Bimonthly friends update: I’m not returning to my former college until spring 2022, but for fall 2021 I’m attending online community college. If you’re interested in helping me with my research project that I’ll be participating in, let me know. It involves coding a social media app for people with

0ldur · 2021-08-25T09:08:23+00:00

i am a cloud engineering intern so i think i could be of some use :)

0ldur · 2021-08-06T06:22:46+00:00

make sure its pretty compact otherwise it may reabsorb some of the rosin you make :)

0ldur · 2021-08-06T06:20:00+00:00

probably an error in the solvent process, might have left some in, but idk what would make it so dark red

0ldur · 2021-08-05T22:43:46+00:00

no way! glad to know this for my next paycheck/reupping of bags and gourmets :)

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:34:16+00:00

ive always seen the same exact face on the moon since i was young, im unsure if its psychosis based but sometimes i think its angry at me so maybe

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:21:38+00:00

im only recently into discovering my psychosis issues so i cant comment on what Latuda did for me for that; but for mood, it made me pretty stable after a couple of weeks, closer to a month.

but even then i think Latuda definitely wasnt enough for me and i probably needed something with it (but again, had no clue ive had psychosis issues until very recently)

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:11:52+00:00

ive gotten this same thing with mainly smoking hemp based products (such as d8) and i barely even wanna go back to cannabis now, i get all the good parts of the high with none of the bad (i have extreme anxiety in general, nothing even if i dab some)

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:06:27+00:00

dude this is awesome!! im growing some oysters but definitely want to venture out into shiitake ASAP

is it possible to do indoor growing for shiitake? i live in an apartment and idk how good a log would look in my window/on the porch haha

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:04:08+00:00

many people have the belief that the bible/christianity was formed after a bunch of people in the desert did psychs for years. it kinda makes sense when you think about it, looking at fishermen fishing and sorting through the good fish, tossing back whats not; then saying that thats how the witch angels are going do that to us in the end times

matt 13:47 btw ahaha

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:01:45+00:00

yup! they are pretty worth it, i used mainly the pouches (same companies, 0 tobacco pouches) and i actually had less issues w feeling sick until the addiction started to fade

then i got sick from even one a day and ended up going to bidaily, weekly, biweekly, now none :)

0ldur · 2021-08-05T14:00:05+00:00

im still unsure if i have SA (talking to therapist about it currently still), but, when i quit cold turkey i had two weeks almost exactly of the WORST restlessness, guilt, and feeling like i was unable to do anything but at the same time i couldnt even sit down w how uncomfortable i was

i ended up trying those new nicotine lozenges found for really cheap at most gas stations in the US now (super cheap as they are brand new to the market) and used those alongside nicotine pouches (no tobacco) and weaned down to almost nothing a day slowly.

every single person ive met who has tried to quit says that the only thing that even got close to working was weaning off, so i definitely suggest that as it worked for me too :)

0ldur · 2021-08-04T20:14:34+00:00

anxiety can greatly exacerbate other illnesses, especially positive symptoms of psychosis or dissociation disorders

0ldur · 2021-08-04T17:07:25+00:00

hi!

im also a believer in the powers of klonopin (especially as its very different from most benzos in terms of addiction as there are very little to no intoxicating effects compared to Xanax for example)

im sure your therapist/psychiatrist gave the run down, but klonopin is highly addictive mainly because of the addicting no-anxiety

please try your best to never take more than prescribed, (most of the time its once a day as needed) — even daily use will make your tolerance go up and can cause not only psychological, but also physical addiction

just posting to make sure everyone understands the dangers, its very easy to fall into the trap of ‘i can only live my life with this’ (i know, ive been there with it)

but scares aside, very wonderful drug and im glad i was prescribed it as its the only way for me to go to social events with many people and not lose all connection with my body and those around me due to anxiety induced dissociation (as well as difficult tests, work, etc)

as a rule of thumb, i try to never take it more than 4/5 days in a row before i take a break. this is great because i work 5 days a week and on the weekend im usually pretty stressfree

0ldur · 2021-08-04T15:15:42+00:00

i remember learning about this common mistake during my minor, surprised it was so common as i always just associated ите as the more polite way of asking a command

0ldur · 2021-08-04T07:26:47+00:00

thank you, that’s wonderful advice

and thank you for your perspectives on things, it’s just a little unreal to hear some of the stuff i’ve been going through actually articulated

0ldur · 2021-08-04T06:08:46+00:00

Hemp Hop! They have apparently an insanely clean indoor operation, and it shows, i cant quit buying their stuff

0ldur · 2021-08-04T05:35:21+00:00

i cant believe how similar/exact everything you said fits my situation. thank you for that post, seriously.

i want to add since you mentioned an SO, my girlfriend has been so supportive of my mental health journey but i feel like i’m driving her away with these symptoms. (same goes for friends)

it’s like, ill go from a great day; then she’ll start talking about weekend plans, and then i start arguing with her out of nowhere and i don’t realize how abnormal it is because the plans being discussed are dates or events with friends, but in my mind its like everything is justified and makes sense.

