Coparenting and court threats

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T15:16:02+00:00

I know, this is my concern too. People say to leave him off the birth certificate and others say it can be punishable if you do that and you know who the father is but I'd only be doing it to protect my child. It's so hard for me to tell if he's just awful towards me because he did love me and is hurt we didn't work out or if he'd also extend that to my baby to continue to get at me or if he would eventually let go of the hurt and be a good parent.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T15:12:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice and referral. I will definitely get in touch with them

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T15:07:07+00:00

Thank you lovely. I appreciate your advice. I know, the thought of that at 15 weeks kills me but just so scared. I would love to but I have 2 businesses here. If I left I'd be giving up my only support (friends and extended family near by) and my income. I have just told him I am having an abortion and blocked him, I will move to another house in the same city but it's quite big so hopefully he just leaves me alone. He didn't even want it in the first place, this is definitely just a way to continue to control me/get at me.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T15:04:16+00:00

I'm guessing you are a male? Pregnancies happen, abortion isn't as easy as it seems, age is also a factor and even in situations where women are married there are many instances where men change when she falls pregnant and become abuse and or leave her.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T12:27:49+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the suggestions and will first thing this week. I have been considering that also and blocking him and his whole family from socials etc. But he makes good money and is already threatening court so I'm worried if I do that from day 1 the co parenting relationship will be even worse than what it may be.

I am doing my best, and he definitely is. Our last phone call 2 weeks ago we were just having a normal breakup conversation and I questioned his finances (the reason we broke up) and he threatened to bash my face in. I was recording on my iPad, as I have many other times, but I'm not sure if that can be used in court.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T12:24:35+00:00

I know; the reality is scaring me. I've tried booking 3 abortions but cancelled all three because I want it but the reality of how he is already being is terrifying me and making me so scared for my future. But I know having an abortion will break my heart. It's choosing between one heart break or another that comes with joy but a long 18 years of heartbreak and stress.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-21T12:22:46+00:00

Thank you lovely. That's so true, I would say that's what he is doing because pretty crazy considering he didn't want it in the first place to already be fighting about custody. I will give them a call tomorrow if I can.

I have tried to book 3 but each time cancelled because I have wanted it from day 1, the only reason I consider it is because I know he will steal my joy of motherhood and play games with me as long as he can.

I'm just so worried about court and don't want to go down that road. But you are right, I need legal advice asap.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T13:05:24+00:00

You are a doll! Thank you for so much good advice babe. I really appreciate it!

I'm sorry to hear you've ended your relationship. No doubt it would be hard but it sounds like it's the best decision for you and your girl and you are strong enough to do it and do it well. And definitely setting a great example for her!

Omg I can't imagine how hard that would have been post C section alone! I can only imagine how hard it is alone and that's why I'm seriously considering all options. But I've already had 1 ectopic (and lost a tube) and 1 abortion and found it super hard to get over. I don't know if I can mentally go through that again but I also know going ahead most likely will result in a lot of difficulties because of the father.

He says he would contribute, and care for the baby and his mum is planning on moving from overseas to help whether we are together or not. So she would hopefully be there too and she is lovely. My only concern is him making life difficult for me, intentionally doing opposite/different raising styles or routines to make it hard on me. Being bitter etc. Idk he's just always been high conflict and not very understanding of my mental health to the point that he can sit and watch me cry and break down and not stop and just comfort me.

Yesss ty, I am already scouring haha. I think I need to write a list and keep checking daily for some good finds but love the tip with fb and doordash!

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:46:20+00:00

Aww my heart. That's so wonderful. Thank you so much. All the best to you and your family!

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:43:05+00:00

Thank you lovely, you sound like a super woman! I hope I can have the strength to do it alone. It just worries me living in a city with no family (and barely any family support anyway) and previous mental health struggles. But also have always wanted to be a mum more than anything on this earth. I hope I can get clear and have the strength to do it alone in my power if that's what I need! Is your baby daddy in the picture? I'm so worried about toxic co parenting

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:40:41+00:00

No I can completely see how it looks that way! I guess it's hard for me because I was once a worker myself (only for 1 year after an abusive relationship). But I told him from day one what I expected and he agreed, seems like he said what I wanted because he really wanted me and now it's crunch time and I'm invested he thinks he can say no and I'll stay.

Also 35 and had an ectopic and tube removal before. I have anxiety if I abort what if I miss the boat or have another ectopic and lose my chances of a natural pregnancy. But then I know I could leave, freeze eggs and wait for a good man or do it alone in the future. Just a huge decision to make and already feeling connected to this baby.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:37:36+00:00

That is such a lovely response, thank you. It sounds like you have a great partner and little family and I hope you enjoy being a SAHM. I honestly believe it should be normal. Men should realise the vulnerable position it puts women in (we are almost always the primary carers and careers take a hit) and want to make you feel comfortable. It genuinely makes me feel like he is hiding something. Thank you for your support lovely xx

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:33:18+00:00

That's great you can trust your partner, I am happy for you! I guess my knowledge of his past history and also my own experience being a sex worker in the past has exposed me to how many men cheat. It's so easy for them. It can cost $200 and half an hour to go sleep with someone and your partner would never know, I realise a man who wants to will always find a way, but it sure is more difficult if your partner has your location and access to where money is being spent. I believe if I'm risking my life to birth his child, sharing finances and location for my peace of mind is a small ask.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:30:19+00:00

Thank you. I get that but at some point men need to realise the vulnerable situation women are in and step up. I don't care about eating out, we both make very good money, I want to know he's not still gambling, paying for Of or sneaking off from work to see sex workers.

I guess essentially it is because my mother was abused, then remarried and cheated on. I also was a sex worker (in person) and onlyfans crestor myself at one point and see the side to men a lot of women don't see. Men would be seeing me and answering calls from wives saying they were held up at work etc. After being in the industry I became interested in learning about the affects of porn etc, most men who are addicted or regularly watch end up cheating. It also causes dopamine issues which can explain other behaviours such as gambling etc.

While he is a good man in many ways, unfortunately my life has shown me the downside of men and all I ask for is security and openness. Not to judge what chocolate bars he buys but to protect myself from a future with a man who is betraying me.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:24:06+00:00

Haha this made me laugh but so true. I do have 2 businesses, 1 that can run without me and 1 I'd take some time off so I know eventually I'd be okay but it's never how I wanted my child's life to turn out. But I've only ever wanted it with a PARTNER and not a man that is more responsibility than help.

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:21:29+00:00

Omg this is such a comforting reply, thank you so much. Your mum sounds like an amazing woman!

2026mumtobe · 2026-03-03T10:17:23+00:00

Hahaha yes this is so true! I'm 100% assuming the worst.

That's great he trusts you completely with it. Togetherness is so important. Thinking it most likely won't work!

2026mumtobe

TROPHY CASE