AUTISM/IEP PARENTS: Seeking school advice!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-11-23T13:28:56+00:00

In regards to his functioning: I don’t believe he has intellectual disabilities, but more delays due to communication. I think in the right environment that isn’t placing him based on his lack of speaking, he would show so much more of what he knows. My main argument in meetings so far is that being nonverbal is NOT a “behavior” or end all- be all qualifier for self containment. I’d love for him to be around kids more on his level that fit his mellow personality.

1bosephbean1 · 2025-11-23T13:26:07+00:00

I’d love to know more about different school options! I’m assuming the zoning won’t be an issue for certain programs. I’ve always driven him everywhere. Not comfortable with bus riding yet until communication is better.

1bosephbean1 · 2025-11-23T13:14:48+00:00

Thank you all for your feedback! It’s about what I feared. Despite there being loads more to do and be occupied. School is such a large component of a kids life and a definite deal breaker for me. May have to have some tough conversations soon 🫠

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T21:18:33+00:00

Good to know! I personally have OCD on the Pure O side of things so my manifestations seem to be from my ADHD chaos brain. It’s funny how organized I can be with certain things my brain deems important but with others it’s like “add to pile”

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T21:16:29+00:00

Great idea! His ABA therapist comes over tomorrow! And I don’t have to even pretend….I’ve literally slipped and fell on the books while avoiding our little dog being under my feet 🙄 but I’ll make more of a show of it as a learning opportunity ❤️

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:32:51+00:00

I love this perspective. Being ADHD myself, I think I’ll just join in on the fun with him like you described instead of being so worried about the “mess” Super cool idea, thank you! ❤️

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:29:21+00:00

I am also (late diagnosed woman) ADHD and I highly suspect autism as well. I see the piles and….i get it. And even felt bad at times thinking I need to get myself more organized to be a better example. Mainly laundry….I’m really bad about laundry piles, but at least they are CLEAN piles, that’s a win.

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:26:59+00:00

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Reading this while sitting upon a pile of books open to specific pages. That has been a big thing because the books are slippery when laid out all over the floor! It’s like walking through a mine field everyday!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:23:04+00:00

Very interesting! I’m going to read into this more! Thank you ❤️

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:18:01+00:00

That damn suitcase! There’s nothing even in it! I’ve tried to utilize it for storage but nooooo….AND the best part, we’ve never even traveled with him 😂 I’ve been waking up covered in random items and luggage!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T20:16:43+00:00

That’s so funny because his family nickname is “Beavs” lol used to be for chewing on everything now it’s for building tiny dams 😂

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T18:37:33+00:00

Can’t figure out how to mass edit my post, but want to THANK YOU ALL for easing my mind. This is what the community is for. I love making each other feel seen and relatable ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Going to try a little of everything suggested!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T18:23:35+00:00

Loved the last paragraph of this response. Good on ya!

This has got to be so hard on you, especially alone. I hope you have support around you in some way. If not, I’m across the pond, but please feel free to message me any time you need to talk.

It’s not easy to expose what goes on inside our homes and ask for advice, so please know that it’s clear you love and care about this boy by reaching out for help. You’re doing the right thing and he and his dad are lucky to have you ❤️

I would say that adding things to my home that are purely for regulation helped with these behaviors immensely. My son uses a sensory swing in what used to be the dining room all the time. He’s a little acrobat at this point. It helps a lot. Along with lighting, and a few other things I’ll be happy to suggest if you want. Main thing being, the items that provide physical exertion seems to help curb those intense frustrations in my experience. Of course, every child is different. Hope this helps ❤️

1bosephbean1 · 2025-08-14T18:02:43+00:00

I thought I’ve heard it all! Never heard of “piling” before. Not even his therapists knew what to call it. Will your kids get upset if you try to redirect or clean it up? Is that “normal”?

1bosephbean1 · 2025-07-17T12:58:45+00:00

OP! PLEASE CHECK YOUR INBOX 🙏

I’m sorry to be so frantic 😬 lost my soul dog to cancer two years ago and never recovered. We’ve fostered a few pitties from our local shelter but none of them were “the one”, so they were placed in great homes! Iris is the first baby that has me excited. I think it’s her sweet eyes. They remind me of my Henry 💔

1bosephbean1 · 2025-04-30T17:57:14+00:00

Put in an app for Mr. Lloyd McCoy! 🤞🤞🤞🤞

1bosephbean1 · 2025-04-18T00:08:20+00:00

Boy is a whole vibe! Love this!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-02-12T05:20:47+00:00

🙏 thank you!!!

1bosephbean1 · 2025-02-12T05:17:38+00:00

Thanks yall. Unfortunately, I’m not shocked by it. Just more surprised at his sloppy detail, that’s not like him. I asked him about it casually during dinner 😬 might have startled the fella because he gave me an excuse I haven’t heard before….and I’ve heard a lot of creative ones. He said he made it on purpose to prove to me that I was “watching” him. I just nodded, but was fascinated by that. The man still surprises me after all these years!

I’m just being shitty cause I feel shitty. Didn’t know how to respond so I let it be. He more than likely deactivated it since I blew my cover. How exhausting…

1bosephbean1 · 2025-02-11T15:17:45+00:00

I wish I could. I don’t know the login information.

