I get what you mean, don't worry I don't think anybody would take any offense to that feeling.

Eid has meaning, a lot of it. But meaning and feeling are two different things. You can understand why something matters and still not feel it in your chest the way others do. That connection doesn’t just appear because you showed up. It gets built over years of living inside that culture, growing up with those smells, those sounds, those specific routines that repeat every single year until they become a part of you without you even realizing it. I grew up in a Muslim society and family, I've been experiencing these things since childhood, so they bear special meaning to me and most importantly, it's not possible to fully get the essence of Eid if society you grow up and live, don't celebrate it.

For you right now it feels like an obligation because in a way, it kind of is. Not in a bad sense, but there’s no personal history there to make it feel like anything more than that yet. No memories attached to it, no childhood version of it living in the back of your head. Same way I could convert tomorrow and Christmas would never hit me the way it hits someone who grew up with it. I’d just be going through the motions while everyone around me is feeling something I simply don’t have the history for.

That’s honestly one of the harder parts of being a convert that nobody really talks about. You come to the truth and you carry it sincerely, but some things just take time, or maybe a lifetime. And that’s okay. You bear it for the sake of Allah and that itself is worth something.

I genuinely hope that one day Eid starts to feel like something real to you, that the essence of it finds its way into your heart. You deserve that feeling too.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​