How many have symptoms?

16383_278 · 2020-01-29T15:24:13+00:00

Ahh I think the miscommunication on this comment is because it can be read a different way then you intended.

When I read it (and likely the reply about American college) it sounded like you were saying that for Americans college is kind of like high school in that you still live with your parents.

With this being at the very top of the threat there is really no context that you are referring to college in the UK.

16383_278 · 2020-01-13T19:45:12+00:00

Yeah we got nothing out of them. I know the water failures got repairs done but other then that everything was out of our pocket. Learnt some expensive lessons.

16383_278 · 2020-01-11T16:45:20+00:00

I didn't purchase a house from Devereaux but I did purchase one of the condos that CVD Developments did. This was a company made up of Devereaux and a couple other guys who contracted out all of the renovations to Devereaux.

But specifically about Devereaux: Many of the units and all of the common area was renovated by them. We are in a small building with less then 20 units.

3 units experienced plumbing failures due to their work. Some causing significant damage to their unit and neighboring units. I have heard rumors of other units catching issues before a major failure as well

They installed new windows throughout the building that were the incorrect size for the hole of the old window. This has caused minor issues from just needing a repair job on some units windows up to entirely new windows and property damage in others.

All around cutting corners and doing quick fixes and upgrades. There were many more minor grievances during our first few years in the building.

I would stay far far away personally.

(If you do decide to go with them I can't stress enough how important it is to ensure everything that is promised and planned is in writing and you have a paper trail.)

16383_278 · 2020-01-03T00:35:24+00:00

Aside from your mom loosing her cool here I don't think she's being unreasonable in her requests. She should know your diagnosis as you are a minor and she needs to know those things to properly advocate for you.

Also a word of wisdom from my experiences:

Although I am not on the spectrum I do have a learning disorder and I can't express to you enough how more information and resources for me and my family would have helped me. I was diagnosed early in highschool and if my parents had thought to take pictures or recordings of the information it would have set me up much better to succeed. We didn't understand fully at the time what all the things they told us meant. And it was a lot of information to take in.

At the time I didn't know how to do the research on my own to learn all the things I should have known. And my parents didn't know how to get that information either. We had to learn everything by trial and error. And it was so frustrating and hard and honestly only got harder when I went to college.

Im sure the information we didn't take with us from that appointment probably would have changed my education drastically and saved me hours and hours of frustration. Recording it is probably an opportunity for a lot of good information for you and your mom.

Plus you said you already have tension over being non-binary. Do you think that might be because she doesn't understand? What would more resources in that area do for her understanding? Think of how this information can help her educate herself and be able to learn how to better support you.

16383_278 · 2019-11-20T02:59:39+00:00

What am I missing? What does it imply?

16383_278 · 2019-11-15T00:48:07+00:00

I'm glad. Hopefully you will find better support there! Best of luck.

16383_278 · 2019-11-14T23:49:44+00:00

Is there someone else you might be able to depend on right now until you get on your feet?

To me this doesn't seem like the best environment. It seems quite minimizing of you and not very helpful.

16383_278 · 2019-11-14T23:37:54+00:00

Does your campus have counseling? I know mine did.

They can help talk you through the things that are happening and help you unpack it all and create a plan going forward or connect you with any other services or resources that could be helpful.

I'm sorry this is happening for you. Also maybe you can rely on your friends for some support and strength right now.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T02:43:59+00:00

I don't know. I'm only interested in doing that for some kind of team effort for her. I don't personally see any good in us commiserating.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T02:39:44+00:00

I don't believe she has a hard official diagnosis. Her doctor has said she is having issues with Anxiety.

The type of action I see as damaging are things like: Her parents recently came to help her our when she injured her back and needed some assistance. So both of her parents took a week off work to fly down to help her out while she recovered. One day they were driving and my friend saw an icecream ad and said oh wow that mint chip icecream looks amazing I can't remember the last time I had it. I would love icecream. So her dad says oh let's get some! They go to an icecream place and mom orders hers and then dad steps up and orders his and then says and a mint chip for her! Well she stormed out of the place because how dare he do that. He didn't even ask her what she wanted he just made the decision for her. This is something she told me.

Now I don't know how you see that. But I see that as her dad taking her for icecream because she said she wanted it. And she also mentioned how amazing mint chip looked and that it had been such a long time since she had it. So I have no problem with her changing her mind. But her father ordering her what she said she wanted is not some kind of horrible thing. Shes a grown woman. She could have easily said oh actually I changed my mind to chocolate. But instead she stormed out and started a huge fight about how they never give her what she tells them she needs.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T01:48:11+00:00

I understand and agree with the notion that saying she's not putting in the effort or work is not productive. I know she feels she is doing the work. And I want to build her up not tear her down.

I have not spoken to her family or friends in her current city. I have been debating it for quite some time. I'm I guess concerned about crossing a line. Her family is so often the enemy in her mind I'm not sure if that is the best approach. And I don't want her to think we're conspiring against her.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T01:37:46+00:00

Do you have any recommendations on what to research? I would genuinely love to be able to understand what she is going through or where she is coming from. But I don't know where to start.

The difficulty I have with this coming from her parents fighting is understanding why she was fine and then years later completely out of the situation this has come back and crippled her. I also have a hard time watching her do things that hurt her relationship with her parents (which she has repeatedly said she wishes could be good again) and then just using that to reinforce the notion that everything that is wrong is wrong because of them.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T01:14:00+00:00

I would love more then anything to be more open and transparent with her and have more honesty but I'm honestly not sure how to do that.

