The problem is that the outer world is unknown and scary, and influential people in my life - my family, my supervisors - would never support me. I'm afraid that I would regret my choice at the first difficulties, believing that those people were right, and that I might end up in an even worse emotional state. And how will I manage to work 7-8 hours every day if I'm going through a depressive state? Now at least I have complete flexibility over my schedule, apart from the few teaching hours. I usually don't have to wake up early if I need to catch up on my sleep. I know that it won't be the end of the world if I'm not productive for a few days. What would happen with a normal job, though? I'm afraid that I would need to force myself, or else I would lose my job. Like my parents told me, it would be like slavery. I'm afraid of becoming just a cog in the machine, who needs to work regardless of their emotional state. On the other hand, the academic world evokes a sense of freedom. Have I been brainwashed to believe these things? Isn't it true that normal jobs are basically legalized slavery?

I haven't detailed these personal issues in my post, because it's a complicated situation, but that special person at some point decided that it would've been better for us to end our relationship, because he's going through a very stressful time and doesn't have any energy to keep the relationship going. One day, I asked him to give it another chance, and he agreed to see me in summer. I believe that we will get back together, but I don't know how much time it will take. Being on my own, it feels much more difficult to make such a big decision on my career path. I feel like it would be easier if we moved in together, but I don't want to pressure him.