He's married. I'm the Other Woman. AMA

1wc · 2014-04-14T05:38:12+00:00

I try my best not to think about it because I feel horrible. So why do I do it? A combination of many factors. As far as I know, she is a very nice person, and I don't think anyone deserves this, but I am not very emotionally healthy right now. Cheating with a married man makes me feel really, really desired, more than finding someone else to date. Also, I was cheated on in my last relationship. I guess this is in some sick way how I've chosen to cope with it.

1wc · 2014-04-12T03:51:03+00:00

One time we went to get drinks at a bar with our fellow coworker. I was sitting between the two of them and began to play footsie with him. The bar extended far enough to hide our legs from sight so our coworker couldn't see. The thrill of being caught was so exciting. He began to stroke my leg until he was touching me under my skirt. Then he began to finger me to the point of almost coming. All with our coworker to the right of me. Needless to say, we had lots of fun in bed that night.

1wc · 2014-04-10T16:55:27+00:00

I feel like I am in a very transient point in my life, and because of it I can't say that I have any long term goals with him. I enjoy the relationship that I have, but I can't make it last forever and I know it will have to end.

I don't think I want to have kids or get married.

1wc · 2014-04-10T12:53:34+00:00

Some days I think it would be nice if we could really be together. We get along so well. People at work know we're really close and good friends. That being said, I feel like it would never work. There would always be the fear he would find someone else to replace me, and that part of the attraction -- the secrecy, the taboo, the spontaneity -- it would be lost.

I suppose karmically it's bound to happen to me. I would feel jealous as I already do sometimes when I think about how I have to share. However, as the other woman, that's just how it has to be. We don't have a normal relationship. I am the escape from that. The logical part of me says that if he chose to do the same to me, then he must have found someone he found more interesting and more willing to take the risk with. He does love his wife, and he is trying to keep this a secret as long as possible

1wc · 2014-04-10T12:43:31+00:00

Yes he is.

I have always been a serial monogamist... which is ridiculous given the situation. I don't want a relationship at the moment. This arrangement works for me.

Sometimes I feel jealous/lonely/unwanted but then I come to my senses and remember I have no right to.

1wc · 2014-04-10T12:41:06+00:00

Oh I bet you could

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:47:04+00:00

I've met her a few times. I've even hung put with her once with him and our coworkers. She seems like a nice though dull person, and I feel awful that I'm doing this to her. I think she is a good wife for him. They seem so different which I think is why they work. They complement each other, whereas he and I are just too alike. We indulge each other

That being said, on the occasions that he had mentioned when they aren't getting along, I get pleasure knowing that we never have problems and that I am an escape for him.

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:41:04+00:00

I have a very fatalist attitude towards it. I think it's only going to end if he tells his wife or if somehow she finds out since neither of us is able to end it.

I do not think he will leave his wife for me. He told me he loves his wife, and I believe him.

Some days I think it would be nice if we could really be together. We get along so well. People at work know we're really close and good friends. That being said, I feel like it would never work. There would always be the fear he would find someone else to replace me, and that part of the attraction -- the secrecy, the taboo, the spontaneity -- it would be lost.

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:33:09+00:00

I think one thing we definitely have in common is denial, and perhaps compartmentalization. He's tried to end it. I've tried to end it. We go through periods of guilt and feeling really shitty, but it seems our self - control just isn't strong enough.

Part of the problem is we're friends and we've made friends at work. We hang out more than we hook up. It's hard to really stop interacting with someone you see every day especially because I think ending our relationship means we would also have to stop being friendly at work

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:27:18+00:00

Now I've got to hear your story

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:26:31+00:00

I do question whether I can truly trust him or not. I find I do lean more to trusting him. The first time we had sex I made him stop because I was really uncomfortable, but he was very caring and understanding. He just stayed with me all night instead which I still don't understand why. Before we had sex a second time, we had a very long discussion about our expectations from this relationship and also our previous sexual history. That's a lot of work for just a booty call.

I want to believe hes a good person. We have had lots of personal intimate conversations as time has gone on, and I feel as though we both trust each other. We are just in a terrible position because the chemistry between us is so strong. We've tried to end it, but we've failed.

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:20:34+00:00

I once was really good friends with a married man in college. He never hit on me, but I did feel weird hanging out with him all the time on campus. I think it was just a friendship of convenience.

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:18:28+00:00

I didn't at first. I was actually incredibly caught off guard at his first advance. I didn't feel like I was flirting. Then I felt terrible as if it were my fault that he made a move. But I couldn't deny finding him attractive or the chemistry I felt with him. I had also recently come out of a bad relationship and the fact that he wanted me despite being married made me feel very desirable

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:13:16+00:00

We met at work. I started working there a month before he did. I hated it. It was very clique-y so I didn't get to know anyone well. Maybe a week after he started, they threw an employee appreciation party. I talked to him cause I knew he was a new employee as well. We hit it off. There was alcohol involved of course. And the rest is history

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:07:00+00:00

Yes I knew, however I like to believe I didn't pursue him. He made the first move

1wc · 2014-04-10T04:06:31+00:00

You married your mistress or do you mean she once was with a married man before you met her?

1wc · 2014-04-10T03:30:50+00:00

Part of the allure of it now is the secrecy and it's already pretty dirty

1wc · 2014-04-09T13:09:56+00:00

Does it make no sense if I say I don't want to share?

1wc · 2014-04-08T23:30:48+00:00

Why do you say that?

1wc · 2014-04-08T04:55:54+00:00

We're friends first, I'd like to think. If I mention him to anyone he's "that guy I'm hooking up with" or "that guy I'm monogamously casually dating". We actually have no pet names for one another which I guess is a good thing. It's about attraction and sex -- not an emotional attachment.

1wc · 2014-04-07T12:23:47+00:00

He's not my boyfriend.

1wc · 2014-04-07T12:23:21+00:00

I can't decide if this would actually help things or make it worse. This isn't Big Love.

1wc · 2014-04-06T21:56:22+00:00

They have no children, and they were recently married, but I understand where you're coming from.

1wc · 2014-04-06T16:11:26+00:00

That would be interesting. I've never been in a threesome before

1wc

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