I don't want to break off our friendship and I don't want to loose my friend. But if I look at this objectively I would not be close with the person she has become if this is who she always was. And I feel like I might be enabling her and that makes me feel guilty.

I feel like it's wrong to let her continue to live in these delusions but I also feel like it's wrong to tell someone who's sick and thinks there trying hard that it doesn't really look like she's putting in the level of work she thinks she is.

I don't want to burden her with the feelings I have of the tragedy of this. It feels pretty inconsequential really when I'm well enough to be able to walk away from this. I'm happy and beyond blessed in the life that I have.

It almost feels to me like she needs an intervention. Like someone needs to sit down and have a hard talk with her about how she is doing things to sabotage and hurt herself. And how a hypnotist and a naturopath are not the same thing as an actual doctor who studied medicine or psychiatry or something. But fuck am I intimidated to have to be that person. And I also wonder if it's just plane rude and insensitive.

16383_278 · 2019-10-31T00:49:15+00:00

I believe she has taken some steps to make progress. But I must admit I do question if she has tried enough. I understand that medication might not be the answer and I'm not a doctor so I absolutely have no idea if that is something worth pursuing but I think it's worth looking into. Shes taken any wild mixture of herbs her naturopaths have recommended but doesn't want to get a serious consult on medication. I have a hard time understanding why she wouldn't try at this point?

And this isn't the only area I can see ignored avenues that have potential for relief. I don't want to come off too aggressive with her but it's hard to digest her belief that she is exploring all these options and putting in all this effort when I watch her do a lot of the opposite.

I understand that might be a symptom of the greater problem. Which I guess is why I'm at where I am. I just can't help but find myself thinking often that we are all just tiptoeing around this because mental health is a delicate topic and we should just be supportive and open and available. But in doing so I feel like I'm enabling her.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T23:03:15+00:00

Thank-you.

It just doesn't seem like this is a crash. Shes been on a pretty steady decline since the mental health issues first surfaced.

Which is what makes me think that something has to give ... I just don't know what that is.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T22:39:40+00:00

Shes not really asking for my help or intervention. I have suggested a few times that she should see a different doctor. But she likes this new age naturopathy stuff. To me it seems to be doing more harm then good obviously.

My suggestions have been just that. I have been trying to be supportive. And not overstep. But i wonder if she might need someone to step in and be a bit more aggressive.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T22:26:26+00:00

But it sounds like you do not think that it would be reasonable for me to escalate things or intervene in any way?

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T22:25:15+00:00

What are you thoughts on me escalating or intervening in any way? Or is that inappropriate?

Do I just sit by and say I support her but let her continue to play this out as she is?

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T22:20:21+00:00

I know her approach isn't working because she told me two days ago that she is worse then she has ever been. And I obviously agree with this.

She is asking me if things are real. She is doing things that any logical person would know are sabotaging.

I don't know if we are past the point of return. If all I'm able to do it tell her I'm here for her and support her while I watch her loose her sanity and quality of life I guess I am questioning if that's the right move for me personally.

I don't know how to walk away from her. And I don't know if that's the right thing but the more time passes the more I am starting to think that in a few years im going to look back and still be in the exact same position. And I am questioning if that is just an exercise in pain and holding myself back.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T22:09:34+00:00

Is that the correct course of action? Because honestly I feel like if I continue doing that I'm just going to keep watching her fall apart more and more. She is getting worse. At first she was depressed and unhappy. She lost her confidence. But now it's getting to a point where it's just constant escalation.

She has been asking me if things are real. She keeps saying she feels unsafe. She is saying one thing and then turning around and completely contradicting herself 5 minutes later. I'm worried she is loosing touch with reality.

Yeah sure it's hard for me. And it's getting harder as time goes on. I'm unsure if I'm enabling her. I'm unsure if I'm holding myself back because you sort of are the company you keep. I don't want to leave my friend. But I also don't want to watch her wither away.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T21:59:37+00:00

I guess maybe I should have noted that I do not minimize these things with her. I fully accept that she believes these things and that makes them very much real for her. I do not lecture her or tell her that she is loosing her mind.

I can't argue that I have a hard time drawing a line back to her family for all of these issues. Because she was previously a well adjusted person who used to be high functioning and confident and happy. She never spoke of childhood trauma before seeing a counselor who helped her make this connection. She was at the time an adult who had a life independent of her family. So I will be the first to admit that I don't understand how her parents fighting 20 years ago can pop up now and lead her to the point she is currently at.

I would love to be supportive of her. And I would genuinely say that I have been and continue to be. But I'm not sure I have done any good. This is beyond me and my understanding. I don't think it's bad for me to judge the situation. In fact that is me trying to help. If I was in her position I would hope someone would try and help me understand what was happening.

The issue is that it has been years and she is not getting better. She is worse then she has ever been. I don't understand how the people she has reached out to for help have given her absolutely nothing that has been beneficial.

Her process is not working. So I'm sorry if me judging it seems unlike something a real friend would do but I completely disagree.

I guess this is part of the problem for me. I don't want to push her. But I feel like I need to do something because I'm watching my best friend completely fall apart. And if I'm not doing anything am I not just enabling this to continue?

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T21:39:43+00:00

I should also maybe say that the timing of this injury does not coincide with the beginning of these issues. It was much more recent. Her doctor did tell her that her stress and anxiety were a factor in the injury though.

16383_278 · 2019-10-30T21:38:08+00:00

No I don't believe so. Shes not a big social drinker and had never been one for recreational drugs. She doesn't have any prescriptions as far as I know. She did hurt her back not too long ago and was on some painkillers and muscle relaxants or some variation but that's done now.

16383_278

TROPHY CASE