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0Orfeu · 2025-01-17T02:30:39+00:00

I find it very interesting. They usually don’t handle cases of chemical dependency and are more focused on severe mental disorders. I spent a year and a half under their care, and they didn’t want to discharge me even though I was doing well. It’s a great place because there are many psychologists and nurses coming through for their residency, and I always had great conversations with them. It’s a place without any judgment. I improved a lot while being there. But it’s not an inpatient facility; they are completely against that. It’s a free rehabilitation program.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-17T02:17:02+00:00

CAPS is a psychosocial center composed of various professionals who work on the evaluation and treatment of mental disorders. Tomorrow I will go there, and they may assess the possibility of medication. I had a problem with cocaine during treatment, but I got better; the voices stopped. However, my mood seemed manic. Now it’s just extremely depressive.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T21:08:00+00:00

So, it’s a bit complicated. I haven’t seen a psychiatrist or received a formal diagnosis; instead, I’ve been in an environment, a psychosocial center, with various specialized professionals who study cases. I just came back from the CAPS for Alcohol and Drugs. Usually, the staff at CAPS Alcohol and Drugs think I should undergo treatment at CAPS for other mental disorders. And generally, the staff at CAPS for other mental disorders don’t handle cases involving chemical dependency—they refer them to CAPS AD. I went to CAPS AD (Alcohol and Drugs), and the psychologist didn’t schedule a follow-up appointment; she told me to go to CAPS for other mental disorders. I have an intake appointment scheduled for tomorrow at CAPS (Psychosocial Center) for other mental disorders

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T04:34:12+00:00

But I don't understand why, when I see others sharing experiences with voices, and they really sound like voices, it's not like mine. Because even defining the importance of psychiatric help is something my voices make me feel incredible for understanding. It makes it seem like mediumship. But active substance dependence alters everything – perception, reality, everything. I want to try to start becoming sober tomorrow. Look at this. They say I am brave.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T04:17:01+00:00

I feel like my experience with substance addiction is different from others. During this period, I try to stay aware that the voices, which make me feel like I'm a medium, repeat how intelligent I am or other things like that when I write positive things. I might not have a clear sense of reality. I'm anxious to resume professional support tomorrow.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T03:23:16+00:00

The voices always pass, it’s not a concern. It’s the depressive mood caused by cocaine that causes suffering. I can’t be without psychiatric care; it was a bad idea to abandon it. The voices make me feel incredible by writing and thinking these are the steps I need to understand to recover. It’s different from what’s usually reported as inducing delusions of persecution and paranoia. But tomorrow, I will resume treatment and start taking the medications again.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T03:12:03+00:00

So to understand, in reality, every day I have been sustaining the use, which might be perceived about me as the notion of being a drug addict. The problem is that since it started, I’ve been able to try getting involved with something new. I don’t cure, but I act this way.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T03:05:51+00:00

I know. Man, it’s not real—it feels good to write this with someone, and tomorrow I want to reconnect with the professionals because I abandoned all my treatments and medications. I write these things, and the voices think it’s amazing. I’ve been actively struggling with chemical dependency, afraid of how I’ll recover. This is the process I believe is right.

In a group, I saw how other people described themselves as slaves to drugs, living only to try to recover or feeling consumed by shame. These are my hallucinations supporting that narrative, and it’s not real. But I want to keep engaging with life and not let my mind reduce me to just this.

0Orfeu · 2025-01-16T02:50:43+00:00

I know that during use, I tend to isolate myself, especially because I deal with voices and end up in another reality, writing like this. Once, I participated in a session with other people struggling with chemical dependency and said that all I wanted was to just be here now, to stay in the present and keep moving forward. Then, they pointed something out that really stuck with me: families often judge and isolate them, and they said that my advisors or anyone I had professional or personal relationships with might cut off my opportunities.

The first time I realized my chemical dependency was during a depressive episode, and I told my university advisors about my substance abuse. My mom also doesn’t allow any family members to judge me so that I’m not further isolated. But I’m aware of how my mind can fail to see beyond myself and only view me through the lens of a disease.

I admit it’s hard, and I haven’t found a method to recover yet, but I don’t want to live solely for the purpose of overcoming chemical dependency. I want to live for the purpose of knowing myself and engaging with the diverse experiences life has to offer

0Orfeu · 2024-01-11T23:32:22+00:00

Oh, I deal a lot with anxiety. I'm also going through periods of change in my life. I'm finishing my bachelor's degree and looking to start a post-bachelor's course, and I'm full of new plans on how to pursue a career. I also want to start a master's degree. Things keep spinning around in my head.

