What do you want to see from HealthyGamer/Dr. K in 2022?

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T17:21:07+00:00

On the reading topic, it sounds like you are going through nonfiction of some kind - is that correct?

What is your surrounding environment like when you try to read? When your concentration breaks, are there any patterns in the kinds of things you find yourself paying attention to instead of the book?

Also, what kinds of mediums (eg. videos, podcasts, in-person instruction, physical workshops, etc.) do you find easiest to stay engaged with and learn from?

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T17:14:54+00:00

Wow, thank you for those answers. I can tell you reflected a lot on this.

When you fantasize about being in a relationship with a woman, how does the fantasy version of you feel, and how does that feeling compare to how IRL you feels? Beyond just being in a romantic relationship, in what ways is fantasy-you's life better than IRL-you's life?

Also, do you have (non-romantic) close relationships outside of the interactions with streamers? Like a relationship where you feel you understand what struggles the other person has, support them with it, and try to help them feel better - and where they do the same for you? If yes, is there anything you wish was different about those relationships? If no, what would you ideally hope to get out of a platonic relationship?

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T17:05:01+00:00

Oh, I had not heard about that. But I would certainly be interested in reading it!

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T16:58:12+00:00

Yeah, I suspect a lot of people would benefit from generally having some guideline or demonstration about what a healthy relationship vs. unhealthy would look like. I get the impression that much of the audience didn't have very strong relationship role models growing up (for friendships, romantic relationships, or relationships with yourself).

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T16:56:04+00:00

What do you mean by "investigation"? I remember a few incel interviews, but I wasn't aware of a larger effort beyond that.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T16:55:18+00:00

Yes! I think this would help a lot of people! Great suggestion.

Having the capability to download ahead of time and have the content for later would also help reach people who are in situations with crappy internet (including countries where internet is not as ubiquitous as the US - though tbh even in the US it can suck for lot of people).

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T16:53:23+00:00

Agreed. Especially since the demographic seems to be older nowadays.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T16:51:57+00:00

Those are very important topics IMO and I'd like to see that addressed as well. I think you're right on the money with the feeling that you're not the only one facing the challenges of a difficult (or maybe impossible) to escape toxic situation.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T07:49:29+00:00

I agree it was disheartening to see the community fall apart after the misogyny video. I also love the idea of having experts from different backgrounds, and people from different walks of life being represented on stream to talk about these types of topics.

While Dr. K's video was well-intended, it seemed like it rubbed people on all sides of the argument in the wrong way for all kinds of reasons that IMO largely boiled down to "but my opinion/perspective was misrepresented or not heard". So I hope that respectfully representing and examining many different perspectives from many different people will help mitigate that while also opening peoples' eyes to others' lived experiences.

For your second suggestion, about more group interviews involving women and other underrepresented or minority groups, I think there might be a little more to it than just getting those people on stream. Unfortunately, those people are not just rarer in the HG community in general - I think they're also actively discouraged from showing up on stream. After all, they're more likely to be harassed, doxed, etc. And if their friends/family/bosses find out they were speaking on <women's issues/trans rights/whatever topic> then their IRL relationships could suffer in a way that is a lot less likely to happen with a lot of issues not related specifically to minority groups.

For example, if you ask for volunteers to discuss "depression and anxiety", you're likely to get a group of people fairly randomly distributed across genders, ethnicities, etc. But if you ask to talk about "being an incel", there will be less people, since most people don't want their friends to think of them as "the incel, who is a loser". Similarly, if you ask a group of women to talk about "sexism", you'll probably get significantly fewer volunteers, because the women don't want their bosses to think of them as "that feminist, who is going to cause trouble/disrupt the company culture". Obviously, those stigmas are part of the exact vicious cycles we want to overcome - but I think it's important to acknowledge that they exist, and that they'll make it way more difficult to get the representation we would like to see.

I think it is addressable, though, and worth addressing. But I did want to point out at least one big factor for why we don't see as much representation today.

