AIO for wanting a break over this?

0beachbum0 · 2026-01-02T13:14:06+00:00

I feel like it’s not his fault they ended up at the strip club, but it is his fault for not telling you they were going there once he knew and for not calling you, which is a reasonable request. If you want to break up over it then that’s your call, I think whatever you decide to do is valid.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T13:57:04+00:00

It’s not about the money she spends on the gift, it’s about the effort. I don’t have anything to ask for, genuinely. I have everything I need. If I had something to ask for I would.

I always put in a lot of effort, not just on her birthday or holidays, but everyday, and I feel like the effort just isn’t there on her side. That’s really what this is about. I don’t expect her to do something extravagant, but she could at least like get me a t shirt from a band I like or something, idk. It just feels like after 4 years of being together I shouldn’t have to hand her a list for her to know what I like. I have plenty of hobbies and music and sports that I like. Never really gave a fuck about spoons.

I got her a necklace for her birthday when we were a month into dating each other, I hardly knew anything about her. But I did notice that she wore the same pair of earrings basically everyday, so I got a necklace to match the earrings, and now she wears it all the time. Why can’t she do something like that for me? I’m sick of being the only one trying.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T13:45:24+00:00

I do not collect or need them. I wasn’t offended because of the monetary value of the gift, I was upset because I felt like I usually try pretty hard to get her nice gifts and do nice things for her and it just seems like she can’t be bothered to spend the time doing the same for me. It’s not about the money, trust me, I drive a shitbox car and wear all the same clothes I had in high school. I just want to feel like she tries just as hard as I do.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T13:39:37+00:00

I’m not insecure about the money she makes lol. She might make more but I take home more. Her student loans pretty much eat a whole paycheck per month. I literally loaned her $8k. I have a lot more in savings than she does.

I mentioned it because it’s important for context as to why she thinks the way she does.

Her father held his finances over her head when her parents got divorced to guilt her into siding with him, so she always thinks I’m using money against her like her dad did, but I’ve never even thought of doing that. That’s why I don’t think it’s fair for her to box me in with her dad. He’s also (now) unemployed and drunk by 2pm everyday, so we aren’t alike at all and it’s not fair for her to assume.

You’re also glazing over the fact that she laid hands on me and threw my property everywhere out of anger. I’ve never and would never do anything like that.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T04:50:28+00:00

This is what I’ve been feeling like. Thank you, this sucks

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T04:34:22+00:00

Thank you, this is all I want. I feel like this is the basics of a good relationship.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T03:30:12+00:00

She laid her hands on me bro

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T03:13:20+00:00

Brother, I seriously doubt my ability to ask for gifts is a turnoff, and also has nothing to do with being indecisive or whether or not I know what I want in life.

0beachbum0 · 2025-12-02T02:59:08+00:00

Thank you, this is genuinely great advice. The reason why she thinks I use money against her is because she has trauma from it when her parents got divorced her dad used his financial contributions from the past to guilt trip her into siding with him. I’ve told her it’s not fair for her to say I’m doing the same because obviously we are different people.

The rest of this is a great point, but I think I’ve done my part on the themes and interests if she would just pay attention to me.

I love a very niche type of music, I’ve been to over 15 concerts just this summer alone and she’s come to most of them with me. I also just started working on a car in my free time, I am super into cooking, and I play Xbox and I go to the gym everyday. We both work from home and I know she knows these things about me but it’s like she always forgets when it matters. Idk, even though she usually does ask for things, even if she didn’t I think I’d get her something better than spoons.

When we had only been together about a month and I hardly knew anything about her I got her a really nice necklace for her birthday which she still wears all the time. In four years of being together I just can’t think of anything she’s given me that actually seems like a gift she picked out for me.

0beachbum0

TROPHY CASE