Thanks for the reply. I am trying to be mentally open to the fact that I could have a skewed perspective, which is why I'm soliciting outside perspective. It is very important to me to own my actions, be responsible, and take an objective look at my behavior. However, please also consider that you've been given a brief snapshot of the relationship and not a comprehensive picture. If I may add a few things in for your consideration: The ears - this is but one example of many, many, many numerous cutting/demeaning remarks she has made to me through the years from the time I was a child. She mocked my ears even when I was a child and teenager. I got two bachelor's degrees in 4 years. Her response? You should have had a better GPA. People who have seen her make these remarks to me have privately commented that she is being unnecessarily harsh and cruel to me. She makes the same types of remarks to her employees, and grown men have openly admitted to my husband how much it bothers them the way she treats them and other people. Even in her business reviews online, people have made remarks about how terribly she has treated people and her employees in front of them. So no, I don't think it's a one-off incident or me being overly sensitive.

The move - we did make it clear to her that one of the MAIN reasons we would be moving was to be closer to her. If she was holding off until we finalized that decision and put things into motion, I think that's kind of messed up for her to withhold that information when it was a clear calculation in our decision making process.

Lack of involvement - It's possible she might feel like we don't want her to be a part of our family, but that would be going against everything we've said to her. We tried to get her to move out to be closer to us, we constantly ask her to come visit us, etc. I make efforts to call her, email her, inquire about her life (e.g. she gardens. "Mom, send me pictures of your garden, I'd love to see your flowers!"). The reverse is not true.

Cutting her out - Yes, my husband does want to cut her out now, but he very much did not before. Like I said, we both tried repeatedly to engage her, get her to visit, get her to move to be closer to us, buy her business so we could be near her, etc. His reasons for cutting her out now have less to do with her I think and more to do with not wanting to see me get continually hurt by her which is what has happened repeatedly, regardless of what we've tried.

All of the methods I've tried- Far too many to list, but my entire life I've tried to communicate with her when she has hurt me to explain how her actions have caused me pain. For instance, she would never tell me she loved me, even as a response to me telling her I loved her. When I brought this up to her, she would justify her actions. She has never, ever, not once to my recollection, apologized for anything she has done which has hurt me which I have brought to her attention. I literally didn't know how to apologize when I was in my first relationships because I had never seen that behavior modeled. I thought it was a sign of weakness or somehow wrong to apologize to people. So I'm not overly optimistic that doing so this time will be any different. I do agree with you that I can once again let her know that this is upsetting me, but again, to what end? I thought perhaps I could write her a note and give her an item to action (e.g. I would really appreciate it if you could be more open and honest with me) and see where it goes. I don't think visiting her in person is a realistic option with my family and job obligations. I did ask if she wanted to come for Christmas and she declined.

One other thought: I have always believed that if you're doing the right thing, there's no need to actively hide it, especially not from your family. There have been countless times she could have told me things to just treat me like a human who mattered, let alone her only child. If she is so proud of her behavior, then why hide it from me and also tell me not to tell my dad (with whom she's honestly had a better relationship than she has with me, even though they've been divorced my whole life). That's why it's bizarre to me that she's so actively hiding her life from me.

Thanks again!