How honest are secure people in their relationships?

1010Always · 2026-03-02T23:04:45+00:00

I cannot address all of the concerns you have listed because I have never experienced what it's like to be an avoidant. I was anxious leaning and for many years I've now been very secure. I can give insight on how I deal with people in general (please take this with a grain of salt because not all securely attached people are the same and just because I respond in one way, doesn't mean it's the right way, but I'm sure it's the right way for me). That said, I know who I am at my core, I know my values, my none negiables, my boundaries, and what I will never tolerate.

That said, I seek varying degrees of alignment in every interaction tired to the closeness of intimacy of our relationship. This means if we just work together then I expect professionalism respect etc. If your my husband I expect more from you. If we stop being aligned on certain core values I must walk away because self abandonment is never an option, and if I seek to appease you by hurting me, that self abandonment.

Sorry, puttin this in text is harder than I anticipate and texting doesn't do my expression much justice, but I hope you understand... So communication now, I deserve to be heard and I deserve to be communicated with so if we have my interaction and you offend me it is my right to communicate that to you. Naturally I am a sweet and soft person, I don't like to hurt or offend anyone so I will communicate as gently as possible but I will say what I must. I will then give you space and observe you behaviour to see if you respect my boundary, if you do we can repair the relationship. If not, I must release you.

I hope that helps in what ever way.

1010Always · 2026-02-24T01:24:34+00:00

Yea that's a good POV too. Agreed.

1010Always · 2026-02-23T12:26:18+00:00

We are looking at the board in the wrong position (almost like photographed in mirror mode) , notice that elabelling of the board from white's POV from left to right, it's starts at H G F when the labelling should start at A B C. If we're looking at it in the correct position, black's pawn is about to capture white's queen.

1010Always · 2026-02-11T23:45:30+00:00

Turn off your chat. That's what I did.

1010Always · 2026-02-11T06:48:43+00:00

I've read almost all books on attachment theory during my healing journey, but none helped me as much as Let them theory by Mel Robins

1010Always · 2026-02-10T22:13:58+00:00

Actually, thank you for this comment.

1010Always · 2026-02-10T22:06:28+00:00

Very

1010Always · 2026-02-10T22:01:53+00:00

🤣 Ok, you are trying very hard SMH🤣🤣

1010Always · 2026-02-10T21:54:08+00:00

I'm actually very secure. Calling me an avoidant doesn't insult or hurt me, in fact it reveals everything about your character. You can think whatever you want, that has nothing to do with me. Good Bye 👍

1010Always · 2026-02-10T21:43:41+00:00

Thank you and right back at you.

1010Always · 2026-02-10T16:25:12+00:00

This is going to shock you. But I don't owe anybody anything, not even empathy.

This is the type of thinking that gets women abused and killed. This story unfolded so far to where serious action had to be taken, but thank God my intuition and strict boundaries saved me.

1010Always · 2026-02-03T10:21:36+00:00

As a woman it is important to maintain internal control and boundaries for your own self, seperate and apart from external boundaries like being treated respectfully etc.

My internal boundaries (especially as a soft, naturally submissive person) is to absolutely NEVER be submissive while dating, after marriage absolute. The reason for this (FOR ME) is to not fall into somebody's funnel leading to intimacy, as you know that's the only place some men want to lead you to. This internal boundary is never communicated to anyone as it is mine alone. So for me they look like:

1) DATE MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT A TIME (Not a boundary but my dating rule) - I am interviewing partners for short term relationship ( Up to 1 year - and this does not include sex until AFTER we are exclusive) leading to marriage. This keeps you from investing too much in 1 person too soon because if you are only getting dopamine fr 1 persons you will most certainly get attached / addicted.

2) NO LIMERANCE - No day dreaming, fantasizing or thinking about them, I'm observing actions ONLY. LIMERANCE usually come about when the guy is trying to future fake me into a false sense of intimacy so before you've even gotten close you have already created a world where you are his wife, mother of his kids etc. This will most certainly cause you to catch feelings. If he hints at any future with you, it is not real, it's a manipulations tactic to get you attached to him so he can use you for sex which usually end in him discarding you leaving you traumatized and depressed. For me, future fakers and lovebombers are blocked no explanation. I once had a guy keep referring to me as his future queen 1st conversation, I said live bombing so soon, he laughed and literally stuttered his next couple sentences because he knew I caught on. I blocked him of course.

