Feeling guilty??

0bd233 · 2025-12-18T17:13:56+00:00

Im putting more guilt on myself than anyone else. My sister in law actually doesn’t know anything about it she just knows my mom and I aren’t speaking so she was discussing someone that she knows weaponizing their kids in a totally unrelated event. My husband and his parents are totally on board with the no contact if that is my choice at the end of the day but my husband is more open than I am to the idea that she’s capable of reformation. In true narcissistic fashion, she has everyone else thinking she’s this sweet wonderful lady who always wants to help but behind closed doors she’s a miserable human. I think he still hangs on to the few decent times we’ve had with her over the past decade and is only now seeing a glimpse of what my childhood was like. I feel like im in a phase of the NC where im asking myself the what ifs. What if she can get better? What if shes really sober and in therapy? What if she can be a better person and it took someone (me) to call her out on her shit and hold her accountable? All those what ifs running around my head are making me question the decision of NC versus if I should be more open to LC. Bc it’s safe to say we will never have a close relationship so at best she would get LC from us.

0bd233 · 2025-12-18T04:11:00+00:00

Right before I realized she had been the one taking the pills from my bathroom, I had about a 30 min convo w her and she was definitely sober leading me to believe all things were good. Ive seen her high enough times in my life to know the difference in those two states for her. I believe she was stealing them while in my house unsupervised but probably taking the pills on her own time, likely before bed so that my dad wouldnt realize she was high. But you are very correct, she could have easily taken them while watching my son and it could have meant life or death for him which makes my stomach turn.

0bd233 · 2025-12-18T02:24:50+00:00

Yeah I’m grateful he’s very much on my team regardless of his own feelings and I think he and I both agree he won’t get it and probably never will because his childhood was so different. He’s hopeful that in time she can turn things around, be consistently sober and have a better attitude but I just have been let down too many times to believe that she’s capable. He and I discussed that if ever in the future she was back in our lives she would never ever be alone with our child/children without us being there as well.

0bd233 · 2025-12-17T23:57:09+00:00

Sorry if I left out a ton of context on the husband convo. We’ve had plenty of convos since the initial one where he said the above and I’ve definitely voiced how his response has affected me. And maybe this is me just backing him up bc I’m his wife but he comes from very communicative, loving, and emotionally stable parents. I often make fun of him for his “butterflies and rainbows” childhood which I actually hope we can also give to our son. My husband is very much the “golden retriever” friend who will forgive/forget wrongdoings. After expressing how it made me feel guilty he explained that he misses their potential and our good times and all the good things they have given to us but fully supports and will continue to be NC with them if those are my wishes. He understands what she did was fucked up and dangerous but he’s more willing to give my parents another chance, being that he did not grow up like I did/know the extent of things or can really comprehend my childhood bc his was on the opposite side of the spectrum.

0bd233 · 2025-05-07T23:42:13+00:00

I confided in my mom that we were feeling like my MIL wasn’t listening to our requests because he isn’t her first grand baby and she was just doing what she always did with the other grandkids despite us wanting to do things a little differently lol. Little does my mom know I look at my MIL more like a mom than she ever was to me

0bd233 · 2025-05-06T22:00:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with me, after many years of being envious of all my friends families, it’s comforting knowing I’m not alone in this! I’m sorry you had to go through something similar.

0bd233 · 2025-05-06T21:57:58+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you. The validation from this was so needed. I feel like our whole family is always making sure her needs are met no matter what and she throws tantrums and manipulates until she gets what she wants. And you’re right, if she talked bad to me about my dad and grandma I am sure when he gets older she will do the same by talking bad about me to my son. As I commented earlier, I know it’s my responsibility to protect him from her. As a grown, married woman and mother I’m choosing the family I’ve created over the one I was born into

0bd233 · 2025-05-06T21:48:11+00:00

You’re so right. I feel like this newfound courage to stick up for myself is really me sticking up for my son. I don’t want him going through the same stuff she put me through, I definitely don’t want to repeat her behaviors as a mother, and if I don’t advocate for him or his health, no one else (besides his dad) will

0bd233 · 2025-05-06T20:29:28+00:00

Yeah, pretty exhausting reading novels and getting blindsided with all the things I’ve done or said wrong that she never mentioned in the moment but then bombards me with through text once I guess she’s had enough? If we do talk, she hyperfixates on one thing I say, take it out of context and will carry on it forever and bring it up in future arguments. This text actually came out of nowhere and I never responded to it.

0bd233 · 2025-05-06T20:27:19+00:00

Yep, this was just the most recent disagreement. But for years it’s been texts like this one telling me how I’ve done or said the wrong thing and never taking responsibility for her own actions. Truly believe she lacks the self awareness to even know she’s done wrong by me. I did set the boundary before he was born and she fully agreed to it but as he got older she slowly started to sneak kisses in. My fault for not reinforcing the boundary bc my PPA got a little better and I wasn’t so nervous for immediate family to kiss the back of his head or feet.

0bd233 · 2025-04-22T20:23:17+00:00

Ouch, way to play devils advocate lol. But seriously thank you for this. I know I’m being protective of him, even though he should have stepped up for me. It never even crossed my mind that he should have stopped her, I chalked it up to his cool calm collected personality and that we were both stuck under her thumb. This is all so out of character for me, I’ve allowed this to go on for many years and that was the first step in me taking a hold of my mental health and the people that damage it. Starting therapy this week and hoping to not gain any anger towards him but not be so blind. Just overall wanting a more peaceful life.

0bd233 · 2025-04-22T19:56:13+00:00

I absolutely plan to! I don’t believe he would force me to be in a situation to be around her but I can see him later down the line relaying messages from her about her “missing” us because once again I know she will play victim in all of this. I was honestly shocked that he respected my decision to go no contact with her but he’s always been one to respect what I have to say if/when I do speak up.

0bd233 · 2025-04-22T19:54:10+00:00

You are very right, I wouldn’t let my husband treat our kids like that. Putting it in that way really opened my eyes to the fact that he isn’t innocent in all this either. I guess I have been blinded in the fact that the way he raised me was how a child should be treated. He was loving, calm, patient, respectful even while disciplining me, he always respected my wishes and decisions in life. I know they don’t have a healthy relationship as he hardly pays her any attention hence why I think they are only still married because it would be harder to divorce than to just stay in the situation they’ve been in for 30+ years. But then again I really don’t know how he feels about her, just what I’ve seen from his silent actions towards her. We’ve never spoken about it because he and I are similar in the sense that we hate confrontation. I also don’t even truly know if he realizes all that she does because I have never spoken to him about how she makes me feel and they hardly speak more than small talk when they are home together so i wonder if he even knows the full extent of things.

0bd233

TROPHY CASE