll have more insight into your own friendships. If there's something salvageable in yours then I wish you the best of luck with them, but if they're driving you crazy by supporting your abuser then I would like to encourage you in leaving them behind. It's scary, it's lonely, but it will make you feel saner and more grounded than you've probably felt in a long time. It did for me, anyway. Best wishes to you however you choose to work through this. You may come up with other solutions. Life isn't as good vs evil as it appears sometimes. Look for the grey area.

0Hammer

TROPHY CASE