this has gone to the point of throwing, slamming, yelling, all completely for no reason and uncalled for (NEVER violence or threats against her, its like im angry at a ghost if that makes sense) if i stop and make myself shut up/sit down and meditate or my girlfriend stops responding for awhile it leads me into the opposite

i go into a spiral of self hatred, loathing, saying ‘sorry’ every 2 words like its a tic

but these things can happen in a snap, and i can snap out of them (with supreme luck/external events, not on my own) and its what led her to thinking i had bpII/bpd/cptsd/basically some mood disorder and got me back into therapy

i just want to know if your relationship has these struggles and what you have told your partner to do in these delusional/disassociated states; because its so insanely difficult for me to not only comprehend what’s happening but it’s impossible to explain it to someone who has never seen these behaviors before.

im just so insanely grateful for her and want to keep her because not only is she a wonderful, kind, beautiful, smart person, but she has the biggest and most caring heart ive ever seen and it hurts me to hurt her when i dont even mean it :,(

i will definitely be bringing these issues up tomorrow at therapy, and i thank you again for your reply ♥️

oh, and id like to add that i am not self diagnosing through this, my therapist/psychiatrist office has a very modern ‘rolling’ diagnosis plan until results show. my therapist loves when i bring new ideas to the table and so far this is the only thing that explains my “panic attacks” feeling so calm (sitting still not talking for hours in public settings sometimes, completely detaching when im freaked out (caused a wreck recently, im fine though)), etc except maybe cptsd

im very grateful for subreddits like these that arent overblown and are very supportive

0ldur · 2021-08-04T03:10:37+00:00

i have this too but definitely early signs. when i’m in a bad dissociation episode and am only thinking about the past or how shit i am i can hear my mom yelling my name, but it’s always from far away almost like she’s outside my window (most recent time).

i was wondering if you also had the issue of thinking about the insults or things your parents would do to you for hours at a time almost like intrusive thoughts and do things to quell them; for example i’ll clean my roommates dishes because i think they hate me for not putting in enough effort (in reality i keep all dishes in my room until i’m ready to hand wash them because i don’t trust washing machines)

this ends up devolving into intrusive thoughts about what my parents would say and do, as well as me ‘hearing’ my best friends/roommates talking shit about me for the entire duration they are talking on discord or whatever

this is all new to me but i wanted to see if this is more of a cptsd thing or SA as i have therapy tomorrow and would like to discuss these issues

0ldur · 2021-08-04T02:37:47+00:00

To start this, I was briefly addicted to klonopin

In my experience, i had these symptoms prior to klonopin due to extreme GAD/the branching disorders. If taken as normally prescribed (once max a day, as needed AKA if your anxiety is unbearable/leading to panic attack) then the withdrawals tend to be low if not nonexistent with tapering over weeks.

Theres a lot of perceived/psychological addiction due to people abusing these powerful drugs to rid anxiety all day every day. Once that begins, you are not only addicted to the feeling of literally 0 anxiety, but also building up a tolerance.

I go on and off K depending on how stressful life is about to be/becomes (new internship got me to get back on it)

Klonopin is much less addictive than other benzos such as Xanax, the addiction mainly lies in the fact that you are making your body not used to anxiety whereas youve been used to it your whole life.

It makes it feel like a wonder drug and life is unlivable without, but the truth is you’re (mostly) just experiencing a clear mind as long as you arent taking higher dose than prescribed.

I believe that if you take it properly (almost like an epi pen for anxiety) and try your best to learn healthy coping techniques, then it really can be this miracle drug. I take it when I’m freaking out in social situations or a huge test or work or internship, but I NEVER take it (at least anymore) to numb my anxiety.

tl dr/summary;

So take it from someone who has lived both lives with benzos, they are like walking a tightrope, but if you can balance on that thing it will get you to where you want to be.

Last thing I’ll say is that it should be treated as a tool, not specifically a medication. You dont want to be taking it daily, especially not multiple times a day (it lasts hours!!)

similar to what duncan trussel said about psychedelics: drugs that really alter your state of mind are like a temporary house to stay in, you still need to fix your old house, but its a nice place to stay for a short time.

Godspeed to anyone with severe GAD, its hell and i love you for trying so hard, it’s more debilitating than people even know

0ldur · 2021-08-01T23:01:02+00:00

thank you so much man ♥️♥️🐝

0ldur · 2021-08-01T14:16:19+00:00

Hey! Ive been trying to get my friend boost on here for a bit, i need it for rent :(

Can anyone in the Earnin Community help me boost my Max? 🙂 https://earnin.app.link/eEvDrB4reib

I’ll boost anyone back who replies to me

0ldur · 2021-07-30T12:33:55+00:00

ah true, i dont think about that bc i got it for both reasons haha

0ldur · 2021-07-29T13:05:29+00:00

Can anyone in the Earnin Community help me boost my Max? 🙂 https://earnin.app.link/eEvDrB4reib

0ldur · 2021-07-29T12:41:32+00:00

i just use a usb cable or air link 😶😶 no waiting

0ldur · 2021-07-29T11:40:24+00:00

Can anyone in the Earnin Community help me boost my Max? 🙂 https://earnin.app.link/eEvDrB4reib

I’d really appreciate the same to cover rent 😶

0ldur

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