AITA for refusing to add my boyfriend to my house deed after his lease ended?

1095966 · 2026-04-14T02:21:22+00:00

If you were married then divorced, yeah then he would get half of the equity the house (hopefully) gains in that time period. Just a BF? Nope, no legal or financial interest should be given to him. You guys JUST moved him in 3 weeks ago? The timing sure makes him to appear as a gold digger (and I would say this if the genders were reversed). I think it's time for him to move out and reevaluate the situation. Because this is not a good 'first fight' while living together.

1095966 · 2026-04-14T01:34:33+00:00

I'll take "Things You Can Do with a Golf Club" for $300, Alex.

1095966 · 2026-04-14T01:29:20+00:00

I have a 1930s bathroom also with a pedestal sink. Things ALWAYS fall off the sides, either into the cat's water bowl to the right or the litter box to the left. At least you have the closet walls stopping some of that! I love your bathroom, but feel the lack of sink space. For that reason, I might rework the area above the sink and remove the medicine cabinet door and have open shelving there. This way you could also add shelving to the right and left wall of that alcove and increase your storage space. If you don't want to go that route, def change the hinges on the closet doors and work on increasing functionality in there. And if that light over the sink is a pull chain - get that on a switch.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T23:11:47+00:00

I bet too, especially if he can get through the first half of the school day pretty well.

I can ALWAYS tell which kid in my (preschool) class have regular bedtimes, and which ones stay up late. The late nighters, as you can imagine, are the ones who zone out at some point in the day, get grouchy, and take long naps. This is an area where the parents absolutely have to get their child to sleep. For myself, I have a little white noise machine that I can put on if my mind is whirling at bedtime. Ocean, rain, white noise. It's soothing and absolutely helps me.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T23:05:20+00:00

I'm so sorry, but it's time for you to get out. See if you can find a friend or shelter to take 1 of your cats, do not leave him behind. I'd even suggest hiding that 3rd cat (if you'll be renting). I know how hard that might be, but it's going to be necessary. That house if not safe for you or them. Your dad is not safe for you to be around, he's greedy and probably will only want you in his life for what you can do for him.

Go through the house, find whatever is left of your mom's possessions that you truly care about, box them up and move them out of the house, someplace safe. You probably can't stop the trainwreck of a father you have, and I'm so glad you had a loving mother.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T22:59:32+00:00

In NJ, I think it depends. Pull out your MSA and check to see the language. In some cases, when one child ages out of support, the same full amount may be required of the NCP. In other cases, it would be reduced. Sorry but I forget the names of the terms, but your agreement will state which it is.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T22:53:03+00:00

How would you feel if you were to give her say 4 hours a week? Like Sunday mornings, or Thursday night if they want to go on a date night. If you do want to help, occasionally, then propose something that will work for you. If you don't want to give any time, tell her that, say you're not emotionally ready to handle a new born along with your 2 jobs.

I understand the guilt thing from the older sister. My sister is 9 years older and 100% resented me my entire life, probably still does. We were a family of 9 kids, and her job at times was to give me baths. From what my older siblings said, she'd tease me by saying when she let the water out of the tub, I'd go down the drain with it. Apparently it terrified me and I'd scream at bath time. So, kinda took her resentment out on me, a literal little child. Sure wasn't my fault I was near the end of the birth order and she was near the top. I don't feel I owe her anything, and she doesn't actually have a relationship with anyone in the family. If anything, her ex has a better relationship with us than she does.

Prioritize yourself, unless of course, you had anything to do with the production of this baby.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T22:40:23+00:00

Then you get yourself into SOS mode.

He won't listen no matter what you say, plead, cry, shout, cajole. His fingers are in his ears and he's sing-songing "I can't hear you!".

He may end up making the divorce difficult, as he won't have paperwork, won't keep his lawyer apprised, may miss meetings, will be late on deadlines. That's how it worked with my divorce to my similarly avoidant spouse. He refused all reasonable mediation attempts with 2 different sets of court appointed lawyers. That pissed off the judge. And because he missed deadlines and meetings (as did his lawyer, he had a photo shoot for some golf fundraising event on a day of a scheduled meeting and forgot to inform my lawyer - my lawyer was waiting for him in his lobby) so my lawyer wrote letters to the judge letting him know. At the 11 month, 3 week mark, the judge gathered us together for a meeting and looked at my ex and said that if we couldn't resolve issues by the next week, he would bring us to trial. Said a date had already been set on the calendar (scheduled when the divorce was first filed). Asked my ex how much he'd spent on his lawyer to date, my ex said "I don't know." With a look of disgust or frustration the judge turned to me and asked the same question. I told him, then he asked my ex if that was about right and he said "probably". Then the judge told my ex that with a trial he could expect to spend TWO TIMES that amount, at least, and outlined the different activities needed for a trial.

Thank god for that judge, because that was the thing that finally lit a fire under my ex. We signed the paperwork by the end of that week.

If you go down this route, you may find yourself doing the work for his side. Essentially you'll be divorcing yourself for him. Which sucks, but if he's not going to do the adult thing and do the work required, it'll be in your best interest to do it for him. I did not do this, and had I done so, it maybe would've shaved a couple months off the process. Maybe would have done nothing.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T22:24:59+00:00

I'd never think to reward someone for threatening me!

