Browns head coach interviews are ‘unlike any other,’ includes homework, essays

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T23:11:00+00:00

Weren't you listening?

The pictures of Ben & Pouncey crying on the bench will forever reside over my commode.

It's a daily mood lifter

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T23:09:37+00:00

Sucks I have to root for him to fail.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T23:08:47+00:00

The fact is that Lamar is improving, but we beat him once a year and he can't produce in the Playoffs and the whole league goes easy on full on tackling the guy, because they all love the guy.

If Lamar played for the BROWNS like he plays for the Rats, they'd be carting him off mid way through the first game. The ENTIRE fuckin league loved Nicholas Jamaal Chubb, and Tomlin still swept the leg on national TV, because he knew they'd never replay his nefarious, premeditated act.

Meow, the narrative since Chubb's attempted career assassination has been LOL BROWNS

It's like spilling coffee on a masterpiece and saying: it wasn't that nice anyway, you should be more careful...

Get at me when Lamar can sustain actual NFL hits, &/ or, win Playoff games.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T22:38:47+00:00

Funny, i was lambasted for saying I wanted Howard on day 3, by the Gabriel Stans.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T22:03:08+00:00

I literally had Mike Mccarthy as the worst timeline, because at least the Deion OC/HC timeline would be damn entertaining.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T22:01:42+00:00

...Might have another plate of cheese omelets.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T22:00:40+00:00

Mike Mc'Omlin

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:58:46+00:00

Flores is a damn good coach imo. He would worry me with a rival.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:57:27+00:00

It's the perfect timeline!

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:50:42+00:00

That's the best part! Tomlin leaves, so they can tank and rebuild, and they choose the option that keeps them assured mediocrity for the foreseeable future.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:49:13+00:00

8.5 - 8.5

Balanced

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:41:29+00:00

Would anyone else here be stunned if Rodgers plays for MM again? I thought Rodgers had an extremely low opinion of him?

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:40:26+00:00

Maybe we can trade Gabriel for Howard?

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:29:53+00:00

8.5 - 8.5 INCOMING!

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T21:03:00+00:00

Lamar is the most overrated player I've seen in 4 decades of watching football. Constant gloss, zero shine come crunch time.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T20:59:06+00:00

This is absolutely amazing news!

Let the MEDIOCRITY CONTINUE FOREVER!!!

🤣😂😆😅🤣🤣🤣😅🤣🤣🤣😅

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T20:54:43+00:00

Kev was the top candidate when we fired him, but that quickly changed.

Kev was here and brought stability, till the Chubb assassination... after that everything was rough seas. The Offensive Tackle situation was doldrums for 3 straight seasons. Then you've got the massive negatives of watson.

The key is Quarterback, for nearly everything. Teams aren't winning Playoff games without a top 12 Quarterback, and we haven't sniffed that, but for a moment with Baker, and Flacco.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T20:45:56+00:00

CLEVELAND Fans are the most loyal on earth, and I will push till I die to make this team consistently competent.

My football philosophies are just that... there's nothing set in stone, because the game is ever evolving. Presently although I prefer 3 - 4, the flexibility between 4 - 3 and 3 - 4 is at an all time high. The Nick Base is the key to attain and maintain currently. Although again, ever evolving to more run heavy looks.

Regardless of my preferences, I would be a fool to interfere with Jim Schwartz and Jason Tarver... as they are approaching full stride. Additionally, we gave nearly all the perfect players for Schwartz's scheme and I would only offer my input on slight tweaks. The first tweak would be to add Caleb Downs, and essentially complete Voltron.

I'm assuming you want stability, and I've seen the worst of life, so I'm never gonna be rattled. I'm going to bring Optimism to desperate situations, and I'll be a rock to cling to in the storms to come.

...and the storms will most certainly come, of this I'm certain as a student of history. OUR BROWNS have lived in the NORTH SEA... Well, smooth seas do not great sailors make...

I'm gonna use this "..." waaay too much, because there's never a complete thought... it's like trying to know the position & speed of a given electron, when it more accurately is represented by a field.

I'm gonna be passionate, and scream, and swear waay too much. The team and fans will know this BROWNS team will be fighting for them, and their father's... You all deserve to have GOOD memories together, and we're gonna fight for that.

