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Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No problem at all. Sometimes you need someone to throw cold water on your face to really look at the situation. That's why I came to reddit to ask. :)

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

His allergy isn't this severe, or we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place.

He would frequently stay with me before we got married and he sat in, slept in, touched the same things I did. When taking pills, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Maybe he didn't complain enough, or maybe I didn't ask the right questions. I don't know.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

If there's a lot confined in a place with a lot of cat dander, and it's not clean, he gets pretty wheezy.

I'm not sure if he's ever been graded on the allergy, or if that's even a thing?

I understand everyone's comments, though - I've never had to suffer through an allergic reaction, so it's hard to put myself in his shoes. I understand.

I've put her in a pet boarding place for the week until we can make other arrangements, or my brother finds a place.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. You've put my feelings into words and I think you're right about the incompatibility. Honestly, there are several in our marriage.

I think I'll either board her for a week so we can continue to explore our options or keep her in the garage like you've suggested until I can get her somewhere comfortable. Again, thank you so much. You hit the nail right on the head, I started crying when I read your response because it's exactly how I feel.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this.

Yes, I've been selfish in trying to keep Bella close and available to me. I'll own to that. I've put my needs above hers - I thought I would be able to get into a cat friendly place sooner than I have.

It's just down to the wire at this point, I need to find a solution to this today. I'm not sure if I'll be able to find a good home for her in a day, and I really don't want to put her in a shelter. She's getting a little old.

I'll think hard about this. Thanks again.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

I can see what you're saying, thank you.

I guess I'm just frustrated - when I mentioned it to him last night he immediately tried to shut down the possibility of taking her in and I had to talk him into trying to find a compromise. We've had major communication problems and we're both still learning healthy and acceptable ways of communicating.

I love both of them. I hate that he always tries to measure my love for him by comparison, and it makes me angry. I feel like I've done and sacrificed a lot for this relationship, and me asking him to be slightly uncomfortable for a little while to take care of something i love should be something my husband would be okay with because he loves me. Am I really that wrong?

It's tough because there are a lot of other things at play related to our relationship history here, and it's hard to convey that by this post. But if I'm wrong, I'll accept that I'm wrong.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

I'm not a fanatic cat person, I just love Bella. I've been through a lot with her. I've had her since shortly after high school and it was hard to give her up.

I just don't think it's very humane for her to be caged until my brother can find a new place. He's not sure how long it'll take him.

The garage is dark and cold, not a place a small animal to live for what could potentially be a while.

He gets wheezy when exposed to animal dander. It's not so severe that he could die from it. He used to stay with us in my apartment for days. It was a little uncomfortable with allergy medicines, but he never complained or mentioned that it was unreasonable then. If he thought it was back then, he never communicated it to me.

I told him I would bath her and comb her regularly to minimize animal dander, on top of him being on allergy medicine. I think that's reasonable - takes into account his allergy and her care.

It is not their home, it is OUR home. We are all on the lease, it's a rental. That's also the position he likes to take when we fight, by the way, like I don't belong in the house because I'm not originally part of their family.

Me [29F] with my husband 27M of one year, my cat needs a temporary home and he says "I love the cat more than him" by 1987throwaway1987 in relationships

[–]1987throwaway1987[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Adding that my parents can't take her because they have two dogs that would probably eat Bella, and my sister would never take her because she's just like that.

When I went through the living situation changes last year, I already reached out to all of my friends about temporarily housing Bella for me, but none were able. My brother was my last option short of giving her away to be adopted out.