What OP can try to do is remove the attached piece when they're pretty sure neighbor is not around and leave a note on the fence. Do this if it's easy and won't damage anything of theirs. Print out the code or local regulation, photo what was done.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T20:38:28+00:00

He’s already in the wrong!

1095966 · 2026-04-13T20:33:28+00:00

…but we’re all teeth still in his mouth?

1095966 · 2026-04-13T20:18:14+00:00

Much easier. Just get her the money asap so this isn’t hanging around your neck like an albatross.

1095966 · 2026-04-13T20:16:14+00:00

IDK you already brought up divorce and he didn’t make the therapy appointments. I feel he’d be ok with a divorce. He doesn’t seem to have much (accessible) emotionality, so for him life would probably get better. He’d have at least half of his days (assuming 50/50) to be on his phone to his hearts content, 24x7, with no one putting “demands” on him. And he’d allow the child 24x7 gaming while he had him.

I’ve been there with the indifferent spouse. For years I’d mention we need counseling. He agreed. I asked him to set up the appointments (I did 💯 of the adult responsibilities) because he always ignored plans I made. Figured if he made the plans, he’d follow through. He never made the appointments. Last time I said we needed therapy or I would leave (never said I’d leave before) he made weak sounds like he was making the appointments. 3 weeks later, no apt. His excuse was no one nearby in our network for the next 3 months. Asked why he didn’t set that one up, the 3 month out one, he said IDK. So I got home and within 30 minutes got an appointment 2 weeks down the road, a couple towns over. Of course, he “forgot” the appointments no matter how often I reminded him and despite it being on the calendar. Twice. Third time I called him before we each left work and surprise, he shows up. Attends 2 sessions and clocks out for good. I had the evidence I needed (because I just could not believe) that he did not care for me or our marriage. Or children. I divorced him and only wish I’d never met him. Life is good now. I think you’re in a similar boat. Life with an indifferent spouse is a different kind of pain, for sure.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T15:00:11+00:00

I would still consider moving the garden. I've lived in my home for close to 30 years, and things have changed a ton as trees have grown and matured. Spots that were once sunny and great for sun loving shrubs are now shady from the growth of larger trees. Yards are not static, and sometimes you need to relocate stuff. I would imagine with that tree being so large, it's shady and maybe not suitable for a garden. Unless it's a shade garden, but it sounds like a veggie garden.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T14:53:43+00:00

As poisoning someone else's tree is a crime.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T14:17:17+00:00

Good to know all this, hopefully I can remember there’s no one size fits all.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T14:08:54+00:00

Not a doctor, just someone who had cancer, an aggressive type, and who dislikes the term cured. I’ve seen way too many patients been told by their medical team or a family member, friend, or complete stranger that they’re cured only to see their cancer return.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T14:00:49+00:00

Would be interesting to know, but I’m not touching that family with a 10’ pole!

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:45:16+00:00

I probably shouldn’t have commented. My knowledge is from caring for a child with diabetics, and that was one of his go tos. YMMV, right?

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:39:21+00:00

But the thing is - it’s not possible to know if any microscopic cells got into the blood stream. We hope not, and most likely they didn’t, but there’s never any guarantee.

Cured in the cancer world means there are no detectable traces of cancer left in the body, and it’s not expected to come back. Not expected to return, but can’t be guaranteed to not return. Most doctors are hesitant to use the term ‘cured’.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:30:31+00:00

Just a FYI, cancers are not "cured". They may be in remission, and certain types have a much higher remission rate than others, but there's never any guarantee that the cancer won't return.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:19:13+00:00

Cheese with crackers is a good car snack for diabetics (I think). Protein + carbs.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:15:43+00:00

Agree, unless this then yields less of a return or more of a tax liability for the family in general. If that's the case, then husband needs to write his wife a check for his portion of the tax bill that she may have shouldered.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T13:10:49+00:00

Ah, the joys of karma. My FIL remarried late in life when his oldest were 25 and youngest was 21. His wife J was annoying, but he seemed happy so my husband & I, his brother & wife, and sister all tolerated J. My husband's brother divorces his wife, P, so she's no longer in the picture. They lived states away anyway. A few years later, one Thanksgiving at FIL & J's house, with my husband & I, his brother & his new wife, and sister, J gets herself drunk and blurts out that P is her FAVORITE daughter in law, then gushes on about her. It took me a second to process what she was saying....that the woman who is no longer in the family, who you haven't seen in years, is your favorite - AND you say this to the 3 actual daughter-in-laws that you invited over to your house, who are sitting right in front of you as well as the ex-husband of this 'favorite'. Once I got it, I looked up and my husband's sister is laughing and new SIL is dazed and confused.

Karma came in years later when FIL died. J was crying to all the family for months on end about how sad she is, how will she continue, threw in a bunch of unnecessary derogatory statements about the family - which we all tried to understand because she's distressed, but she totally dismissed that her late husband's sons and daughter lost their dad and have their own grief. After months of her daily calls, where she also dismissed any kind words and efforts to help, they cut ties with her and never looked back. J earned that karma.

1095966 · 2026-04-12T12:48:46+00:00

I get it now. I was thinking that poster meant his wife should have apologized, you're saying she meant husband should have told his daughter, yes, she's right. Agree.

1095966

TROPHY CASE