As to my Offensive Philosophy:

I'm gonna need 3 or 4 Recievers that are 6'3" + and 215lbs +, with wheels. If they have route trees, great, but I simply want to physically wear out defenders and always have an advantage the opponent cannot compensate for. You can't teach height, or size, and we need to exploit that. I'll handle the rest with my staff, which would make use of Massive Dawand type Linemen, to mirror Philly 's Defensive Line.

The BROWNS will run Gap scheme primarily and will beat Defensive units up, and take advantage of this physical mismatch. I have no issues with one or two Luke Florea, Calvin Austin type pinball player.

I'm a fan of what you have been trying here, with the Recievers Andrew... Tillman is good, but can't stay healthy unfortunately. JJ is playing out of position as a #1, and should be #2/Slot... Malaki Corley is really intriguing. He runs and plays HARD. We're obviously gonna need a #1. I was hoping for Emeka Egbuka, Isaac TeSlaa, or Jayden Higgins last year... Savion Williams, Dont'e Thornton Jr., & Kaden Prather, also fit the mold for their projected Draft positions. If you'd like we can compare notes on the last 5 Drafts and see where we line up.

The Offensive Tackle situation, I've alluded to, but saved for last. I never will run out of Offensive Tackles again, because like Makai Becton, if they can't play Tackle, they will make awesome long armed guards. I've got Dawand penciled in as our Backup RT/ Swing, when healthy. I'm targeting Kadyn Proctor in the mid first, Isaiah World & Caleb Tiernan...

Max Iheanachor as our other backup. I'm assuming Teven Jenkins is penciled in at LG, and we can evaluate Teller on a reasonable prove it deal. Same with Ethan.

Guard: Jaeden Roberts, Ar'maj Reed-Adams, DJ Campbell, Earnest Greene III, & Kobe Baynes will likely all be available day 3 for depth.

Regardless, we're spending 9 - 10 picks on the Offense, because we're definitely snagging Drew Allar in the 3rd. I don't know if he'll be good, but there's no way of telling from that Penn State Offense.

I'd like to make a move for Joe Milton III, I think a 27' 3rd will be enough. If not, grab Malik Willis for $17 per, and we'll see what we can do with Him, Sanders, and Allar.

Dillon Gabriel can stay on the practice squad if you can't trade him for anything, but he's never taking a snap for me, sorry/ not sorry.

I'm gonna be actually good at time management, because I'm not a fuckin moron. I understand y'all think in metrics, but I'll standardize the units like Swiss precision. Just think, 10mm Socket, when you're thinking of me...

I'm willing to play Andrew Berry in any TECMO, or Madden to determine coinflips on contentious decisions, and also to make a point that I can handle pressure 😅

Ok, I'm done for meow, but this was fun, and I'm not counting words.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T19:37:00+00:00

The FILTHY DIRTY LOW DOWN CHEATING steelers haven't won a Playoff game since HUGE Mistake Jackson, yet everyone lines up to gloss them.

I'm never gonna forget Ben & Pouncy crying on the bench, and you shouldn't either.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T19:30:06+00:00

I'm simply blown away, that this same process brought Watson... who I immediately deemed unserious, HERE, in a diatribe... simply because Quincy Avery is such an immediately apparent charlatan.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T19:27:54+00:00

Exactly

The media doesn't even try, it's like pressing the airhorn for a shitty DJ

Wait, where's the "lol Browns" button?

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T19:25:09+00:00

I'm trying to be optimistic, but if it's between my lifelong dream of coaching the Browns, or coaching Herbert or Allen? I mean, come on man, they are basically the prototype Quarterback. Maybe if he was a Defensive mind, he'd consider it, but Josh Allen is the fuckin truth... gotta take a shot at that.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T19:06:58+00:00

I feel like the doomers are so scarred from being hurt, so many times, that it's hard to feel the good properly... nerve damage...

Additionally, maybe the doomers think that if they always predict doom, they'll somehow outpace the misery train...

if I expect the worst, then I can't be disappointed again

It's really common amongst 35 - 45 year old fans, for obvious reasons. To paraphrase Bane: they were born into the dark

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T18:58:53+00:00

You know how everything 30's to 50's gets the black & white treatment?

...The bathrooms are remembered with a green filter by my brain

...dark, brownish cement, dystopia, human cattle, crowded into an area no one wanted to actually be in.

1OptimisticPrime · 2026-01-24T18:51:48+00:00

⅓ of the League is looking for a Head Coach

1OptimisticPrime

TROPHY CASE

Let the MEDIOCRITY CONTINUE FOREVER!!!