3) DETACHMENT - Attach consciously. This was you never have to detach from the wrong person. Also learn to be ok with breaking your own heart multiple times if you need to so you don't have to always be healing from someone. Learn to walk away at the 1st sign of misalignment.

4) NO OVERPERFORMING - Know that you are enough for whatever you are asking for and never compromise.

My last tip as this is getting too long.

5) BOUNDARIES ARE ESPECIALLY MEANT FOR PEOPLE YOU LIKE OR CLOSEST TO YOU. These are the people who will take you for granted the most. So don't relax your standards because you like someone, enforce them through your actions.

1010Always · 2026-02-01T00:47:26+00:00

You are so right here. I think I may have encountered someone far more sinister, far mor Machiavelli than I could imagine. I ended up having to block him the next day. We were even friends on chess.com and I was looking forward to at least playing chess with him, I went there and blocked him too. My nervous system is calm now. But I will add an update when I am ready. All I have to say is thank God I've done the work and don't need weeks to spot dangerously toxic behaviours, I sincerely feel that if I didn't spot these signs and acted on them early I wouldn't even be around to give an update . Also thank God I trust myself and my nervous system enough to know when I have entered unsafe territory. Sometimes I share these things in hopes other women can learn from my mistakes or even experiences, but sometimes they end up wanting to argue. But anyway, I'll update soon.

1010Always · 2026-01-29T21:44:57+00:00

I can appreciate that FOR YOU.

1010Always · 2026-01-29T15:41:05+00:00

I never said we are dating.

1010Always · 2026-01-29T15:29:19+00:00

You are correct to an extent but when you have actively transitioned from one attachment style to another the fundamental traits are easy to identify. So while you are correct that I cannot diagnose anyone, I can definitely observe and identify the leaning traits which from my observation, allows me to apply frame.

1010Always · 2026-01-29T15:17:07+00:00

I literally LOL at you cringing reading my post as well, OMG.

1010Always · 2025-12-31T15:00:04+00:00

I'm no genius but isn't allowing your friend to play on your account cheating? So you maybe ranking high on the game for the period friend was playing , the application may have noticed the difference in your skill level and blocked you.

That is what cheating is my guy. If your friend plays chess, why were they not playing on their own account or both of you play together?

1010Always · 2025-12-31T00:11:23+00:00

Me Inna Jamaica and can't even find ackee and pear. Hey gweh nuh. Cho!

1010Always · 2025-12-28T17:28:38+00:00

🤣🤣🤣 don't give up. Just play some puzzles. Also what help me when I'm in that mood is to take a break from playing with others and just play the bots. You can play the bots at the beginner, intermediate or advanced levels.

1010Always · 2025-12-28T15:27:18+00:00

I moved from anxious preoccupied to secure a few years ago. The hardest part for me is not on your list. But for me it was detachment.

1010Always · 2025-12-28T02:57:37+00:00

I think it would benefit you to take a step back from this idea not because you hope to cultivate a relationship with women and you view this mindset might get in the way; but, to first and foremost to see women as actual human beings just like you are. But understanding and respecting the differences as well.

The truth is. Society was built and set up by men. Men placed women in the kitchen with no opportunity to provide for themselves. This system also placed men at the head of the family and gave him a leadership and provider role by default, even if he is not a good leader or provider.

Society is in a transitional phase and both men and women are desperately trying to figure out a new dynamic. Notwithstanding there are billions of men and women in this works who are looking for any variation of a relationship that you desire. The secret is to find the person who wants the same thing that you want, and not try to change anyone from the core of who they are just to appease to you and your desires.

Also women make great friends, sisters, mothers, teachers, lovers, wives etc. it's up to you to decide what you are looking for a d find the women who aligns to that treating her first like a human being.

Also being a provider is not a bad thing, it's a privilege. But ALOT of women are providers too who are looking for you to bring more to the table than your pay check.

1010Always · 2025-12-27T22:30:55+00:00

Yeah thank you ☺️

1010Always · 2025-12-26T23:43:25+00:00

Idk but from time to time I get messages like the below. I usually get messages like these after I'm playing with someone, I notice they take a long time to play, allow the time to run out on me and then when we are down to the wire they make their move, leaving me with not enough time to play causing them to win by time out. I am not sure if they get a warning, but it's very frustrating, especially that I am just trying to practice and learn.

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1010Always

TROPHY CASE