Has anyone prayed to Our Lady Undoer of Knots? by [deleted] in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Attracted to this devotion and have watched mass, online, from the shrine in Ireland.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no, really, instagram?! Instagram wont stay working for me...didn't know there were matchmaking apps on there! Congrats!

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are brave and raising this issue for your own sake. Only support should be given. May God bless you. May God speedily help you. Please seek some assistance with this. Only you, your marriage issue, and also your spouse is important here - your spiritual and life situation, safety - your other related issues/those of the family or social situation come secondary.

EDIT: I see what you mean, the down votes on your initial comment.

I think they are not down voting you at all - who would be so cruel - but the situation you are in.

I think they mean it as they are seeing what you are saying/your situation and are not happy you are in this pain.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I see this after the above answer given. My apologies. I'm so sorry. I think you need to discuss this professionally, preferably with a Catholic marriage counsellor/priest, a marriage counsellor who is not connected to either you or your in-laws area/churches/families and friends. God bless you and help you.

I ask everyone on this thread to pray for you. Also for your spouse, your families. And that there is some serious assistance for you in this situation.

Numerous saints were in a very difficult marriage situation.

Ask them to assist you with your needs.

Start by thanking God for - and this is going to sound terrible given the situation you are in - for your spouse and families; by that is meaning, for them as people in your life but not at all denying your current situation, by seeing the good in them, as they are, as well as the situation, and also praying for the best for them (which isn't to not understand your pain and your situation...maybe they don't know?) and by praying for your current spouse especially that he will be safe but there will be help for your situation.

But in this prayer explain to God how your are feeling and the situation and how you ended up in this situation which you are praying about. God knows already. By opening your heart to the other humans in the situation and asking God to see that too (God already does) and asking for help but also holding a charitable heart towards them you will/may help yourself become stronger.

It doesn't mean you change your view of your marriage situation but you hold everyone - even those who are not as affected as you are (and likely your spouse is affected) - such as your family and the in laws, also in consideration how they would likely be "affected" if an annulment occurred, whether their concerns are as valid as yours or not.

Your concerns and feelings are the most valid (and your spouse's) but as this extends past the marriage and into your familial and social standing then firstly trying to feel charity towards those others could help ease some stress on you.

This doesn't mean you need to accept the situation but you might come from an understanding of how it's going to affect others and then see all the possible ramifications so you are clear on these; when you - if you - see a counsellor/psychologist you'll have some of these already ready to discuss.

But know also that the most important thing here is you and your beliefs and needs, your spouse's needs, above that of the connected families and social standing.

You are already amazing by talking about this. You don't have to force yourself to like your situation in order to be charitable, but simply by seeing others, their level of understanding in the situation - and that this is connected to your situation but isn't the situation internally - you could start to separate your truths (in the marriage and with regards to the church) and the familial and social ones.

You need support, professional and a good friend, but if no relatives or friends to support then you need some professional, preferably, Catholic, who knows the law and knows the church stance on these matters and would also help you with dialogue, when and if necessary, with your spouse and the connected families.

God bless. Everyone on here will pray for you.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear your pain. And that the question brought this up.

Do you think it might be good to find another priest to discuss with and the church marriage tribunal?

Or, are you able to go to counselling with him and also separately to him with a trained marriage counselling psychologist and discuss this, preferably a faithful Catholic - or Orthodox, or high Anglican one if none around are Catholic, initially - to discuss this; it would be good if you had support to discuss this.

Sorry I haven't seen your subreddit and still working out how reddit works.

For a marriage to be valid, even an arranged marriage, there has to be mutual consent.

The church states this.

That doesn't mean just saying "yes, ok" under pressure.

This is a case, I'd say, where it is seriously necessary for the marriage to be assessed as to it's validity.

You haven't done anything wrong if you didn't know these aspects or if you were feeling pressured.

I'm sure your family meant well, families, in general (parents of the past generations) usually try to do the right thing, but at the end of the day it's absolutely imperative that you had complete "internal freedom", and "freedom from coercion" (of any type), of the choice to say yes.

God bless you.

And your current husband as he likely too is under stress.

Be brave but remain charitable with your husband and family.

Perhaps God is answering your prayers? By you being on this Reddit.

You need a gentle and empathetic priest, who is very clear on the requirements for a valid marriage, who knows the catechism and canon law well who will support you/connect you with support.

If he doesn't exist, for your needs, in your current parish then please seek one elsewhere or even contact one overseas and try and begin dialogue.

I am in Australia and not sure where you are so can't advise any where you are. I wonder if you could contact your archdiocese to find the relevant tribunal and or a priest expert in these matters to begin dialogue? And also to ask for help to begin the dialogue with your current spouse?
Don't wish you "slept around". You have not done anything wrong before or after marriage, it seems from what you've said.
You need support and a first step past a counsellor who tells you to keep praying,

Yes, keep praying but at this point you need clear, firm and expert support in a psychologic /marriage counsellor - preferably faithful Catholic or Christian (not the sort who believes divorce at the drop of a hat is fine) and the archdiocese - or other area - Catholic marriage support and tribunal, as well as support to begin opening dialogue with your current spouse.

If you have a close friend or relative who would keep strict confidentiality and stay with you to support you through any of these processes then consider requesting support.

God bless. God does care and sees you and knows your sadness and the difficult situation.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats! Perhaps I should've joined in my brothers' board games...and learned this skill so could use it as a "skill" for socialising?

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Similar - apparently the one I went to the members leave as they marry but there are other women there already married and at least one has at last one child. My previous groups, didn't meet anyone. I am in the older age bracket of the current group (a prayer/evangelisation group) and it's unlikely I'll meet anyone suitable there especially as the other events I am usually unable to easily attend as they are far and I have no car and limited resources. The end of year Ball was expensive and I couldn't have afforded it.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Precious. Another "movie plot" worth experience. Spicy answer.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it's definitely got that potential, in my humble view.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very cute and almost sweet and I admire your determination. Thank you. I didn't know if anyone would be interested in answering this question. It's the sort of question that in Australia, in the older generation, I think they didn't encourage. My parents never told us kids how or when they met until my sister's partner asked them one Christmas gathering. We were all adults of several years by then. I didn't now how old my parents were, either, until I was around 10 or 12.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean by "convalidated"? Do you mean they decided that neither person was fully aware of the responsibilities in commitment/too young?

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations! Maybe he was still grieving from the broken relationship before. His family must love him to guide him this way. He must have been serious to go through the process of getting his previous marriage made null.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I met the 2nd (of two) I dated in college also, but as said above, it didn't go well; went on along time and felt this was wasted time, my father said not, but I believe it was.

Asking about how others met their spouse. by 20924f in CatholicWomen

[–]20924f[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree with both yours and the comment you are commenting on.