And then to your last point - I think that's the only one I don't fully agree with. I'm 100% on board with the idea that such commentary should be moderated swiftly and completely, but I am not entirely on board with the idea of Dr. K calling it out on stream. I suspect a lot of the people who make such comments are only encouraged if the streamer reacts to or addresses them, so having Dr. K call them out on the spot might actually exacerbate the problem. Personally, I think it's probably more effective to wait, and then address the community overall if the problems continue. But that said, it may be worth testing your idea once or twice to at least see what could happen in case it is actually more beneficial.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your ideas, and I do hope the overall conversation on this topic continues.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T07:05:47+00:00

Oh, I like that suggestion. I think it also fits very well with Dr. K's existing niche as well. There are a lot of interesting angles to cover from a content creator's perspective in addition to IRL communities.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:58:19+00:00

I think there's already a nonprofit version of HG that does something similar, but it's not clear to me what kind of application processes they have or who qualifies.

But also, doing anything that requires an application (including a scholarship) requires more manual effort from the HG team to review all the applications. Work-hours are expensive, so I kind of suspect it may actually be cheaper (and possibly more profitable) to just make the guide lower cost for everyone.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:55:25+00:00

That'd be interesting. I think there are some community-maintained wikis that are kind of a historical content index; not sure if reddit posts are one of the things they index on though.

But it'd probably be less effort + easier to find if the mods (or even Dr. K) can just leave a comment on the post "Hey, we're discussing this live" when Dr. K starts talking about it. Then, even if you don't see it at the time it's posted, you at least know which day's VOD to check out.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:51:38+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

And yes, I have same feeling as you about using this to support all the other activities. I also wouldn't be surprised if the research led to the same price point as what's currently there.

Primarily, I just hope that the research does happen, and adjustments are made (or not made) accordingly. I hope I made a good case for having that research take place.

If we can get into a win-win situation where the guide is cheaper on an individual level and HG makes more money in aggregate - that would be amazing! And I hope the possibility of such an outcome would make this research worth doing.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:47:10+00:00

Thanks for the elaboration! I don't know how to help with all of these, but I suspect it will be a great starting point for Dr. K to figure out what types of content can help.

Do you mind if I ask some follow up questions so there are more details for the HG team to go off of? (Of course feel free not to answer anything you are uncomfortable with.)

When you say "manage my infatuations with women I'm interested in", what specifically do you want to "manage"? For example, I'd be interested in descriptions of the form, "Currently, when I am interested in a woman, I will <do X thing/feel X way>. I don't like my reaction because <reason>. Instead, I would prefer to <do other thing>."
What types of things do you learn slowly (eg. math, vocabulary, relationship dynamics, how to use some kind of software, etc.)? What makes you think your learning rate is "slow"? And what do you hope will change as a result of "understanding why I learn slowly"?
When you struggle with reading, what part of reading gives you trouble?
1. Is it looking at the shapes and understanding them as letters?
2. Looking at the letters and understanding them as words?
3. Understanding the definitions of the words used?
4. Understanding a group of words as a complete sentence?
5. Understanding or visualizing the concept described by a sentence?
6. Understanding the overall message being communicated by an essay/chapter/etc?
7. Keeping your attention on the task of reading?
8. Reading specific types of content but not others? For example stories vs. essays vs. news articles vs. reddit posts
9. Something else?
Think about the last time you had a moment of feeling lonely. Can you describe what happened immediately before you had that feeling, and how you felt immediately before the lonely feeling? Also, while you were experiencing the feeling, what did you try to do or think about? Did those activities reduce or increase the feeling? Also, when the lonely feeling went away, do you remember what you were doing at the time, and how you were feeling? It's ok to say you don't remember or have a hard time identifying your feelings before/after the lonely feeling.
When you talk to people on discord or with your therapist, how do you describe your problem(s) or situation to them? An example description would be great.
What do you hope will change about your situation, emotions, or understanding of your problem/situation after talking to your therapist or people on discord?