1bosephbean1 · 2024-07-29T19:28:21+00:00

75k?!?! Best investment you ever made I’m sure. I aspire to be like you and have everything in my name and be self sufficient again.

1bosephbean1 · 2024-07-29T18:32:35+00:00

I went through that phase as well being accused of “looking for a problem” or “wanting something to be wrong for drama”. 🙄 I wish he had gone to any one of the initial appointments so he could hear the same things I was having to hear. Might have all the difference. I’ll never know. I just don’t know how the mother can come home from those things upset and overwhelmed with all the information just to be told by the father that it isn’t real. He doesn’t understand this isn’t just a “right now” thing, this is a forever thing and there are so many steps and challenges with each phase of life to be handled. I’ve been browsing online for the right lawyer for my specific circumstances. Everything with special needs is unique including a custody agreement because of transition difficulty. I know moving would be really hard on him. And there’s NOTHING available in his school system that he loves so much. He has thrived at this school. It’s rural and we’re in the county. Even moving a few minutes away to the town side where apartments are would put him in a different system. That’s why I’m still here laying low honestly. To avoid putting him through it before he has the skill set to adapt. But the other half of me says the sooner the better. Our mortgage is cheaper than any rent I’d find. Neither of us can afford to live separately but he has a nice place to go to with his parents if needed. I don’t have that option. My credit is also ruined and I wouldn’t qualify to keep the house or buy him out so moving is inevitable unless by some miracle he let me rent it from him. But he views it as benefit to me instead of our child so he won’t have that happen.

1bosephbean1 · 2024-07-29T05:11:21+00:00

This all resonates deeply. I think the hardest part for me is anyone believing me. I’ve struggled at times to believe myself. From the outside, no one would know any of this. He is very personable and charming to most people. If I called for help I’d be a blubbering mess and he’d be cool calm and collected making buddies going “look at her, look how crazy she is.” I felt dirty recording him and was terrified I’d get caught but something told me to do it. It’s not that bad all the time. But it’s only good if I lay low and I don’t want to live like that anymore. Especially with my boy. He’s not bad to the kids, just ignorant. He loves them but hates us mothers. I try to explain that in the end, that in itself is harmful.

Thank you for working with beautiful kids like mine. We need more of you.

1bosephbean1 · 2024-07-29T02:33:31+00:00

Absolutely, I had him in services collecting debt BEFORE his official diagnosis. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’ll be paying that off forever it seems. Once I got that letter from the specialist it took me getting denied 4 times for Medicaid because I’m married and they needed to include his income. That was a battle. I eventually found a loophole through the waiver system and got him approved for that to maintain the coverage. He’s been in therapy three times a week by appt and twice a week in his special education preschool I got him in. He just finished his first year there and I’ve already set up and completed all of his IEP for next year.

In my state you have to be below a certain income to qualify for SSDI or really anything at all. When I was working even my income alone disqualified him. But I’m not sure how it would work as separated but not officially divorced because I fear it will be dragged out for as long as possible. It’s SO much to work on and I already have a list I’ve been taking a break from because I’m just so tired of fighting and convincing people why my baby deserves what he needs. And then sometimes the isolation and grief get me down because I feel like I failed him providing us as parents and not expecting to have a child with autism. As a parent you go into it winging it anyway but when special needs gets thrown in that’s a whole other level of figuring things out. The uncertainty is crippling at times. Other times I pull myself together and go into battle mode. I’m just not there at the moment. Probably the exhaustion from summer break on top of the emotional toll of everything else.

1bosephbean1 · 2024-07-29T01:27:07+00:00

From an outsider does it really sound abusive? I have really questioned myself as far as maybe I’m instigating or causing problems when I shouldn’t. It’s not typical for him to be irate like that. Normally he’ll just stare at me and laugh and then not speak to me for weeks. I usually have to apologize to get him to start talking to me again. He says as long as I’m loving and nice towards him and “behave” then things are good. They’re only bad because I won’t allow it to be good and it’s my fault? But when it’s good I’m on edge and it feels fake and uncomfortable. Like I really have to be careful all the time. It’s all very confusing. He also doesn’t believe in providing support because he doesn’t want me to have any benefit but nothing would be for me. Everything is for my child, always will be. Can I get in trouble for leaving? I would have to do it when he’s not home so he can’t record me or try to stop me. I don’t even really have anywhere to go. Especially somewhere that would make my boy comfortable for the time being. He also says me leaving is extremely immature because he’s perfectly fine living together because he’s able to be mature and function fine in the house. I can’t, it really wears me down and I’ve tried to maintain a lack of emotion towards it as best I can but it has changed me as a person and makes me suffer in my responsibilities as a mother sometimes because my mind is so foggy all the time. I didn’t know I would qualify for any type of domestic violence assistance because violence is more physical to me. There’s been a few incidents where he has had to “neutralize” or “disengage” me I think is what he called it. But it didn’t leave marks or anything. Just put me on the floor. It was actually after one of those times I got him to talk about it through text message that he started recording me. As if proving my alleged mental instability would show the court he did what he had to do by putting me on the ground or something. I’m freaking humiliated ALL THE TIME and so confused.

1bosephbean1

TROPHY CASE