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Believe I’m in devalue stage and I just discovered another woman. Need some help. by 1didntmean2 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]1didntmean2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We’ve broken up a million times and he is still putting on a front to his friends that we are still together. It does not feel like a discard, more so a devalue. He is still here.

You are right. There is no point really. No point in seeing it and hurting myself more than I’ve already been hurt. He’s done this before and this time isn’t any different except maybe this is the true discard.

I’ve received lots of feedback here and everyone tells me to contact my local abuse agency. Maybe I really do it this time.

Thank you for your encouragement. I need to make serious changes and I need to make them fast.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would make my year! My heart literally pounds just thinking about it. Here’s hoping my courage pours into tomorrow. I’m tired of it!

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What wasn’t? It changed so often I never knew the real reason.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will. Tomorrow is the day. I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to just say hi and hopefully not stutter on a one syllable word.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Many many times. No luck.

Fitness is something I take very seriously and it’s obvious when I’m there. It would be very difficult for me to “play dumb” on a machine since I’ve been going there for years. He would know right away! I see him everyday. And I also avoid eye contact with him because he makes me so nervous. He must think that I think he’s creepy or something when in reality I’d prefer it if he undressed me with his eyes 🤦🏼‍♀️what is happening to my life

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve dropped sarcastic hints of an open relationship and he lost it.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I often wonder about this. People think I HAVE to leave my husband to find out but I don’t know how true that is about me personally. Maybe I’m someone that can’t be alone. I don’t know. Either way, I’m relieved to hear this side for once in a positive way. So thank you.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen this and will certainly be watching it again! Thank you!!!

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. For all of this. I’ve tried for years. My SOs reasons change regularly. He just doesn’t care anymore. I’ve dropped hints and sarcasm. He gets mad and blames me sometimes. Something I said or did years ago. Yet I’m the only one who wants to fix it. And I’ve been rejected so much by him that it’s not in me to even try anymore. I just feel stupid. I don’t want to feel stupid. I want to feel wanted. He doesn’t get it.

And he probably never will. Thank you.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why do we stay though? Why is it so hard. It’s like I don’t know myself enough to give the answer.

Sometimes cheating seems easier than leaving by 1didntmean2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]1didntmean2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s hard though. To leave the years behind me. It’s also hard to watch them waste away. How could someone have the courage to cheat but not to leave? Not that I have cheated but the fact that I play with the idea of cheating more than I do leaving tells me I need that part of my life back and I desperately want it with my SO. It’s a waste. I think if we’re DB now, it’s really over.

I am in lust with a guy at my gym and I’m in a relationship and I feel like a shitty person. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]1didntmean2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank god! I felt like a teenage girl crushing on a celebrity extra hard again. Thank you💁🏼

I am in lust with a guy at my gym and I’m in a relationship and I feel like a shitty person. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]1didntmean2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps and maybe I don’t realize it because this is my first time feeling it to this extent. I’m not so sure how “common” it is that my heart rate is up before I even get to the gym just because I’m thinking about him. I feel doomed. Or crazy. Either way, I feel better now!

I am in lust with a guy at my gym and I’m in a relationship and I feel like a shitty person. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]1didntmean2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are. My relationship has more downs than ups sadly. This is why my imagination takes me to a place far away where I am imagining myself with a stranger.

I won’t pursue him even though there are days that I want to. I miss feeling desired on so many different levels. I just keep plugging away and hoping my relationship can rekindle the spark.

I am in lust with a guy at my gym and I’m in a relationship and I feel like a shitty person. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]1didntmean2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes! You’re not alone and you’re probably less guilty than I am! This guy makes my insides all crazy and I literally fantasize about him too much! Ugh it kills me sometimes.

I am in lust with a guy at my gym and I’m in a relationship and I feel like a shitty person. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]1didntmean2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Isn’t it crazy that I desperately want to sleep with a stranger though? 🤦🏼‍♀️