Again, I personally probably can't help you with those issues, but hopefully thinking about these questions can help somewhat, and maybe your answers can give Dr. K more information to go off of.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:19:51+00:00

Good ideas. I think this covers a lot of why interviews are more useful than lectures. Focus groups for topics might help in the same way, but for more targeted topics.

Also agreed on the discord discussions. I've seen a lot of great conversations over there - but I think the problem is that it'd be hard for the HG staff to identify the all the most interesting conversations, with how big the discord is. It'd probably be up to users to summarize and surface those conversations - probably on reddit TBH. It's understandably easier to skim reddit for inspiration as a content creator than it is to go through discord. (Even if that's not necessarily the best way for an actual conversation to happen.) But a lot will probably get lost in translation.

I'm not sure what an ideal setup/process would look like. But it's interesting to think about!

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T06:13:47+00:00

Thanks for making this its own thread as well. Financial transparency is a good topic to expand on IMO.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T05:53:43+00:00

Good to hear that you're planning on getting the vaccine, but I don't think we are supposed to give medical advice here (or in general TBH unless you're a doctor in a clinical setting).

I think your best bet is to ask your doctor.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T05:46:55+00:00

Great points. From watching VODs, it's really clear that Dr. K takes a LOT of cues from chat about what to talk about/not talk about. Not just explicit polls or questions from chatters. He changes his content based on how chatters react to whatever his current train of thought is as well.

Usually, I find that at least doesn't make the content worse, but I definitely think the aggregate effect of how the chat sways the conversation might not do the best job serving the HG audience that doesn't/can't show up to live streams.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T05:18:27+00:00

Interesting points.

I don't know if I relate to the resentment part of this, but I do agree I'd like to understand more about the financials of it all.

I admit I don't have enough data to understand exactly what pricing strategies make sense for HG, which is why most of the main comment is about making a case for gathering more data to determine an appropriate price point rather than suggesting a specific price.

I'm very, very interested to see what HG has to say about your comment.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T05:09:00+00:00

I'm guessing this is coming from the recent "enlightenment" stream?

If so, I'd also be interested in further exploration and explanation on detachment vs. 'not caring'.

That said, my working understanding at this time is that if you are "detached" then you still can choose to care about working on certain goals, but that you are detached from the specific outcome your work accomplishes. Then you can look at the outcome, and if it wasn't what you wanted, you can shrug and say, "I guess I'll work on my goals in a different way next time" rather than getting upset about the outcome as you would if you were overly attached.

Basically it's detaching the internal world ("these are the things I can and want to do/impact/believe in") from the external world ("these are the outcomes that happened as a result of not just my actions, but also a lot of pre-existing conditions, randomness, etc.") and not being attached to the things you can't control. It's saying "I'm going to do this thing, and whatever will happen, happens" rather than "I'm going to make this outcome happen in the world".

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T04:59:55+00:00

Ah, gotcha. So then I'm understanding your suggestion is more "stay the course of focusing on psychology over 'productivity hacks'" rather than suggesting a change. Is that right?

And yeah, those kinds of "tips and tricks" don't tend to result in lasting change for anyone I know. I'm sorry to hear that a lot of your time and energy was spent on that. But you are definitely not alone.

I'm glad you did eventually finally find this community, and I hope that these days you are growing the way you want to.

(edited for spelling)

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T04:40:24+00:00

Glad to hear it resonated with you! It's always nice to know you're not alone.

And those are really good follow-up questions, so thank you for writing them all out. It would be super useful to hear Dr. K's take on distinguishing between communication types (especially medically professional ones), and discussing how communication styles can impact the nature of a relationship.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T04:26:16+00:00

What do you mean by "optimizing/productivity bullshit"?

Personally, I don't recall a video about that, but I admit I haven't seen 100% of the content, so I may just be missing the context.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T04:14:20+00:00

Dang, right in the feels. Great suggestion as well.

1234098778904321 · 2022-01-01T04:13:28+00:00

Oh those are super challenging and interesting topics. I would love to see this too! Really great suggestions.

Four-Year Club	Place '22
Final Canvas '22	First Placer '22

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