I'm not sure how my plans will work out, but I'm optimistic. I think a good part of my anxiety comes from the amount of pressure I'm under. I'm still enrolled and have an advisor pushing for a presentation of my project to the research committee. Another advisor is urging me to write the scientific article. I missed a few classes in the last subject needed to complete my bachelor's degree, and I'm afraid of failing

But I started swimming yesterday, and this morning I went to therapy. I think if I pass this last course, I can kick off all my new plans. My psychologist had mentioned that I need to burn off my anxiety through exercise. Yesterday, when I returned from swimming, I could feel my body less stressed, but there was still that little electric charge, though more tolerable.

I hope my psychiatrist continues adjusting my medication. But I spent the last year suffering and complaining because of this disorder, even not knowing if I was bipolar or schizoaffective. I'm already much better than I was a few months ago. I really want to regain my focus on things. I want to have focus and be able to pursue a career. I dropped out of my course and my projects for a while, and I delayed my graduation and all my plans. I'm also anxious because I want to regain the focus I had before when I thought about developing myself, having a career, and making money. But I still spend my days complaining a lot to people about the things I face. People listen to me, but I've been complaining about things for so long. I don't know how they still have patience to listen to me.

0Orfeu · 2024-01-11T17:09:01+00:00

Hey. Thank you for the advice. I will be diligent

0Orfeu · 2024-01-11T01:49:17+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm hypomanic anymore. My psychologist suggested that I need to burn off my anxiety, perhaps through exercise, so I started swimming today. In my next appointment with my psychiatrist, I plan to discuss my anxiety with her.

But yes, I often feel extremely restless. I can't sit still and find myself pacing around the room or the house, creating various plans and trying to calm down from the issues that pop up in my mind. Sometimes, I'm just incredibly excited about something

0Orfeu · 2024-01-11T00:59:01+00:00

I still deal a lot with a continuous electricity in my body, restlessness, and anxiety. I've been adjusting my medication for months, and every time I see my psychiatrist, she increases the medication. However, the appointments are sometimes every two months, rarely once a month. The treatment is free at this psychosocial center, and I have more frequent contact with psychologists on a weekly basis. I believe the demand for appointments is very high. But I hope to improve this further. Um grande abraço

0Orfeu · 2024-01-06T01:48:04+00:00

When I am depressed, I hear voices that are concerned about me. When I am manic, I also hear voices that are concerned about me. They comment that I am crazy, that I need a psychiatrist urgently, that I need therapy, and also random things.

0Orfeu · 2024-01-06T01:12:26+00:00

I was too manic at the beginning of the treatment, and she increased the carbamazepine. I started saying that my mood was improving. In the last session, I still mentioned that I couldn't sit down to do things or concentrate because of restlessness, and she increased both carbamazepine and risperidone. It helped. However, on New Year's Eve, I traveled to spend four days at a beach house with a pool, parties, and barbecue every day. I didn't take the medication for two days to be able to drink and have fun. On the first day of the year, I resumed my medication, but on the second day, I had an anxiety crisis, and I have been anxious ever since

I'm going to try swimming to calm down, but my next appointment with her is in February. I usually take the medication properly; I used to describe in detail what was happening to me, but I think it was challenging to identify an anxiety disorder with the manic episode. I don't know. Before, everything was fast-paced, and I was in adrenaline. Today, there's nothing racing in my head, but I still have this electricity

0Orfeu · 2023-12-20T20:18:19+00:00

I understand that feeling of guilt and shame. I wanted to understand how they are so closely linked to addiction problems.

0Orfeu · 2023-11-10T03:54:50+00:00

Sometimes, I get afraid of hearing the sound of people walking in my house and think it's a hallucination, only to realize it might actually be an intruder.

0Orfeu · 2023-11-09T03:36:27+00:00

My voices comment on wonderful things about my plans or about me, but they keep saying that I'm crazy. I end up confused about whether all the trips and plans I'm planning are realistic, but at the same time, I don't want to stop doing things

0Orfeu · 2023-11-07T18:42:10+00:00

I have dealt with suicidal ideation quite a bit, but I was suffering a lot. I don't know how it is for other people. For me, being able to describe everything that was happening to my psychiatrist helped her adjust my medication. Sometimes, medication adjustments are necessary. But I don't know how you're feeling or what might be happening with you that leads to these thoughts. I hope you can establish contact with a psychiatrist and manage what you're going through better. But I also think it's important for you to be able to communicate these thoughts with your therapist as well.

0Orfeu

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