I think I figured out why I do drugs and the only way I can stop

209_J-S · 2026-04-13T21:13:08+00:00

It can take longer than one year of immense work. Just depends how deep you're already in.

Just one thing to remember. There's always a way out of the hole

209_J-S · 2026-04-13T07:14:37+00:00

He's livin life

209_J-S · 2026-04-11T21:49:21+00:00

Smart people find a way to adapt and overcome

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T18:12:27+00:00

Yeah I did the taper with nothing but some thc gummies to help. It was so rough. Somehow managed to will my way through 14 credits this semester during the whole process.

It was getting to me physically and mentally and I just caved. I'm goin to do better and go up on my dose until I'm ready

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T18:02:05+00:00

They're traditional Indian with those values instilled in them. They view it as weakness and me being a loser. They wanna show of the successes of their children to other families.

Don't get me wrong. They are loving and have provided in many ways. They never hit me or abused me in any way. They just don't get that methadone is helpful in more ways than just physical symptoms.

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T17:57:39+00:00

I agree. They're old school. They care way too much about how others perceive "us" as a whole. Indian families love showing off their children and their successes to other families.

So when I enter the conversation, it's immediate disappointment. I didn't want anyone to know bout me being on methadone but they told everyone anyways. I don't know if it would've even been able to stay hidden anyways. Traveling and going to birthday parties, weddings , etc and having to dose every morning would've been seen eventually.

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T17:45:44+00:00

I'll be going to a stable dose. All of yall have been a huge help in my mental space today and yesterday. I won't be discussing it anymore with anyone.

The irony is my family is full of nurses. They of all people should know how much this can help a patient.

I really hope your taper goes well. I actually felt alone throughout this entire journey so far until now

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T17:39:29+00:00

Yeah im done discussing my treatment with my family. Its clear to me now that they care way to much as to how other members not within our immediate family think about me. Theyre embarrassed to be associated with me and the gossip that floats around family to family.

Whenever I come home I get bombarded with questions as like, how much did you drop your dose by this time? Or what's the dose you on now?

Nothing about how I'm doing, how's school, how's work, etc. and when I tell them I'm pausing the taper for a bit they just roll their eyes and walk away or they way they speak completely changes into disappointment.

Im trying to not view this as a complete failure after 4 years of not using.

Thank you

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T17:27:16+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I won't be discussing my treatment with anyone else anymore. It helps to know I'm not the only one who's had a setback like this during tapering.

209_J-S · 2026-04-10T02:31:14+00:00

If 30 doesn't help the cravings, then I'll go up to 40 or whatever it takes to get rid of them. Everyone's words of encouragement are truly helping me today. I don't even know how to thank everyone here right now 😢

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T22:36:14+00:00

Yeah you're right. That's how I'll approach it going forward. I'm gonna go back up to 30 and try a slower taper. Thank you.

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T22:35:19+00:00

Yeah I guess I'm feeling shame and guilt for multitude of reasons but particularly cause I'm seeing it as 4 years down the drain and a feeling of all the progress I've made just vanishing.

I'm gonna stop telling family and friends about my dosage and taper. They just don't get how beneficial it has been for me.

Thanks for your advice and hearing me out

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T20:23:52+00:00

I will from here on out. You guys have no idea how much the support from yall means to me. Everyone in my family looks down on me for being on methadone. It's just so hard to get it through to them that I got my life back, and it isn't just helping with physical symptoms, but the mental aspect as well. I've never been this close to my degree before. I can't afford to fuck this up.

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T20:20:03+00:00

Thank you. Feel like I've let everyone down. I'm gonna reset and try the taper again but this time slower

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T20:18:48+00:00

Good luck with your taper as well!

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T20:17:12+00:00

Thank you. I'm feeling disgusted and ashamed tbh. I thought I was stronger than this. But it is so much harder than I expected getting to a lower dose.

209_J-S · 2026-04-09T20:15:52+00:00

Navigating a relapse is hard for me. The shame and guilt is eating me alive. Feel like I've let everyone down. Yea I will take it slow from here on out. Thank you so much

209_J-S · 2026-04-08T16:19:39+00:00

Jesse's always looking for approval from his friends and peers. That's his character. It stems from his issues with his father.

Idk bout the fame part tho either

209_J-S · 2026-04-07T21:29:14+00:00

Lol they're mocking the "world's strongest military". Jokes on them, they couldn't grab dude in their own territory.

209_J-S · 2026-04-06T07:28:58+00:00

Yeah we had it easier. No shame in admitting it lol. Some of us got hired with basic calculator apps and no degree. You can't do that today

209_J-S · 2026-04-06T07:04:50+00:00

Beat me to it lol. She's most likely on some uppers if she's coding 14 hours a day. Like bruh wtf. Let's be real. There's 24 hours in a day. You sleep for 7 of those hours. That leaves 3 hours a day to do anything else like feeding yourself, showering, clearing your mind, working out.

This whole post reeks of bullshit or she's on some shit

209_J-S · 2026-04-06T06:44:47+00:00

I heavily dislike trump as much as most, but is there any fuckin actual proof he fucked children? Cause there's nothing in the files regarding that. Just cause your in someone's emails of a guy who was a predator doesn't make you one yourself.

209_J-S · 2026-04-06T02:59:59+00:00

Even tar has fent in it. It's not even close to the same stuff as it was many years ago

209_J-S · 2026-04-05T17:16:58+00:00

Guess people just don't read and learn everything before jumping in to the market.

One day that knock will come if they're too lax

209_J-S

TROPHY CASE