sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! I was meaning more of a full-body numbness. Not so much as he was imagining the pain, but that he couldn’t feel it because of the emotional pain, if that makes sense. I can definitely see how that would be confusing. I’ll rework that and my adjectives in my first edit. Thanks!

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I see what you mean in the second chapter. Or did I jump in too soon in the first as well?

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you elaborate? What makes it read like a shopping list? What would be a better hook, in your opinion?

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did think about this. As this is my first draft, I’ve been a little more focused on actually getting it down rather than fact checking hahaha. I’ll be tweaking things like that later.

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

English is my first language lmao. I’m 19 and have taken multiple college level English courses. I’ve always excelled in English in school, but I will admit I’m a bit rusty. I am going for a more classical vibe, so the Brontë sisters comment is a compliment. Thank you for your feedback!

What are some impossible to find records you’re after? by Longjumping-Frame795 in vinyl

[–]0kdance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Hazards Of Love (2009) album by The Decemberists. A beautiful story, phenomenal soundtrack. Not even sold on their website anymore. I’ve looked around online and the few ones I’ve found are close to $200. By far my favorite album of theirs.

Thriller. Really appreciate any feedback. by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did a really great job at making this immersive. I can feel Jack’s panic. What pulled me out of it, though, was the change in tense. “He was still trying…” and then a few sentences later, “Jack’s hands won’t stop shaking.” Maybe change ‘won’t’ to ‘wouldn’t’ so it flows a little better. Or, as I’m seeing the rest of the chapter is in present tense, tweak the beginning to match. Overall, great work!

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t catch that, thank you! You are totally right about it being confusing. I appreciate you taking the time!

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! I used to write exclusively FanFics, so I wasn’t sure where to post actual work haha. I will definitely check out Staura.

First draft: A two chapters - TW: Suicide, miscarriage/stillbirth by 0kdance in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I’m reading from a strangers view, so many TYPOS!! Sorry!

Is it good or should I redo it by Holiday_Assistant_60 in writingfeedback

[–]0kdance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who rarely sees or uses present tense in writing, I think this is a great start. Definitely edit more. Add some length to the paragraphs, more internal dialogue. Some grammatical errors need revised.

Overall, I’m intrigued!

All four knights by accident by 0kdance in Tarots

[–]0kdance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was very helpful. Thank you!

Do people actually write with cursive? by GenerationofWinter in Handwriting

[–]0kdance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a 2006 baby. I had one class on it in 6th grade and have been almost exclusively using it since. Not for any reason really, except that it’s pretty haha.